One Hundred Reasons
by Irk Splee
Summary: You don't fall in love with someone for just one reason... it happens due to combination of factors. The things you like about them, the good times you share with them, the bad times that you endure together. It takes a lot of reasons to form a true romantic bond. These are only one hundred of ours.
1. First Reason: Love

**Sigh... yeah, here I am, doing even more Mike/Zoey stuff. Go me! I swear, I would write about other characters from this show if I had the inspiration, but Mike and Zoey take all of that up. Whoops!**

**This won't be a full on story like "Precious" or "Only When I Lose Myself". Instead, I'm working from a prompt list. I've seen these before in plenty of fandoms; you take a list of words, maybe pick a character or ship to theme the prompts around, and write a paragraph or so for each word. I have 100 prompts, and while I haven't done all of them at the time of this writing, I think I have enough to give me a good buffer. I intend to post a new one every day or so, barring days when I can't get to my computer or I'm just not feeling up to it. I'll let you guys know if I reach the end of my buffer, but other than that, I don't think you'll see many author's notes from me. I'll let most of these speak for themselves. Most of them take place after the show, though a few, especially the first few I'm posting, take place during it. Since the theme is Mike/Zoey, nothing will take place before the two met. The prompts will be posted in order of the word list I'm using, with no regard for chronology or the order I wrote them in.**

**I'm assuming I don't have to give credit for a list of words... especially since I found this list saved as a Word document on my computer and don't actually remember where I originally got it. If you recognize these prompt words as yours and would like credit, drop me a line and some proof and I'll be more than happy to credit you!**

* * *

**Love**

He'd always heard that love at first sight could never work.

Mike admitted he had a tendency to fall for girls rather quickly. All it took was a pretty face and a kind sentence, and he'd find himself wondering if she could finally be the one to accept him for who he was. It led him to a lot of heartbreak. His relationship with Zoey started off similarly to a lot of his past relationship failures. One nice conversation on the ship to Wawanakwa, and all of a sudden he found himself focused on her. It could have ended just as badly as his previous "love at first sight" experiences.

But even though it doesn't always work to rush into things, sometimes, a person's instincts can be correct.


	2. Second Reason: Truth Be Told

**Truth Be Told**

Anne Maria sat to Mike's right, a flirty little grin on her face. He looked down to the ground, unable to look her in the eye after what happened earlier. She wasn't a bad person, she just wasn't the sort Mike would normally date. He preferred shy, quiet sweethearts over Anne Maria's domineering, egotistical style. However, while she wasn't Mike's type, she was definitely Vito's, and Vito insisted on giving her the wrong idea.

Anne Maria wasn't the only one who got the wrong idea from this... Mike's eyes flicked over to his left. Zoey sat hugging her knees and staring into space. He tried sitting next to her earlier, but she wanted nothing to do with him tonight.

Mike didn't know how the rest of the camp viewed him, but he had a feeling they all thought of him as a two-timing jerk now. Once again, his "quirk" had gotten him into a huge mess.

The only way out he could think of would be to tell the truth. But he just couldn't do it, for fear of making an even bigger mess.


	3. Third Reason: Wait, What?

**Wait, What?**

He braced himself for Zoey's reaction after telling her about his multiple personality disorder. Fighting them off and silencing them long enough for him to do this was only the second hardest thing he'd done ever since joining the show; finally admitting what a freak he was to Zoey was the hardest. It had to be done, but he knew what she'd do once he finished explaining. She'd run away or insult him. They always did.

Wait, what? Cameron already told her? But if she already knew, then why was she still talking to him?

She didn't mind? She could handle this? "More Mike to love"? She still wanted to be with him?

Confused thoughts ran through Mike's mind for a few seconds, but he quickly brushed them off and instead decided to enjoy the moment. This wasn't what he expected. Instead, it was something way better.


	4. Fourth Reason: Want

**Want**

He wanted her.

He wouldn't be so direct about it if he was speaking out loud, but in his head, Mike knew exactly how he felt about Zoey. Sure, his attraction to her went much deeper than that; she was so great to talk to, she made for a good shoulder to cry on when he felt low, they had so many fun in-jokes, they had the same taste in movies and restaurants, they could stay up into the early hours of the morning having intelligent conversations... he loved her for so much more than the way he felt when she kissed him.

But that didn't mean he could dismiss that feeling when she kissed him.

He wouldn't ask her just yet. It felt too soon. He was perfectly all right with kissing her, holding her, and letting it stop there when they decided to do something else.

Of course, if she ever brought it up herself, he wasn't going to say no.


	5. Fifth Reason: Name

**I actually have some notes this time. First off, I've decided to change the rating to T, due to chapters like "Want" - I realize that may have been a bit much, and I will be posting more in that vein. Not all of it, but some of it. If "Want" wasn't too bad for you, I shouldn't be posting anything worse, so don't worry about that! And if that one was too off putting for a K plus, I'm so, so sorry!**

**And while I'm here, a big thank you to Unknown Cupcake and Mickeymouse4everz for the reviews! A writer thrives on reviews, no matter how short (and how long can a review on 150 word paragraphs be, anyway?), so if you're enjoying these, please don't be afraid to drop me a line! Thanks so much!**

* * *

**Name**

"Mike?"

Mike – or, at least, Mike's body – stared blankly at Zoey as he hugged his knees.

"Mike?" Zoey asked. "Are you OK?"

"Who's Mike?" he asked. "That's not my name. At least, I don't think it is."

"Mike is..." Zoey paused. How should she phrase this? "He's... the owner of the body you're in." Was that right?

"Oh. Him? He's not feeling well. Doesn't really want to talk to people. That's why I'm here," the unknown personality replied. "It's been a long time since I've been awake. I can't remember anything."

"What's your name?" Zoey asked.

He shook his head. "I don't know. The others in here said I'll remember later, but I don't right now. Maybe this Mike person knows." He hugged his knees tighter. "Can you leave me alone? I need to figure this out."

"All right," Zoey said. She still wasn't used to Mike developing new personalities right in front of her, but she'd still help out however she could. At least this one didn't start off violent like last time.


	6. Sixth Reason: Date

**Date**

Their first date outside _Total Drama _was a disaster. They decided to try a nice looking restaurant that they'd never heard of before, and quickly discovered why no one ever talked about it. The young man who seated them kept making inappropriate comments toward Zoey; if Mike himself and not just some of his alters was prone to violence, things could have gotten very ugly, very quickly. The waitress spilled Zoey's coffee in her lap and brought Mike the wrong meal. Even when he did get what he ordered, it was cold and didn't taste very good. Zoey wasn't impressed with her meal, either, or with the coffee when it finally got replaced, for that matter. They didn't even bother sticking around for dessert.

Mike felt horrible for recommending this place as they walked out and was prepared to apologize by any means necessary, but Zoey broke out into laughter the second they made it out to the car.

"How can one restaurant mess up so much in the span of two hours?!"

The night may not have been textbook perfect, but at least it gave them a story to tell later.


	7. Seventh Reason: Age

**Age**

Since they were in the limelight, everyone felt they had the right to criticize their relationship and speculate about why it would never work. They'd say it was because they rushed in too quickly, or because Mike's disorder would lead him to hurt her, or because Zoey was too plain to hold his interest, or because they were celebrities and celebrity relationships never work on sheer principle. The problem they heard most often was a problem of age. They were both sixteen, so why should they want to commit this early in their lives? Especially in Zoey's case, since she'd never even dated before meeting Mike! Didn't they want to have a little fun and mess around with different people and wait until after college to settle down? Especially now that they were famous! They could sleep with anyone they wanted! They should be taking advantage of the opportunity, otherwise it's just a slap in the face to people who would love that ability!

Mike and Zoey quickly learned to ignore the rumors and theories. If anything, it all drove the pair to prove the media wrong.


	8. Eighth Reason: Jealousy

**Jealousy**

Zoey knew Anne Maria never meant any harm. Both of them were confused by the situation with Mike and Vito, and once Anne Maria learned that Vito was nothing more than the result of Mike's mental disorder, she wanted nothing to do with Mike anymore. She was no longer a threat. Mike never had any interest in Anne Maria anyway, so maybe she was never a threat in the first place. Zoey would never be close friends with her, but she had no reason to hold anything against her, either.

But while Zoey wished it wasn't true, she couldn't help but feel jealousy burning in her heart whenever Mike and Anne Maria crossed paths.


	9. Ninth Reason: Anger

**Anger**

"Ugh, look at this! Another stupid article about us!" Mike said, slapping the back of his hand against the magazine he was reading.

"What's this one about?" Zoey asked as she looked up from her own novel. "Another thing about how celebrity romances don't last?"

"I wish," Mike said. "Instead it's more people who have no idea what my disorder is really like blabbing about how I'm probably gonna end up hurting you someday." His fists began tightening around the magazine pages and crinkling them. "These articles are the _worst! _I like some of the articles in these magazines, but when they start speculating about us without even bothering with an interview first and make me out to be a monster... it makes me so-"

"MIKE!"

Mike blinked rapidly as his vision returned to him. The magazine was no longer in his hands, though he didn't remember setting it down. His hands hurt as if he'd punched something solid. A quick scan of the room showed him just what happened to that magazine; it lay in tatters on the floor, sloppily shredded by hand.

"...angry," he said, finishing the sentence he last remembered starting. "Zoey? What did I do?"

"You ripped up the magazine, punched the wall a few times, then collapsed on the couch, clutching your head..." Zoey explained. "Are you OK? Who was that?"

"I have no idea," Mike replied, sinking down on the couch. Maybe this most of all was the reason he hated the articles that called him a threat so much... maybe they had a point.


	10. Tenth Reason: Mine

**Mine**

Mike always hated the idea of ownership in a relationship. Zoey wasn't his property, she was her own person, with her own feelings, opinions, and desires, just like he was. She didn't belong to him and he didn't belong to her. He preferred to think of their relationship as one between two equal partners, working together to make each other happy and make it through life the best way they could.

There was only one circumstance that could make him think the phrase "Zoey is mine." Some of his personalities, especially Vito, were becoming more and more frustrated by the lack of physical contact in their lives. They blamed Mike for not letting them use his body to experiment with others as they pleased. They tried to strike a deal with Mike; Mike's body could stay loyal to Zoey, all he had to do was let the other minds in his head have a turn every once in a while. She wasn't their type, but any port in a storm, right?

Mike drew the line there. He had to share so much in his life with them, but Zoey would never be one of those things, and he knew she'd be just as against the idea as he was. Zoey was his. His disorder took so much away from him, but he'd never let it take her.


	11. Eleventh Reason: Our

**Our**

Their struggles weren't just their own anymore.

They both had their low periods, both before meeting and after. Mike spent way too many nights for his liking as an anxious, depressed mess, a matter not helped by the constant chatter in his head. Most teenagers didn't have days where the very idea of interacting with others brought on sheer terror, and that even fewer teenagers lost hours or days worth of memory at a time due to personality switches. At times like this, all he wanted was to be normal, but unless someone made a scientific breakthrough with medication or brain surgery, it was never going to happen.

Zoey may not have had any sort of mental diagnosis, but that didn't make it any easier for her to cope with the loneliness. Even with Mike and the other _Total Drama _cast members she befriended by her side, the loneliness would still hit as she spent some nights constantly questioning herself. Why did it take her so long to make friends? Was something wrong with her? Did the others only stick around because they pitied her?

Finding love didn't stop either of them from feeling those dark thoughts, but having a shoulder to lean on still helped. Neither one could stand to see the other hurting.

Zoey couldn't be happy when Mike felt depressed. Mike couldn't feel confident while Zoey drowned in doubt. If one was hurting, the other would move mountains if that's what it took to ease that hurt. They both thought the same thing.

"Your pain is our pain."


	12. Twelfth Reason: Heartbeat

**Heartbeat**

Mike and Zoey fell asleep on the couch while cuddling. Zoey was the first one to awaken. She didn't remember either of them positioning themselves this way, but in their sleep, Mike had shifted so he laid on his back, with his hands tangled through Zoey's hair. Zoey's head had found its way to his chest.

After looking to see if he was still asleep, Zoey closed her eyes again and focused on his heartbeat. She'd heard others in school talk about what they liked in boys, and the boys talked about what they knew others liked about them. It was all about muscles, how good they were at sports, how tough they were in a fight, or about parts and actions that made Zoey blush if she even thought about it. No one ever told her about how it felt to listen to a boy's heart or feel his hands in your hair.

Zoey sighed happily and let herself drift back to sleep. She'd take Mike's steady heartbeat and gentle hands over the muscles of a jock any day.


	13. Thirteenth Reason: Breathe

**Breathe**

"Breathe, Mike, breathe..."

Mike gasped heavily, trying his best to resume control. He was vaguely aware of Zoey's voice and her hand rubbing his back, but whenever he thought he was close to fully regaining his senses, he'd black out again. He did his best to focus on the clock in the room and track how long he was out each time.

Blackness. Five minutes went by. Blackness. Seven minutes. Blackness. A minute didn't pass at all. Blackness. Gone for a whole twenty.

Even after all that time, whenever Mike had a bit of control, through the haze, he could still hear and feel Zoey there. She stayed through the whole thing.

"Breathe... it'll be all right, just breathe..."

Breathe. Right. Focus on breathing. After a few more uncontrollable gasps, Mike began breathing deeply. One huge inhale, one huge exhale. No more shallow gasping. After a few deep breaths, Mike felt his senses clearing up. He leaned against the back of the couch, mentally exhausted after all that. Zoey didn't remove her hand from him.

"Is it over?"

Mike nodded. "I'd like it if you stayed with me a bit longer, but I think I'm OK now." He rested his head on her shoulder and let his body relax as she stroked his back and shoulders.

He took one more glance at the clock. An hour had passed since his mind began to freak out like that. He wondered how many more hours he would have been gone if he didn't have Zoey to remind him to breathe.


	14. Fourteenth Reason: Speed

**Speed**

Were they moving too fast?

Zoey laid awake in Mike's bed, turning that question over in her head. The first time he came to visit her, he brought up the idea of sharing a bed with her. She refused, not because she didn't want to, but because she feared what her parents might say. Now that it was her turn to visit him and her parents weren't around to know, she decided to take the opportunity. It wasn't as if anything more than sleeping was happening here. They didn't even change in the same room. Still, Zoey was unsure if it was all right for her to do even this much. They'd only met two months ago. If anyone else knew she was already so willing to share a bed with him, what would they think? The gossip rags, especially, would have had a field day with this if they somehow found out.

She tried her best to push her self-consciousness out of her mind. Both she and Mike were comfortable with the speed their relationship moved at. Wasn't their comfort all that mattered?


	15. Fifteenth Reason: Slow

**Slow**

Whenever Mike felt stressed and needed to clear his head, people usually suggested that he should go for a walk in the park. Mike quickly grew to hate that advice, since it never worked out well the few times he tried it. If anything, it only stressed him out more. If he was already stressed about outside factors like school, it made it harder to focus on his own mind and keep the personalities at bay. Without fail, Svetlana would spot some trees she wanted to climb or Manitoba would wonder what mysteries lurked beyond the fence keeping people from the deep woods. In the end, Mike would regain control long past sunset only to find himself covered in scrapes and with no idea where he was or how he got there. He explained all this to Zoey the first time she suggested a walk, but on the other hand, they both wondered if it would help if they walked together.

Mike could finally see what made a nature walk so relaxing. Zoey could tell when Mike seemed to take a little too much interest in the trees and call him back, meaning he didn't have to worry about ending the night lost in the dark.

Taking a slow walk and focusing only on the there and then, not on stress from past mistakes and future worries, can do wonders for clearing one's head. Mike realized that now, though he wasn't sure if it would have been so nice if he didn't have good company to talk to on said walk.


	16. Sixteenth Reason: Touch

**Touch**

Mike opened his eyes. It was too dark to even see his hand in front of his face, so the action didn't accomplish much. He turned toward Zoey; he couldn't see her, but he knew she slept there beside him. Sometimes, when he awoke in the middle of the night and couldn't get back to sleep, he liked watching her. He wasn't trying to be creepy, he simply liked the reminder that he had the girl of his dreams in his bed. Unfortunately for him, in the blackness, things looked no different from if Zoey had gone home for the night.

He still felt the need for that comforting reminder, so he draped his arm around her waist and touched his chest to her back, careful to keep the contact light as to not wake her. Mike basked in the warmth of her body and her light movements as she breathed.

Zoey began to stir. Mike briefly worried that he had disturbed her, but she didn't try to turn toward him or sit up. Instead, she simply took his hand and linked her fingers with his.

Mike smiled at her touch and closed his eyes again, making a mental note to do this more often.


	17. Seventeenth Reason: Life

**Life**

A person's room can offer a lot of insight into their life. Mike realized this as he looked around in Zoey's room. He zeroed in on Zoey's cork board, filled with band pictures, ticket stubs from various concerts and plays, and clothing sketches.

"That board's not very interesting. It's pretty much all I've done for the past sixteen years," Zoey said uneasily. "Bands and clothing."

"How is this uninteresting?" Mike asked, focusing on a photo of Zoey standing next to a man holding a guitar. He didn't really follow musicians, but he recognized the man from magazine covers; wasn't he in some band? "Designing clothes and meeting bands sounds pretty interesting to me."

"But I've done it all alone..." she said. "Most girls have friends to hang out with. I'm usually the only one alone when I go see shows and stuff. Everyone else goes in a group. At least, it feels that way. I watch bands alone, I design clothes alone and never show them off, I listen to my music alone, I watch movies alone... everything has been alone. I've never had a social life before."

"That doesn't mean you don't have a life at all," Mike responded, this time focusing on a dress sketch. He'd seen her wearing that one before, and he could definitely see why she was proud enough of it to pin it on her wall.

"I still wish I had someone to share it with."

Mike stood at a loss for something to say. She had friends now, but there wasn't anything any of them could do to change the past. He instead got to asking questions about the various items pinned to the board, like when certain pictures were taken and if she ever finished certain clothing designs. Zoey would never understand why, but Mike found her life before him fascinating.


	18. Eighteenth Reason: Flowers

**Flowers**

Mike was one of those boyfriends who loved buying his girlfriend flowers. Every single time he came to visit Zoey, he'd bring along a bouquet. The bouquets were never anything too fancy, they were just things he picked out in the supermarket he held a cashier job in, but he did what he could on a teenage cashier's budget.

Zoey wasn't concerned about the price. She accepted Mike's gifts as the thoughtful gesture they were, and not just because guys should feel obligated to buy flowers. The reason she truly treasured the flowers was because they meant more to her than the stereotypical gift they'd be for most girls. She knew the message Mike was sending with them. "I love the flowers you wear in your hair, and I think this kind would look really cute on you."

She made sure to show her appreciation each time by crafting a hair clip with one of the flowers and wearing it when it was her turn to visit him.


	19. Nineteenth Reason: Soul

**Soul**

His soul, aura, heart... what was it that Dawn said she could read? Different places always referred to it as different things when Mike tried to use outside sources to learn about Dawn's talents.

Whatever she called it, at the last media event the _Total Drama_ cast had to appear at, Dawn had described Mike's as a patchwork. She saw it as a jumble of colors and shapes, with different sections waxing and waning every second. The section that represented Mike himself was the largest and the only one she could identify by name. The rest constantly scrambled around and confused even her. She'd never tried to read someone quite like Mike before.

Mike found Dawn pleasant to speak with, but couldn't help but feel unsettled by her, especially when she gave uninvited soul readings, or whatever they were. Still, there was one reading that Mike always liked the sound of and kept in the back of his mind. At that same event, Dawn had mentioned that Mike's part of his soul was at its most calm and stable whenever he talked to Zoey.


	20. Twentieth Reason: Heaven

**Heaven**

Zoey sat at her laptop while Mike sat on the other side of the room, playing a racing video game. Whenever they visited each other for a few days, they didn't feel the need to spend every waking moment attached at the hip. Even just sitting in the same room together and doing their own thing was much better than doing the same thing alone.

Zoey felt a bit of regret for what she had chosen to do with the laptop. Over the months she knew him, Zoey had grown curious about Mike's disorder. She knew he didn't like to talk about it, so she chose to look it up herself. An early bullet point on the site she had found stared her in the face and made her stop scrolling in shock.

_Commonly caused by childhood trauma._

Trauma? Thinking about it, Zoey realized that Mike very rarely talked about things before his high school years, especially his home life during that time. He claimed he couldn't remember a lot of it. Zoey assumed that meant he spent a lot of his childhood as someone else.

Was his childhood instead something he _wanted_ to forget?

Trauma... Zoey thought Mike's disorder was something that happened without cause. A hundred nightmare scenarios began racing through her mind. What happened to Mike? Did someone do this to him? The bullying, the psychiatrist appointments, the anxiety, the need for medication... was this all someone's fault?

"Yes! I won!"

The sound of Mike's cheering knocked Zoey out of her horrified thoughts. She closed her laptop and smiled at him. He seemed to be doing all right for now.

"Hey, Zoey! Wanna play a round with me?"

"Sure!" Zoey answered as she set her laptop aside. She walked across the room and took a seat by Mike's side. Mike handed her a controller and set up the next round, and the two began playing and laughing, looking to the outside world like nothing more than two happy teenagers without a care in the world.

Did Mike grow up in hell? Is that why he had so many problems today? Zoey decided that was none of her business. She'd let him talk about it if he ever wanted to, but she would never dream of asking. Instead, she'd focus on being a heaven he could retreat to. Whatever it was he'd seen in his past, Zoey had a feeling he needed that escape.


	21. Twenty-first Reason: He

**He**

He was a mess. He couldn't deny it, no matter how much he wanted to. He'd seen and experienced things in his youth that no child should ever be exposed to, things that left him damaged to that day. He'd made great strides in making it past those old wounds, he'd been in safety for years by now, but some of the resulting scars would never be healed. The voices in his head provided perfect evidence of that.

But even all he'd been through, he didn't want his past to define him. He may have needed the occasional day to shut down, but most days, he did his best to keep fighting. He had his hobbies. He constantly applied for young actors' groups. He joined that kickboxing class for a summer. And, of course, he made that questionable decision to audition for _Total Drama, _of all things. He'd do anything to prove he had worth despite his damage.

Now that he was home from that nightmare of a summer camp, he'd given himself a new goal; to care for Zoey at all costs. To do anything that would make her smile. To comfort her when she felt upset. And most of all, to make sure his disorder never caused her any sort of harm. Of all the evils in the world he wanted to protect her from, he put himself at the top of that list.

For all the kindness and acceptance Zoey had shown him, Mike felt that the world was the least he could owe her.


	22. Twenty-second Reason: She

**She**

She spent much of her years before _Total Drama_ sitting in this café, sipping a fancy drink and sketching her next sewing project. Back then, she always wondered what it would be like to have someone to sit with. The café had a few regulars, but they had all formed their own groups years ago and weren't receptive to having someone new join them. Perhaps she could have asked some classmates, but would they have wanted to bother? As much as she wanted friends, she could never bring herself to give up what she loved. She'd never exchange her coffees for cheap beer stolen from a parent's fridge. She'd never trade in her indie rock shows for a packed hip-hop concert. She'd never give up quiet nights with her sewing machine for a night in a loud football stadium. So many attempts at friendship failed before they even began when she realized what she'd have to lose.

Zoey looked up at the boy sitting across from her. Mike sat with a plain black coffee and a binder containing the script for a play he'd gotten a part in. The script had him completely immersed. He didn't even seem to notice the guitarist on the stage.

She smiled and sipped her drink as she added a few more lines to her dress sketch, her foot slowly tapping to the music. All those years, she thought she needed someone who loved the same exact things as her. Maybe that wasn't quite right. Maybe all she needed was someone who accepted it, even when he didn't always understand.


	23. Twenty-third Reason: He Said, She Said

**He Said, She Said**

He said he couldn't stay with her. He said he was too dangerous. He said that if he truly loved her, the best thing he could do for her was walk away and allow her to find safety and happiness elsewhere.

She said it wasn't necessary. She said she didn't believe a word he was saying. She said she knew he didn't mean it.

He said he loved her, but couldn't be trusted. He pointed to the shattered glass on the floor from when one of his alters tossed that vase at her. He asked if his hands threw it, and if they aimed it at her.

She didn't say a word. She couldn't lie, but if she said the truth, he'd walk out. All she could say was that she loved him. She said it through tears and a closed throat, but despite the difficulty, she knew she needed to say it. She said she needed him. She begged not to lose the best friend she could ever wish for.

He said he loved her, too, but this wasn't the first time something like this had happened. Things were destroyed when he was involved. Usually it was just a magazine, a vase, a controller, or any number of things that could be replaced. Sometimes this thing caused damage to his own body, not that he'd ever tell her that and worry her. He said he had to leave before she was the one broken.

She pleaded with him to stay. She said she trusted him. She said she believed he would never do her harm, even if he wasn't himself. She said she'd forgive him if something happened. She said she knew the real him lived to protect her, not to hurt her or anyone else.

He refused to look her in the eye as she begged. He apologized as he walked through the door.

She asked where he was going. She asked if he would ever come back.

He said nothing.


	24. Twenty-fourth Reason: Hope

**Unknown Cupcake: Normally, I would reserve specific messages like this for private messaging, but since I don't have your contact info, I'm going to leave this here. I did really enjoy Lupin/Tonks in my Harry Potter days, and I can definitely see what you mean by the last chapter fitting them! However, it's been years since I've re-read the books - not actually much of a fan of the movies - and even when they were fresh in my mind, I never could get myself into the mindset to write fic for the series. I think I do better putting serious spins on aimless comedies, I guess. It's cool you think I could pull something like that off, though!**

**While I'm here, another huge thank you to all my reviewers! Every little bit of attention helps!**

**And even if you're not reviewing, thank you so much for reading this far - I hope you're enjoying it! If you are, I don't want to feel like I'm begging, but could you drop a little note in the review box? It really means a lot. Thanks, everyone!**

**On with the show!**

* * *

**Hope**

She wandered the streets in search of Mike. He'd stormed out of her house an hour ago, but it was only just now that Zoey could stop crying long enough to feel comfortable leaving. His car was still parked outside, so he couldn't have gone back to his own town; but in that case, where _did _he go?

She had no idea how long she roamed the streets, her panic growing with every passing minute. Where would he have run off to, if not home? He wouldn't do anything drastic, would he?

By sundown, Zoey was considering calling the cops. She could have screamed with relief when she finally found him sitting on a curb on a side of town they never went to, staring up at the sky.

"MIKE!" she called his name. He turned his head to face her, but then looked toward the ground and gripped his ankles. Zoey ran toward him and sat on the curb by his side.

"Mike? Is that you?"

He gave a small nod, but still didn't turn to face her.

"Damn it, you had me worried sick..."

"I'm sorry," he mumbled. "I'm sorry you have to deal with all this... I didn't mean to worry you, it's just... when I saw that I ATTACKED you, I guess I got freaked out..."

Zoey rested her hand on his shoulder and slightly squeezed. "It's not your fault."

"No, but I still can't do anything about it, and it scares me," Mike said. "This personality... he won't tell me his name. He won't tell me anything. I can only feel how angry he gets when I'm with you too long. I... I think he hates you for some reason." Mike flinched, expecting Zoey to take offense, but it never happened. She simply started rubbing his shoulder again. Mike sighed, then continued speaking. "If he ever hurts you... god, I'd never forgive myself if that happened..."

"We'll beat this thing," Zoey said. "I promise. I know you can do it, and I'll be there for you every step of the way. I'm not leaving you... no matter how many times you tell me I should."

"Thanks, Zoey." Mike finally managed a tiny smile, which eased the knots in Zoey's stomach.

She stood up and reached out her hand. "Come on, let's go back to my place. My parents are definitely home by now, and they're probably wondering where the heck we are."

Mike took Zoey's hand and pulled himself up to his feet. "You really think there's hope for us? That we'll be all right?"

Zoey hugged him close, her head rested against his chest. "Of course."


	25. Twenty-fifth Reason: Awkward

**Awkward**

Mike and Zoey both sat on opposite ends of the couch. A dead silence had fallen over the room, with neither of them sure if they should be the one to break it. Mike finally took the chance.

"Zoey, it wasn't my-"

"It wasn't your fault. I know," she answered. She'd had to assure him that a lot recently, but this time, Mike couldn't be sure if she meant it.

"She just got curious, I think," Mike tried to explain. "I didn't even realize she was trying to come out until you screamed."

_Svetlana's curiosity was satisfied, _came a high-pitched voice from within Mike's subconscious. _She is most definitely not interested in girls._

"You didn't need to experiment in the first place," Mike muttered, not quite loud enough for Zoey to hear his words. Just ten minutes ago, Mike was in a teenage boy's paradise, holding his lover in his lap and kissing her deeply. He didn't even realize he'd blacked out. One second he was making out with his girlfriend, not a care in his world, and the next thing he knew, she'd slapped him across the face and screamed at Svetlana to get away from her.

"What, exactly, did she do?" Mike asked.

"I guess she was kissing me for a part of that time. I noticed your technique got a little sloppy all of a sudden," she answered, a touch of sarcasm in her voice. "Then she broke the kiss, announced that 'Svetlana shall go for second base!'" - Zoey pitched up her voice to mimic Svetlana's - "and..." She fell silent and crossed her arms over her chest. It took her a few seconds to finish her story. "She groped me."

"_Oh._" Now Mike really knew what had Zoey so ticked off. He held his forehead in his palm and muttered every swear he knew under his breath, cursing the day his brain decided to split in the first place. Even he'd never gotten a chance to do that to her yet! He'd asked, she'd refused, he understood and held off. Now this stupid disorder had made him disrespect his girlfriend's wishes so blatantly. On the bright side, at least she understood it wasn't truly his doing, but he would have greatly preferred if it didn't happen at all.

Zoey reached out and grabbed the hand that Mike wasn't pressing against his head. "Do you want to get back to what we were doing?"

"I'm not even in the mood anymore," Mike said.

Twenty-four hours from then, the whole thing would be a ridiculous story they could laugh at together, about how their very first attempt at going beyond kissing happened due to Svetlana having no tact whatsoever. But in the moment, in all his embarrassment, all Mike wanted to do was sink into the floor.


	26. Twenty-sixth Reason: You and Me

**You and Me**

Shredding magazines had become a hobby of Mike's. It may have started with one of his more short-tempered alters – he wasn't even sure which one – but even as Mike, after a series of disastrous interviews, ripping out articles he didn't like had started to offer catharsis. Neatly tearing the paper into strips was preferable to losing control and throwing things, so instead of letting an alter take over and cause more damage than necessary, Mike had taken to destroying the magazine himself before his rage took over and made a bigger mess.

Zoey picked up a page that Mike had removed from the magazine, but hadn't yet shredded. "What's wrong with this one? It seems nice enough. Nothing about us breaking up or anything. I don't even see anything about your MPD on here."

"I don't know if it's wrong for this to bug me," Mike said. "But... do you remember that interview? We talked about our relationship for a few minutes, but you spent a lot of time talking about how you started selling dress patterns."

"Is that the one where you talked about your film auditions?"

"Yeah, that one. Do you see anything about any of our solo stuff on that page?"

Zoey skimmed through the rest of the article. "You're right, I don't... it's just about us together. I don't even remember saying half of this stuff."

"Aside from the one we all gave before we started on _Total Drama, _have you ever been asked to do an interview on your own?" Mike asked.

Zoey shook her head.

"I did a couple of times, but they seemed more interested in my disorder than anything else about me," Mike responded as he tore a page into halves, then quarters. "I feel lucky when interviewers actually ask about ME, even if it never gets published. Most of them don't even pretend to care about who we are, just about potential drama between us. Doesn't that bother you?"

"I never really thought about it, but you're right," Zoey responded, looking over the page in her hands in hopes of finding a quote she actually said. Once she failed at that task, she started tearing the page in the same manner as Mike. "It's always about you and me. And while I like the sound of you and me... you're right. We're our own people with our own futures. Sometimes the fans ask about us, and I really love that. Why don't these official interviewers ever care?"

"No drama means no sales," Mike said, tossing some bits of paper into the trash can he had set up next to him. "Who cares that I might get my first part in an indie movie when they can twist my words to mean I'm beating you or something?" Mike took a few deep breaths and focused on keeping control. While he'd learned to brush off the interviews that just ignored his life outside Zoey or talked about them breaking up, he would never feel anything aside from anger and nausea at the abuse accusations.

"I still feel happy seeing stuff about us in the media," Mike continued. "Some people have really accepted us as a couple, and I don't that to stop." He threw away the last page, then leaned against Zoey and tried to relax. "I love the idea of you and me. But I still wish that just you or just me could have the spotlight every once in a while."


	27. Twenty-seventh Reason: Missing You

**Missing You**

Mike enjoyed the Playa Des Losers much, much more than he could ever tolerate Camp Wawanakwa. It sucked that he didn't win the million dollars, but he felt he played well enough for his purposes. He was on the show long enough to hopefully gain some fame and open future doors in the acting world. That was one of the reasons he joined, after all; the money was simply a nice bonus. He never expected to win in the first place. Frankly, he found it amazing that he made it to merge day at all. Despite the confident show he put on in his audition video, he expected his disorder to screw everything up in the first week. He made it further than he anticipated, and now he got to spend the rest of the season's run in this resort instead of nearly getting himself killed on a daily basis.

The only thing he would change was the slight loneliness that began to sink in as the days went by. He did enjoy catching up with campers like Brick and Sam, but he still wasn't especially close to them. If Mike could choose the winner that season, it definitely would have been Zoey, but if she wasn't going to win this year, he wished she'd come to the resort sooner rather than later. He wondered if this was a selfish wish, but he couldn't help himself. She may have only been his girlfriend for a few hours before he got sent here, but already he missed her like crazy. He wanted to get her out of that dangerous camp as soon as possible. He wanted to spend the rest of summer swimming with her, talking to her, or just sitting in the sun relaxing with her.

And besides, he never did get to kiss her.


	28. Twenty-eighth Reason: Betrayal

**Betrayal**

Zoey found it difficult to sleep that night.

She always found it difficult to sleep in that cabin. Those beds weren't exactly made with luxury silk, especially not when compared to her own bed at home. However, tonight, the bed was the least of her worries. In fact, under most circumstances, she might have found it easy to sleep tonight. Spending this long competing on this show and getting less sleep than she was used to had started to catch up with her. Her major problem centered around the girl sleeping in the bed across from hers.

He _kissed _her. He kissed _her!_

Zoey glared at Anne Maria through the darkness, then turned around to face the wall and tightened her blanket around her. Why? Why was Mike suddenly trying to impress Anne Maria instead? He claimed that the whole thing was acting practice that got out of hand. What a stupid excuse!

She'd seen this sort of thing happen enough in her school to have an idea of what was really going on. Mike was a player. He wanted to be with both her and Anne Maria, and he'd say and do whatever would get them on his side. That must have been what he was doing. Mike was a fake, nothing more! He never cared for her at all! He only told her what she wanted to hear, and he'd throw her aside when he got bored, she knew it!

She knew it, and yet... and yet, she just couldn't tear her heart away from the situation. She knew she should give up on Mike before she got hurt, but she couldn't bring herself to let him go so easily. Mike seemed so genuine at the start. He couldn't have lied about _everything. _Surely, enough of what he told her was true to make him the kind, likable boy she'd fallen for. Maybe if she did everything in her power to impress him, he'd forget about Anne Maria altogether-

No! Zoey scolded herself for even considering that. She'd spent her entire life sticking to her principles, even when it led to her becoming a social outcast. Why in the world would she consider giving up her pride to impress a boy who couldn't even show her the courtesy of honesty?

She knew what would happen in the morning. He'd sit with her at breakfast and strike up a conversation with her as if today never happened. As if he couldn't even remember it. He'd act like his sweet, funny self, without a trace of that stupid accent or smirk he took on when he was with Anne Maria.

And she'd fall for it. She'd let him back in and agree to pretend that he never betrayed her, in the hopes that it wouldn't happen again and she'd get to keep the Mike she'd fallen for.

Sometimes, Zoey really hated how desperate she could be for approval at the risk of her own pride.


	29. Twenty-ninth Reason: Hurt

**Hurt**

"Mike?" Zoey knocked quietly on his bedroom door. She'd rushed over there the second she heard Mike had been discharged from the hospital.

"Come in!" Mike slurred, punctuating his offer with a giggle. If Zoey didn't know any better, she would have thought he was drunk. She opened the door to the sight of Mike leaning sitting in a pile of pillows on his bed, with his broken leg propped up on some of them. A jug of water and a bottle of prescription pain pills sat on his end table.

"What happened to you?" Zoey asked. "Your parents called and told me you were getting a cast on your leg, but not why."

"Svetlana. That bitch." Mike laughed again. "She- ha... she fell asleep in a tree. Again. A tree! Who sleeps in a tree?! Why does she always gotta sleep in trees?" Mike broke out into a full force of laughter that prevented him from speaking.

"What is in those pills?!" Zoey asked.

"I... I don't know! But it doesn't hurt! That's good! So, anyway. Svetlana. Bitch. Slept in the tree. I woke up. Fell out. Hurt- ha! Hurt real bad! Mom found me. Took me to the hospital. Got a cast and these pills!" The laughter started again, but didn't last as long as last time. "I hate these pills. Can't think... why's everything funny? But... gotta. Gotta take 'em. Else it hurts real bad. I've done this before. Should be used to it. I'm not!"

Waves of pity crashed over Zoey as she watched her injured boyfriend, reduced into a giggling, incoherent mess. This wasn't anything like him at all.

His mood suddenly crashed, without a hint of his earlier giggling. "I hate this... hate this so much... hate when I can't think..." his voice began slurring again, but instead of laughing, he teetered on the edge of tears.

Zoey furrowed her brow. "Is there anything I can do?" she asked, hoping he'd give her something she could use to comfort him.

"Sit? With me?" Mike asked. The way he voiced this request and looked into her eyes reminded Zoey of an upset child. "I don't wanna be alone. Not feeling good. At all."

Zoey slowly took her place next to Mike, careful not to jostle his injured leg. The second Zoey was there to catch him, Mike let his body collapse against hers, with his head against her shoulder and his arms limp at his sides.

"'m sleepy..." he muttered before drifting off. Zoey took his arms and placed them around her waist. Mike responded by tightening them around her.

"I'm sorry, Mike..." Zoey said quietly as she ran her fingers through his mess of hair. "I hope you feel better soon..."


	30. Thirtieth Reason: Exasperated

**Exasperated**

Mike always hated button-down shirts because of how easy it was for Vito to get them open. At least with standard shirts, Vito had trouble getting them off when Mike was limiting his strength. With buttoned shirts, however, all it took was a few unfastened buttons for Vito to fully trigger and push Mike aside. Still, Zoey had dropped hints about how she loved a guy in a nice, buttoned shirt, so Mike decided to give it a try for her sake.

They both quickly viewed this as a mistake.

"Damn it, Vito, give Mike back!" Zoey snapped at Vito as the two stood in Mike's living room, her temper flaring much more than she liked.

"Nah, don't think I will right now," Vito replied. "Been a while since I could get some air, ya know?" He took a few steps toward Zoey. "Been a while since I could get some other things, too," he said with a grin.

"Buzz off."

"Aw, come on, you've touched it before!" Vito said, pulling the shirt open further and exposing Mike's chest even more. "Along with, heh, other places. So what's the big deal?"

Zoey swallowed a rising urge to vomit. It amazed her how a change in personality could make the body she normally adored seem so repulsive. "No!" she spat. She reached for the shirt and tried to button it so Mike could come back, but Vito grabbed her wrists and stared into her eyes, still wearing that slimy grin.

"Just once! I won't talk, you can pretend I'm your precious Mikey-"

"NO!" she shouted again and yanked her hands back. She stared at him for a few more seconds to see if her shout had cut through to the real Mike, but the cocky expression on his face indicated otherwise. At a loss of what else to do, she turned and headed toward the door.

"I'm going to the park. Tell Mike where I went," she told Vito as she walked out.

Vito didn't scare her. He didn't seem like the type who would seriously try anything awful, and if he did, she felt she could fight him off. Even if she couldn't bring herself to fight out of a reluctance to injure Mike, one sharp scream would likely bring Mike back. He could battle his way back if she was in danger from an outside cause, so there was no way he'd sit back and let his own body harm her.

Vito wasn't a serious threat. She just found him completely irritating.


	31. Thirty-first Reason: Serendipity

**Serendipity**

Mike never considered himself particularly lucky. With his disorder's tendency to flare up at the worst possible times, it seemed that he was quite the opposite. Things never fell perfectly into place for him like he sometimes hoped. It took a lot of work for him to make life even manageable, never mind enjoyable. By the age of sixteen, he'd resigned himself to the fact that life would never be better than average for him, and even that was if he worked at it. He'd never find that big break in life he was looking for. Mike didn't even expect to be accepted onto _Total Drama, _especially not after he slipped and mentioned having a psychiatrist in his audition.

Even when he was accepted, he didn't expect to truly bond with any of the other campers. It would have been nice to make some friends, but he'd probably accidentally hurt them later anyway, so why bother?

Thinking back on it today, he realized that everything that happened to him due to _Total Drama _could have been the result of a sudden stroke of luck, sixteen years overdue. Perhaps it was luck that he decided to disregard everyone's advice and go for the show despite his problems.

That same luck could have led him to hint at having a mental disorder on his audition and then have that take get submitted by mistake. Maybe the potential drama that could stem from such a thing is why Chris took an interest in him in the first place.

That one season on the reality show from hell did more for Mike than anything else ever had. It netted him a few accepting friends, an amazing girlfriend, enough fame to get him on the acting path he'd always dreamed of, and the knowledge that maybe, with enough effort, he really could exert some control over the others in his head.

Even if it took him another sixteen years to experience another stroke of luck, Mike was totally OK with that. All those happy coincidences that came from that summer were enough for now.


	32. Thirty-second Reason: Irony

**Irony**

Crazy.

Mike always hated that word. It was the word his peers had flung at him ever since news of his MPD came out. Before that, he could deal with "reclusive" or "mysterious" or "strange". But now, one single word replaced all the others. "Crazy." It wasn't even used in an endearing way, like that guy in every neighborhood who always does off-the-wall things to liven up parties and entertain classmates. Instead, they spoke it with fear and disdain. "Don't go near Michael Skinner. He's crazy. Who knows what he might do to you?"

He had always heard that love drives people crazy. While he could see why people would assign that word to the way he felt whenever he was with Zoey, he still had no desire to use it. Instead, he focused on the calm he felt with her and how her very presence could make the voices go away.

It was ironic, really. His love for Zoey never drove him crazy, like everyone said it would. Instead, it kept him sane.


	33. Thirty-third Reason: Game

**Because there seems to be a bit of confusion with the chapter titles - I don't actually choose the chapter titles. I'm working from a list of prompts, and each chapter is titled after the prompt I used. So while the word "Crazy" would have worked for chapter 32, that wasn't my prompt - my prompt was "Irony", and that was the idea I got for the word irony. Sorry for any confusion!**

* * *

**Game**

Zoey collapsed to a seating position on the steps to the cabin, grateful to finally have a place to sit after the grueling events of the day. She pulled up the legs of her pants and scowled at the scratches and bruises that covered her legs. None of the cuts were deep enough to bleed, but it still hurt to have the fabric touching them.

Mike followed closely behind her. He leaned against the railing and took a few deep breaths, trying to relax after the challenge. At that point, the money was only the second thing in his mind; instead, he was fighting for his own survival, both physically and mentally. As long as he could get out of this camp in one piece, anything that followed would be a bonus.

"Why did we sign those stupid contracts?!" Zoey snapped. "I swear, Chris gets worse and worse with every season! I don't want to play this stupid game anymore! He can keep his money!"

"I don't really wannna here either," Mike said as he took a seat next to Zoey. "This isn't worth it. I got my name out into the world the first time, so every season I don't win is a complete waste. I don't know if I can take the stress anymore." He rested a hand on Zoey's shoulder. By the glare on her face, he could tell that she wasn't dealing well with the stress, either. Mike hoped he wouldn't have to experience Commando Zoey first hand, though he wouldn't have blamed her if she snapped again.

"I wish I never signed up for this stupid game in the first place," Zoey said. "I should have known it'd be this rough on me."

Mike frowned. "Do you really wish that?" he asked. "You haven't gotten anything positive out of this?"

Zoey laughed. "OK, I got a few things... I got the friends I came here for." She wrapped one arm around Mike and pulled him closer. "I also got an awesome boyfriend out of it. So I guess it wasn't all bad."

"We were both pretty stupid to sign up for _Total Drama _and sell our lives to Chris McLean_,_ weren't we?" Mike asked, smiling with her.

Zoey nodded. "We sure were. But at least we can play this stupid game together."


	34. Thirty-fourth Reason: Got You

**Got You**

Today's challenge was a race through the woods, with plenty of obstacles in the campers' paths. They were still on teams, with the reward going to the first team to get all of their members to the finish line, but beyond that, it was every player for themselves. Svetlana had already come out and carried Mike well into the lead, with Zoey in the middle as far as her rank among her team went. Part of the path involved jumping through tree branches and not landing in the unidentifiable, possibly still radioactive slime below. Zoey moved to leap from one branch to the next, but only her hands managed to grab the next branch. She struggled to pull herself up, but couldn't make it. There were no branches below to land on, only the muck that Zoey didn't want to risk getting anywhere near.

"Help!" she screamed. She knew relying on others would earn more accusations of her being useless from the media, but it was better than taking her chances on the swamp. Help arrived soon in the form of Mike standing on the branch she clung to for dear life.

"Don't worry, I got you!" he said as he grabbed her hands and pulled her up next to him. She took a few moments to sit and catch her breath before she could even think about continuing the race.

"Move it, you two!" Courtney had caught up with them. "You can't just sit here and make out all day! Our team has a game to win!" Just as quickly as she had approached, she was gone, having moved on through the trees and on to the next part of the challenge. Mike and Zoey exchanged embarrassed smiles, then quickly followed without another word between the two, with Mike staying in his own mind for this go through. If they lost this challenge because Mike had gone back to get Zoey, they would never hear the end of it from Courtney that night.


	35. Thirty-fifth Reason: Together

**Together**

Mike and Zoey were always the last two to head into the cabin for the night. After the stress of the day's challenges and elimination ceremony, they liked to unwind by catching up with each other before going to sleep. Today was no different; while everyone else had left the fire pit, the pair stayed behind to chat.

"You know what I've realized?" Mike asked after a lull in the conversation. "Ever since the merge, Chris has been constantly putting us against each other in challenges."

"I noticed that by the second day. I figured it's because we're a pair," Zoey answered. "It's like you've complained about before, it's always Mike and Zoey, never just Mike or just Zoey. Keeping us together is probably for the ratings. People are gonna tune in to see the season's lovebirds fighting each other."

Mike shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Maybe it's just about making a couple compete... but I was thinking... maybe there's something more to it than that."

"Like what?" Zoey asked.

"Well..." Mike took a few seconds to gather the resolve it took to speak further. "It's that angry personality of mine. What if Chris is counting on him getting too into the challenge and hurting you? I'm not worried about it when we're just talking like this, but in the heat of the challenge... maybe Chris is hoping to drive a wedge between us."

"Do you think he'd do that?" Zoey asked. "I thought we were good for ratings."

"We are, but so is conflict."

The pair stayed silent before Zoey spoke up again. "You wouldn't be mad if I'm the one who gets you eliminated, would you?" she asked. "I'd never vote for you, but I might beat you in a 'last place is eliminated' challenge or something."

"Of course not!" Mike said. "We're both going for the million, aren't we? We should try our best while we're here. I don't want you to go easy on me. That's not fair." Mike paused for a few seconds before continuing. "Still... even when one of us goes, I hope it's not because of the other. I don't want you to go home because of me."

"I don't wanna eliminate you, either," Zoey said. "But as long Chris keeps us together in the challenges, it's inevitable that one of us will have to beat the other. Maybe that's exactly what he wants."


	36. Thirty-sixth Reason: Team-up

**I'm going to be going with "Mike and Zoey on a new season of ****_Total Drama_****" for a few more prompts, and I feel the need to elaborate on something that I wasn't sure how to work into the narrative - this little plot line isn't supposed to take place during ****_All Stars_****. That's why I've mentioned players who were already confirmed not to appear this year and why the merge seems early for a season with only fourteen players - this fictional season would be a full 26-episode one, leaving more room for Chris to get scheme-y during the post-merge. I hope that clears up any confusion!**

* * *

**Team-up**

"Good morning, final eight!" Chris greeted the remaining competitors. No one but Chris seemed to be having a particularly good morning. The sun hadn't even risen yet; could this even count as morning?

"For today's first challenge, I thought we'd go back to teams for the day. The team that wins the first challenge will move on to the second and compete for invincibility," he announced. The contestants immediately moved toward their teammates from the beginning of the game. "Ah, ah, ah! I'll be choosing the teams. Now, let's see here... Cody, stand to my left. Sierra, to my right." The pair took their places, but not before Sierra made an anguished wail.

As Chris spoke, Mike slowly inched his way over to Zoey. "Don't split us, don't split us..." he mumbled under his breath.

"Courtney, left! Brick, right!"

"Don't split us..."

"Mike, left! Zoey, right!"

"No!" Zoey yelled. "Chris, Mike and I haven't been able to team up once since the merge!"

"I know," Chris said, smirking. "Mike, left! Zoey, right!"

"I'm sorry," Mike said quietly in Zoey's ear before they went to join their new teams. Mike tried to shake off his disappointment from being separated from Zoey. After all, they did promise to not go easy on each other the night before. Instead of worrying about competing with her, he focused his thoughts on trying his best to win the challenge.

Another resident of Mike's head had the same thought.

_We're gonna win this today, right, Mike? _the new voice asked.

_I'm gonna try my best to, _Mike replied, not sure who he was talking to.

_Even if __**she **__gets in the way? _the alter continued. This gave Mike enough of a hint as to who he was dealing with; that nameless one with a vendetta against Zoey.

_You stay away from her! Don't you dare come out! _Mike hissed inside his head. The unnamed alter kept talking, but Mike tuned him out in favor of listening to Chris describing the challenge.

Mike had to stay himself until the season was over. He had to try his damnedest to. The consequences if he didn't were far too great.

But with the way Chris had smirked when he split him from Zoey again, Mike wondered if the host was banking on his failure.


	37. Thirty-seventh Reason: Defend

**Defend**

Zoey jumped back as another bomb went off, the shrapnel only barely missing her. The challenge centered around each team trying to hunt down and immobilize the other, but Zoey's plan involved rope traps and covered pits. Who was using bombs? Who even got their hands on bombs in the first place? They probably belonged to Chris, but who would be able to rob his bomb stash?

Zoey heard a familiar voice snickering. She looked up to see Mike sitting in a tree branch, holding a remote and laughing.

"Mike?!" she called up. "What are you _doing_?!"

"Mike's sleeping right now," he said with a smirk. He tossed the remote a few inches up, caught it, and pressed a button. Zoey jumped away from the direction of the beeping sound that followed. A smaller bomb went off after she moved. It posed no danger to Zoey from where she had dodged to, but things could have been much more painful if she stayed where she was.

"Where did you find bombs?!" Zoey called up.

"Funny thing," Mike's voice replied. "There was a huge box of them where I woke up, right there in the open. It's almost like Chris wanted me to find them!"

"MIKE!" Zoey screamed. "Mike, please wake up!"

The alter laughed again, then pressed a series of buttons at once. The beeps came from several directions. Zoey was surrounded with no clue where she could escape to in time.

Mike tackled her to the ground right before the bombs went off and laid his body over hers. Zoey could feel the heat from the explosion, but Mike shielded her from the flying shards of metal.


	38. Thirty-eighth Reason: Tonight

**I feel the need to defend myself here - in "Team-up", I referred to the final eight contestants, but only mentioned six players. The intention was that Mike didn't hear what teams the other two went to because he was too lost in his own head, but I realize now that it looks like I just can't count. Sorry if there was any confusion there! I've gotta be more careful.**

* * *

**Tonight**

Mike sat up, panting heavily, once the smoke cleared and the area went silent. His back and legs smarted from where the bombs had hit him, but there didn't seem to be any lasting damage. He'd experienced more pain from earlier challenges. Those bombs weren't nearly as dangerous as they looked or sounded.

But there was no way that the alter knew that.

And he'd tried hitting Zoey with them.

"Oh god... Zoey, I'm sorry... I'm so, so sorry..." Mike said. "He came out once I saw the bombs... I came back as soon as I could... I know we promised each other we'd try our best to win, but... I don't want to win like this..." He let himself fall backward against a tree and continued trying to get his head back. While he could remember who he was and had full control of his body, Mike's thoughts still remained muddy. He wasn't sure if that was because he wasn't fully in his mind yet, or if it was from the panic he felt after realizing what could have happened to Zoey.

"Chris just wanted you to scare me," Zoey said as she stood up. She reached her hand out to Mike. "It's his fault for making you trigger. You had nothing to do with it. Now come on, let's get back to playing."

Mike refused to take her hand. "I don't want to be here anymore. This time Chris just tried scaring us. If I keep playing anyway, what if he does something worse?"

"Mike, you promised you wouldn't step back for my sake-"

"I said I wouldn't step back so you could win the money. I'm stepping back so I don't do something stupid and get you really hurt," Mike answered. "Could you tell everyone to vote for me tonight? I'm voting for myself."

"I said I wouldn't vote you off!"

"That was when I still wanted to be here. You'll be doing me a favor."

Chris approached Mike and Zoey as they spoke, smiling wider than he had all season. "Hey, you two! How did you like the little twist I added?"

Zoey glared at Chris. The producers beeped out Mike's response.

"So, you guys playing or what? Your teams aren't gonna be happy if you just sit here."

Mike and Zoey exchanged a final glance. He nodded at her, and after a second of hesitation, she took off to continue the challenge elsewhere. Chris turned toward one of the cameras in the area.

"Can Mike and Zoey's relationship take much more of this? Will campers like Zoey and Brick be all right with voting Mike off? And where on Earth did Sierra go off to? Find out when we come back to _Total-_"

Mike interrupted Chris's speech by burying his face into his knees and screaming.


	39. Thirty-ninth Reason: Over The Moon

**Wow, um, last night I made a STUPID mistake with "Tonight" in regards to the teams. I've since fixed it, but sorry if you had to see that! Man, I've made little mistakes like that a lot recently... sorry for my incompetence. I will try to be better. Aside from that, I think this is the end of the little "playing _Total Drama" _arc.  
**

* * *

**Over the Moon**

The campers sat around the fire for that night's elimination ceremony. Chris stood in his usual spot, holding the plate of marshmallows.

"So! Interesting game today," Chris said. "Mike, you tried killing your girlfriend. Nice going."

"That wasn't me and you know it!" Mike protested.

"Now, I'll hand out the marshmallows," Chris continued as if Mike never spoke. "Brick won the second challenge, so he's automatically safe," Chris said as he tossed Brick a marshmallow.

Mike tuned out Chris's words. If his plan worked out, he already knew who would be going home that night. Zoey, Brick, Sierra, and Cody all had their eyes on him, with apologetic looks on their faces. They must have been the ones Zoey told about the incident that afternoon. That meant four votes right there, didn't it? Plus his own vote, making five... there was no way he was safe. Just as he wanted it.

He also noticed Courtney glaring at him. That's right, he remembered – he and Courtney were on the same team for that first challenge. Since he sat the game out, she lost her chance at immunity. So there was a sixth vote, most likely. He had no idea who Heather and Noah would have voted for, but it didn't even matter. He was gone. All according to plan.

"And the last marshmallow goes to Sierra!" Chris announced.

"YES!" Mike cheered as he stood up. Zoey stood up as well and ran to him.

"Mike, I'm so sorry! I shouldn't have told everyone to vote..."

"No, it's fine!" Mike said, grinning madly. "I'm going home! I won't hurt anyone anymore!" Zoey took a step back from Mike. This wasn't his usual joy; he'd gone outright manic. "You'll be- well, you won't be safe, no one is EVER safe here, but I won't be the one to hurt you!"

Zoey wasn't even sure if this was really Mike. She knew he wanted to go home, but she rarely saw him this over the moon about anything. Seeing him so giddy because he lost unsettled her.

Mike rested his hands on her shoulders, still grinning. His words were interspersed with the occasional giggle or heavy breath. "Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. I'll go to the Playa, or wherever they're sending me, and I'll relax and get my head together. You just focus on winning, all right?"

She smiled at him. He may have been acting strangely, but she attributed it to his stress. Doing anything but go along with it wouldn't have helped. "All right. I trust you. Please get better."

Mike leaned in to kiss Zoey goodbye, but never made it before a yank on the back of his shirt collar pulled him away from her.

"We don't have time for this," Chris said. He pushed Mike toward the dock. "Go!"

Mike headed off to the dock, still smiling. He didn't even listen to what Chris had to say as parting words.

He was going home. Unlike the rest of the campers, he thought this was the best outcome he could have wanted for himself.


	40. Fortieth Reason: Daylight

**Daylight**

The daylight filtered through Mike's bedroom window. Zoey opened her eyes as the light hit her face. She sat up and looked over at Mike. While the two had fallen asleep in an embrace, they had separated over the course of the night. He was sprawled out on his side of the mattress, his blanket tangled around his legs. Zoey smiled at him and lightly ruffled his hair; she always thought he looked cute while sleeping.

Zoey was never one to sleep late, so she left Mike's side to get ready to take a shower. She shuffled through her overnight bag to find everything she needed for the morning.

As she tried deciding which of the two tops she brought she wanted to wear today, she heard a groan coming from the bed. While Mike had looked peaceful just minutes before, his face now contorted with worry. His hands clutched at the pillows on Zoey's side of the bed, and his breathing was heavier than normal. Zoey had seen him do this before while he slept alone. It usually meant he was having nightmares. Before long, he'd likely start mumbling, then the mumbling would escalate into screams. Once it finally ended, he'd wake up in a cold sweat and take a while to calm down and be ready to start the day.

Zoey placed her clothes back in her bag, got back into bed with Mike, and wrapped one arm around him. "It's OK, I'm here..." she whispered as she gently stroked his back. Slowly but surely, he began to relax. The sounds he made before became quieter and more infrequent before fading out altogether. He released his death grip on the pillows and moved his arms to around Zoey's waist.

Zoey decided to stay with Mike until he woke up on his own. She didn't normally like sleeping during daylight, but she'd stay in bed a little while longer if it meant comforting him.


	41. Forty-first Reason: Candlelight

**Candlelight**

Zoey loved eating in upscale restaurants, but while Mike happily indulged her for the first few months of their relationship, it soon became impossible to keep going on those dates. Their share of Cameron's winnings and the occasional paycheck they received for making media appearances funded the outings at first, but the pair soon decided it'd be a better idea to save the money for something more important, like college expenses. They'd still have their dates in cheaper diners or even occasionally cook something at home, which led them to realize that it wasn't the food they missed about their fancy dinners. Instead, it was the atmosphere and the feeling that the night was truly special. Going to a diner while dressed in a t-shirt and jeans and eating to the soundtrack of screaming children and arguing couples simply wasn't the same.

Zoey wasn't sure why Mike had asked her to wear a nice dress, preferably one he hadn't seen before, for her visit that weekend. She also wasn't sure why he asked her to make sure she came hungry. Still, she decided to oblige. She knocked on Mike's door, and her eyes widened when he answered, dressed in a suit that she made him for Christmas but that he hadn't had opportunity to wear yet.

"Hey- wow! Hey, Zoey!" he greeted her, stammering over his words. "You look great! I really like you in white."

"Mike..." she said with a sigh. "I know I said I miss going out, but we don't have to. I know you're trying to save money instead of constantly splurging."

Mike smiled at her. "We're not going out. Come on in. My parents went somewhere, so I think we have a few hours to ourselves." He took her hand and led her into the kitchen. Zoey gasped once they entered. The kitchen lights were off, but the room was lit by a candelabra sitting on the table. A radio on the counter softly played relaxing piano music.

"I cooked dinner myself," Mike said, grinning. A lasagna dish sat in the middle of the table. It looked simple, but he still radiated it with pride over it. "Not dessert, though, I just picked up a cake at work... but you said it was about the atmosphere and not the food, right?"

"You're right, I did," Zoey said, smiling. She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. "Thanks so much for this... you're so sweet."

The two sat and began to share their candlelight dinner. It may not have been gourmet food, but Zoey could tell Mike had done everything he could to emulate her favorite restaurants within the constraints of his talents and budget. She decided she liked this idea a lot better. After all, it held much more meaning than simply paying for a check at the end of the evening.


	42. Forty-second Reason: We Belong

**Yep, I spelled "forty" wrong on the last two chapter titles. I've since fixed it. Sorry about that! I still think "forty" looks stupid, but that's what the dictionary said, so eh.**

**I also feel a need to apologize for the ****_Total Drama _****arc I did... looking back, I'm not really proud of it. It was rushed and deserved much more than the week and the focused prompt titles I gave it. But then, I don't trust myself to write a full season-themed fic. So it just sits there in all its flaws. Well, what's done is done... I'm learning as I'm writing and I'm bound to make mistakes. I'll just have to do better moving forward. Sorry you guys had to sit through it, and I really hope it didn't put anyone off of the rest of the series!**

* * *

**We Belong**

Vito and Zoey sat on opposite sides of the room, both engrossed in their own activities; Zoey worked with her sewing machine, while Vito watched some trashy paternity-focused talk show. Mike had recently agreed to let the alters come out without their triggers if they agreed to keep to themselves, not do anything that would leave consequences for Mike to deal with later, and to stay in if Mike was in the middle of something important. It wasn't an ideal situation for Mike or for Zoey, but after too many incidents where an alter would appear and ruin the moment while the couple tried to do something together, it was the only way either of them could think of to pacify the others and limit the damage they caused. Zoey tried her best to ignore Vito's presence, but it was difficult with that awful TV show blaring.

"Vito, could you turn that down?!" she shouted. "I can't concentrate on this project!"

Vito rolled his eyes and reached for the remote. "You could do that upstairs, ya know."

"I'm not leaving you alone in my living room," she said. "I have no idea what you or any of the others in there will do."

"Hey, me and the others got a deal with Mike. We're not gonna do something stupid and get locked up in here again."

"I don't see why you shouldn't be," Zoey answered. "I get barely any personal time with Mike as it is. I hate losing it to you guys."

"What makes it so that he deserves to be out more, anyway?" Vito asked. "What makes him so special?"

"It's his body!" Zoey snapped. Wasn't it obvious?

"I'm in here, too, and it's the only body I got. Same as the others. We belong here just as much as Mike does."

"No you don't," she muttered, then turned her attention back to her project, hoping to ignore Vito for the rest of his time out.

"Do you have any idea what we've been through for this kid?" Vito asked. "Has he told you _anything _about where we came from?"

"He hasn't..." Zoey wasn't yet ready to admit that she'd researched his condition and had an idea of what caused it.

"He made us as punching bags," Vito answered. "Whenever he couldn't take what was happening to him, he'd go to sleep and make one of us deal with it. And then he has the balls to say we ruin his life and try to get rid of us the second we're not useful anymore?" Vito let out a hollow laugh. "Maybe he's not the sweet, generous guy you think he is, with the way he treats us."

"I'm sure he didn't do it on purpose," Zoey answered. "And you guys haven't exactly been kind to him, either."

"I don't owe him nothin'. I dealt with his crap for years, I ain't doin' it anymore," Vito answered. "Now leave me alone, my show's back."

Zoey's gut insisted on not believing a word Vito said. She considered asking Mike about it when he came back, though she wasn't sure if that would be crossing a line.

All she was sure of was that she'd never believe that the alters belonged in Mike's head and had full right to overtake him, no matter what they claimed.


	43. Forty-third Reason: Take My Hand

**Take My Hand**

Zoey sat in bed, already changed into her pajamas, while Mike changed clothes nearby. She watched with concern as his hands fumbled to close the buttons of his pajama top. He moved stiffly and slowly as he took harsh staggered breaths through his teeth. She considered calling his name to help him regain his presence, but he'd asked her not to do that unless it was an emergency; he needed to learn to handle simple things like this on his own. All she could do was hope he managed all right and that Vito wouldn't make another appearance tonight.

After that afternoon's conversation, she really didn't want to see Vito again. Not without talking to Mike about what happened.

Mike sighed in relief as he slipped the last button into place. "There... I think that gets a little easier each time." He crossed the room and joined Zoey's side. "You OK?" he asked her. "You look upset."

"I talked to Vito earlier," Zoey answered.

"You what?!" Mike said. "Zoey, I'm sorry! I told him he could only come out if he left you alone! What did he do to you?!" A rage Zoey rarely saw from Mike crossed his face. "I knew letting him have his way was a bad idea! I swear, you'll never have to put up with him again, I'll make sure-"

"He didn't do anything to me," she cut Mike off. "He just... he said some things about you that I'm not sure whether to believe. Can I ask you something personal?"

"About what?" Mike asked, his face softening once he realized he hadn't hurt Zoey after all.

"About... them. Where did they come from? Why are they here? Vito gave me an explanation, and... and I've read some stuff about MPD online," she admitted. "But I don't wanna work off second-hand stuff. I want to hear it from you. But only if you want to talk about it."

Mike's breathing picked up. "Please don't tell anyone else about this? I think Dawn could see it, but I've never actually told anyone but Dr. Freeman. Even Cam doesn't know. I want it to stay that way."

"Of course I won't tell," Zoey said.

"OK." Mike said. He rested both of his hands over Zoey's. "Please hold them."

"Why?" Zoey asked as she closed her fingers around his hands.

"I'm gonna need a lot of comfort to get me through this," he answered. "You deserve to know what happened... but that doesn't mean this isn't going to hurt. Please take my hands and don't let go. If I start blacking out, I need to know you're here."


	44. Forty-fourth Reason: Forever

**OK... this... this one's a doozy. I've been averaging about 500 words per chapter, give or take, but this one ended up breaking 2000. I just can't bear to cut it down further, though - even if I somehow managed to split it up shoehorn it into the next prompts, there's really no good stopping points. So consider this a special episode of sorts.  
**

**The other thing that makes this a doozy is that this one is a bit darker than usual, as you may have been able to see coming from the last two or if you've read "Precious". This is where the fic's T rating gets pushed - abuse and suicide are mentioned. I totally understand if you don't want to read that sort of thing, so if you don't, just come back tomorrow. I plan on getting back into fluff for a while after this, since this was very draining on me.**

**I don't know if I'm proud of this yet, but I already promised I wouldn't skip a day... we'll just see how this goes over.**

* * *

**Forever**

"What do you know about MPD already?" Mike asked Zoey.

"I heard it's usually caused by trauma..." Zoey answered. "So, I figured something happened to you... but while I was curious, it seemed too nosy to ask. But then Vito said something about how you made the alters as punching bags, and that didn't seem like something you'd do..."

"That kind of is what happened. I just didn't do it on purpose. Until I started therapy and Dr. Freeman explained it to me, I didn't really know _what _I did. I was a normal kid at the start, I guess. Active like most boys were. I liked riding my bike, climbing trees, running around outside and pretending to have an adventure, normal kid stuff. That's probably why no one ever thought to question the cuts and bruises. That's just what happens to a kid who plays outside a lot, isn't it?"

Mike tightened his grip on Zoey's hands as he spoke. He faced her, but looked past her instead of into her eyes. He'd detached himself from the world. Zoey could hear him talk, but aside from the occasional squeeze he gave her hands, she felt he wasn't acknowledging her presence. She didn't mind that, though. She knew Mike needed to talk. This was about him, not her.

"I played outside a lot because I hated being inside... I barely remember what that house looked like inside. I remember it being small, but that might be because I almost never left my room if I had to be inside at all. I have no happy memories involving that place. My parents fought a lot... thinking back, I think dad might have been a drunk, but I didn't know what that meant then. And it's not an excuse anyway. I stayed in my room so it would be quieter... and because crossing dad's path when he was in that mood was never a good idea. I left my room during one of their arguments once and quickly learned never to do that again."

Mike trembled as he spoke. Zoey sat at a loss of what to do. While she had guessed his story might have been something like this, nothing could have prepared her to hear these words coming from his mouth.

"But even staying in my room didn't always help, since I didn't have a lock. So if he was upset and mom wasn't home, or he just wasn't interested in her for whatever reason, he'd come in..." Mike hissed through his teeth. "Sometimes he'd find an excuse, like if I brought home a bad grade from school or if my room was a mess, but other times he didn't even say a word, he just wanted a target for his rage. I spent a lot of time wishing someone could protect me from the beatings. Mom was too scared to do anything about it, and I didn't know that telling a teacher would do me any good. I thought a lot of kids went through that with a parent and I just had to deal with it on my own... but I couldn't. I came up with characters – I know Chester and Vito were part of that, plus some others I've since forgotten about – and pretended that they were there with me and wanted to help me. I pretended to talk to them about how I was feeling, since I didn't think I could talk to anyone else. When I was about eight, I heard my bedroom door opening, so I got ready to pretend I had my guardians with me and that they'd protect me... and then I woke up on the floor. I was in pain, but I didn't remember actually being hit that time. I didn't even remember seeing my dad or how I got on the floor. And then I heard someone talking, but I couldn't see them. 'I took that one. You better be grateful.' I somehow knew it was Vito.

At first, I was excited about this... I finally had guardians. It was like having a super power. Whenever something bad happened, I could go away until it stopped. I felt invincible. He couldn't hurt me anymore." Mike took a few deep breaths. "But... but it didn't work that way forever. For a few months, my new guardians would only come out when dad came into my room. They'd let me come back when it was over, maybe talk to me for a few minutes afterward - mostly guilt trips, very few of them tried to comfort me and I think they're all gone now - and then they'd stop existing until the next time. I liked when it was that way. But soon, they started talking to me even when I felt safe. They were bitter about the whole thing. They got mad at me for only letting them come out when things were awful and then hogging all the good moments, and they'd insist on coming out whenever they felt like it, even when I didn't need them. I recognized some of the voices as characters I came up with, but others, like Svetlana? I don't know where she came from. She's not the only one who came up without me trying, either. So I had all these people, some I didn't even know, yelling at me, and I didn't know what to do... I don't remember deciding to let them come out whenever, they just started doing it. When I was a kid, I didn't know how to even begin controlling them, so they didn't need triggers. If they wanted to come out, they did, and there was nothing I could do about it. I did have a couple of friends then – no one I remember now, just some kids I liked to talk to at lunch or play with on the playground – but once I started switching, it scared them all off. The next few years were some of the worst I can think of. I kept losing hours or days at a time to the thing I thought was supposed to protect me, I had no idea what was going on, I didn't know if anyone else would know, and things at home never got any better... if anything, it got worse. As my mind fell apart, my grades slipped and for the first time, I was getting in trouble with teachers pretty often. That didn't help dad's temper at all..."

Tears began to pool at the corners of Mike's eyes. Zoey had trouble fighting back her own tears, but she felt she had to stay strong for him and refused to do anything that would make him think he needed to comfort her.

"Mike, you don't need to keep talking..." Zoey said. "Not if it's hurting you like this..."

Mike shook his head. "I need to talk about this, you need to know... I was eleven when mom finally called the police on dad. I bet he threatened to hurt her or me if she did that, but I don't actually know, it's the only reason I can think of for her to take so long to do that... I don't know what happened to dad after that. Wherever he is, I hope he rots. We moved to a new town to start over. Mom didn't realize there was something serious going on with me before we left, dad insisted that I was acting out strictly out of rebellion, but once he was gone, I finally opened up to her about the people in my head. At first she didn't believe me and thought it was an attention grab, so I had to deal with it on my own for a few more months. I started learning about triggers then. It wasn't perfect, they still fought their way out without triggers sometimes, and I can't always prevent things like frustration. But it helped. They still screamed at me and made me feel like crap, but at least I could prevent myself from looking like a freak in front of people and I rarely lost days anymore, just hours or even minutes. I was twelve when mom finally took me to see Dr. Freeman. Mom thought she'd say I was lying about hearing voices and not being able to control myself or remember things, but instead, she suspected MPD by the time the first session was over. She worked with me to help me try to control it, she got me started on anxiety medicine so I could go to school without freaking out that someone would realize I was broken, mom remarried and I got along well with my new step-dad, so my home life finally felt normal...everything seemed okay on the outside... but I still never made many friends. I was too scared to. I had a couple of people I'd talk to and I dated a lot, but most of my relationships didn't last very long and they all asked me first, I never asked anyone out. I was pretty much a loner up until I joined _Total Drama _and met you and the others... before then, I can't say I was all that happy. I spent too much time in fear to be happy. I... for a while, I wanted to die. I couldn't deal with being a freak anymore." He gripped Zoey's hands hard enough that his nails dug into her skin.

She gently squeezed back. "It's okay, I'm here... things are better now, right? I mean, I know you still have the others, and I wish so much for your sake that you didn't... but you don't still think about dying, right?"

Mike remained silent.

"...Mike, please answer me... tell me you don't think about that anymore..."

After what felt like an eternity, the floodgates behind Mike's eyes finally opened. He threw his arms around Zoey, buried his face into her shoulders, and sobbed heavily.

"Mike, no!" She held him tight and leaned her head against his. "You don't... you can't think that, please... I can't lose you..."

"It's not... really... me..." Mike choked out. Once the tears began, he found it impossible to stop them and return to the detached manner of speaking he held before. "When I'm Mike... I'm fine... I'm happy now... but there's this... _thing_ in my head... the one whose name... I don't know... the one who keeps... trying to hurt you..." He held her tighter at the thought of something happening to her. His voice slowly returned to normal, but the tears wouldn't stop running down his cheeks. "I've been trying to figure him out... and I think... he's the one with most of the memories from back then... Chester, Vito, Svetlana, all the ones you know, all the ones who haven't talked in years but who I still feel in here, they all remember bits and pieces... a lot of them took over for me at least once when I needed it... but this angry one, I think he has the bulk of the memories... he must have been my decoy most often, and he's... not happy with me... I didn't do it on purpose, I swear, but... he still blames me..." Mike slowly lifted his head and for the first time since they began this talk, he looked Zoey in the eyes. "I'm pretty sure he's the one who keeps attacking you... he still wants to die, but he can't do it for as long as I'm here. And I... I used to try, but ever since I met you, I haven't even considered it... he's tried to make me, but I've always fought my way back. I don't want him hurting me anymore. So... he's been focusing on you. He thinks... if you're gone... whether it's because you break up with me out of fear, or... or something else... I won't want to hang on anymore... and he can finally get what he wants..." Mike moved his hands back to Zoey's. "This is what I'm going through. After all the shit that happened when I was a kid, I'm pretty messed up, I know I am... and I always will be. I'm dangerous. I'm anxious. I'm prone to meltdowns. I'm needy. I need constant reassurance. And I don't think any of this is ever going away, no matter how well I can fake it sometimes." Mike frowned and his eyebrows furrowed. "Can you really put up with that? Everyone else always abandoned me even without knowing all this..."

"Of course I'll stay," Zoey answered. "You're a great guy, and I don't mind being there for you. You make me so happy and I owe you the same." She kept her hold on Mike's hands and rested her head against Mike's chest. "I'll do anything to make you feel better... just tell me. You didn't deserve anything that happened back then, and I want to help you fix it."

"Thank you," he said, then gently kissed the top of her head. "Zoey? I love you..."

"I love you too, Mike," she answered.

"Even when I break?"

"Even then. I'll love you forever. That's never going to change."


	45. Forty-fifth Reason: Home

**Few notes for today - first off, I'm glad that people really seemed to like "Forever"! I was honestly afraid that it was too over the top, but if not, I think I could work with that angle more in the future. I don't know if it was the tone or the length that people liked, but either way, I'll write longer stuff like that at some point in the future.**

**It won't be the near future, though - while writing that was satisfying, like I said, it was draining, again due to both length and tone. I can't churn out super long things like that every day, I'll burn out before long. And since the whole point of this exercise is to make myself write and post something every day, I can't risk burning out. Focusing too hard on topics like child abuse also makes me rightfully ill, so I'd rather not do that every day, either. I'd be reduced to a blubbering mess. I'm using this chapter to try to close that plotline on a less bleak note, then I'm going to get back to slice-of-life dating fluff, which is what I started this series for in the first place. Writing angst is fun, but it kills me!**

**I'll also finally answer the question of "is Mike's evil personality the shadow in episode 9?" My answer is... I don't actually know! That's why I'm not naming him. I want it to be, but I don't want to take the risk and make that definite only for the show to end up contradicting that later. This is why I almost never do fanwork for shows before they end... I do have a name for him in mind in case I can't link him to that shadow, but I'm not going to mention it unless it turns out I have to. That won't be during this series, but in something else later.**

**I think that's it for tonight!**

* * *

**Home**

Worry clouded Zoey's thoughts that morning. Mike fell asleep shortly after their discussion the previous night, but Zoey stayed awake due to a knot in her stomach preventing her from feeling at ease. Even that morning, despite her physical exhaustion, she didn't know when she'd be able to sleep again. Mike's story continued to haunt her, even hours after the fact. She'd seen him during anxious or depressed episodes before, but he never seemed as fragile as he did while detailing the past he'd refused to talk about for so long. She'd certainly never heard him cry the way he did that night, and just the memory of those wretched sounds and the tears running down his face made her feel sick.

Most of all, her concern stemmed from a specific confession he'd made. Sometimes, he truly wished he was dead.

He claimed it wasn't him who wished for death anymore, just some minor alters that rarely spoke and this major one that weighed so heavily on his mind, but in Zoey's mind, it all equaled the same thing; Mike's own hands taking him away from her.

And he was going home today. How was she supposed to know he was all right if she couldn't be by his side?

He seemed fine throughout the day. He ate normally, he joined a nice conversation with her and her parents, and the two of them took a nice walk after lunch. He smiled and laughed and showed no sign that twelve hours ago, he'd cried himself to sleep in her arms. Zoey tried to keep up a façade of happiness for herself, but she couldn't be sure if Mike was faking it, too. And if he _was _feeling miserable, what would he do when he didn't have her as a distraction anymore?

"Hey, Mike?" she asked as he packed his bag that afternoon in preparation to head home.

"Hm?" He didn't look at her, and instead rifled through the pockets of his backpack to make sure he had everything.

"When you get home, could you get online with me?"

"Huh? Sure," he asked, finally looking up. "Any reason? Is there something you need to talk about? I can stay a little longer if you need me to."

"I just wanna know you made it home all right," Zoey asked.

"I always text when I get home, you know that."

"Yeah, but... Mike. I really, really don't want you to be alone tonight," Zoey admitted. "After everything you said last night, I'm too scared."

"Aw, Zoey... I'm fine now, I promise. I got it all off my chest, I cried it out, and now I'm okay. Nothing's gonna happen."

"But what if something does?"

"I promise it won't-"

"What if it _does_?" Zoey repeated. "I know you said _you _won't do anything, but what about the others? What if they try, and I'm not there to help?"

Mike closed his bag, slung it over his shoulders, and then walked over to hug Zoey. "I'm feeling fine now, I swear," he said. "You don't need to worry about me... but I'll come on if you need me. I'll text when I get home, I'll eat dinner, and I'll be online within an hour of the text, all right? You'll see me tonight. Nothing's going to happen to me."

"I'll believe it when I see you again," Zoey said, hugging him back. They stood in a silent embrace for a minute before finally parting. He gave her a final kiss, they exchanged their goodbyes, and he headed off for his journey home.

Zoey wanted to believe he'd be all right. He did seem perfectly okay all day, and he promised her he wouldn't do anything rash. After the bad start their relationship had, he swore he'd never lie to her again, so she felt she had to trust him on this. And besides, he knew his own mind and mood more than anyone would, so he'd be able to tell if things were about to spiral, wouldn't he?

Still, she knew the knot in her stomach wouldn't go away until she saw his smiling face on webcam, as proof that he was doing just fine.


	46. Forty-sixth Reason: Hot

**Hot**

Mike slumped down in the bench and groaned. The summer sun beat mercilessly down on his face. He wondered why he and Zoey bothered coming outside in the first place, before remembering that the heat was even worse back at the house. They couldn't even go swimming at a lake or a pool; everyone else had the same idea hours ago, and now anywhere they could swim was too packed. Mike wished he could just whip off his shirt like all the other guys milling around the strip mall that day, but instead, his swimming tank would have to suffice. Even having that thin bit of fabric sticking to him from the sweat was nearly unbearable, but there was nothing else he could do.

Zoey approached the bench with two frozen coffees in her hand. One was plain with nothing more but the drink, while whipped cream, chocolate shavings, and a cherry topped the other one.

"Here, I got you something," she said, handing Mike the plain drink.

"I wondered what you would be getting from a coffee shop on a day like this," Mike said with a laugh as he took it. "I didn't know they sold these." He took a sip and inwardly winced. On the rare occasions that he drank coffee, usually only when he went to see shows at cafés with Zoey, he went with a plain black coffee with no additions. This drink, however, was instead loaded with sugar and cream, giving it a cloying sweetness that Mike wasn't expecting.

On the other hand, it _was _frozen, something Mike desperately needed, so he continued to drink it and tried to get over the overwhelmingly sweet taste.

The two settled into talking about nothing in particular and watching the people who walked by as they sipped their drinks. Mike briefly considered draping an arm over Zoey's shoulders, but decided against it. It was too damn hot to even touch right now.


	47. Forty-seventh Reason: Cold

**Cold**

The wind howled outside Mike's window, loud enough that the pair had to speak loudly to hear each other. The snow fell heavily, obscuring all view of the outside world. It was Sunday night, the night Zoey usually went home so she could go to school the next morning, but Mike urged her not to drive in those conditions. Her school may have been closed the next morning anyway. Mike's own school had already announced a closing that afternoon. Neither of them knew what the weather was like where Zoey was, but it could very well be just as bad there.

They would have checked, but the snow had knocked out the power hours before. Zoey had enough battery to her cell phone to call her parents when she decided she'd be staying with Mike another night, but her phone had since died and Mike's couldn't get online without an access point, leaving them with no Internet to look up weather or closings on. They said the snow was light when she called, but Zoey decided to assume that it had since picked up so she wouldn't worry about missing classes and needing to catch up.

Zoey shivered and tightened her half of the blanket around herself. No power meant no heat, and no stove to go boil herself some citrus tea, for that matter. Mike had set up some candles on the table to offer some light, but beyond that, all they could do was sit on the couch and wait out the storm. Mike's parents had gone to bed long ago, but Zoey didn't want to go upstairs just yet. Moving to head to bed would have meant leaving the warmth of the blanket and wandering the dark in temperatures so cold, she could see her breath.

One of Mike's arms slowly encircled around Zoey's waist and pulled her closer. "At least I don't have to wait this out alone," he said. "I'm not scared, but it'd be boring without you here."

Zoey wrapped her own arms around him. "I guess I should be grateful to get another night with you," she said. Mike rested his head against hers, and the two smiled. The warmth of the soft blanket was nice, but sharing body heat provided much more comfort than anything else ever could.

They swore they'd go up to bed either when the power came back or once they became too tired to stand it, but they ended up breaking that promise to themselves. Without another word between them, Zoey soon leaned back to lie on the couch, with Mike lying on top of her, his long legs hanging off the armrest. The lights flickered back in the middle of the night once the power returned, but even that wasn't enough to disturb their cozy slumber.


	48. Forty-eighth Reason: Ill

**Ill**

"Zoey? Are you awake? I brought soup..." Mike said quietly as he opened the bedroom door.

"Not hungry," came a quiet voice from within the cocoon of quilt on the bed.

"You need to eat something..." Mike said, setting the soup on the bedside table. "It's been days."

"I wouldn't be able to keep it down anyway," Zoey said. "I feel like I'm gonna die... and that would be MERCIFUL."

"Aw, Zoey... I'm sorry..." Mike said. He sat on the edge of the bed and looked over. Not an inch of her was visible due to the blanket. "I just got over that bug, so I know it's pretty awful. I'm sorry you got it, too." He rested his hand on the lump of blanket, on what he assumed was her shoulder. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Can you get me some water? I think if I sip slowly, I can manage that."

"All right. I'll leave the soup here in case you're up for it later."

"And when you come back, could you stay with me for a while? I'm not up for talking or anything, I just don't wanna be alone."

"Of course I'll stay." He rubbed her shoulder a bit, then headed off to get her drink.

"Thanks, Mike. You're the best."


	49. Forty-ninth Reason: Not the First

**First off, let me clarify a few things.**

**1. "Zoey is ugly" is not a good reason for me to all of a sudden decide to dislike this pairing. (I actually think she's cute, but that's irrelevant.)**

**2. This is never turning into an Anne Maria/Vito fic. Not for a single chapter. I'm sure those exist elsewhere on the site. If you want that pair, look somewhere else.**

**3. This has been a Zoke fic for 48 chapters now why would I suddenly change tracks like that**

**4. Why did you even open a fanfic labeled "Mike & Zoey" and read 46 chapters of it if you feel that strongly against the ship**

**5. And why did you call me "honey"**

**6. Seriously what the hell**

**I can never say my reviewers aren't interesting.**

**But to the readers and reviewers who have been enjoying this, thank you! I love you! I'm glad to know you've stuck with me all this time!**

* * *

** Not the First  
**

"Zoey?" Mike asked as he lied by Zoey's side. "Does it ever bother you that you weren't my first?"

"What are you talking about?" she asked.

"That I had other girlfriends before this," Mike said. "You weren't my first girlfriend, you weren't my first kiss even if you ignore what happened with Anne Maria and Vito... you weren't even the first girl I ever slept with." He ran his hand down Zoey's side and rested it on her waist. "I know a lot of girls find it romantic to be a guy's first something... but for me, you're not."

"It's not like you're pining over an ex, right?" Zoey asked.

"No!" Mike's eyes widened in shock. "Of course not! I wouldn't! I'm happy being with you!"

Zoey giggled and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. "Then I don't care. Those relationships ended for a reason, right? They're in the past. You're with me now." She cuddled up to his chest. "I used to think it'd be nice to be a guy's first love... but that doesn't matter to me anymore. I want to be with you, and I don't even think about the fact that I'm not your first anymore."

Mike relaxed. "If you're sure... I wish I never wasted time on all those girls who abandoned me once they found out what they'd have to deal with to be with me, but I can't really change that."

"It's OK that I'm not your first," Zoey said. "I just want you to promise me one thing."

"Anything for you, Zoey."

"I want to be your last."

Mike smiled. "That, I can definitely do."


	50. Fiftieth Reason: Know Better

**Know Better**

Zoey stormed through the door of their apartment and tossed her purse down on the counter. She refused to look behind her as Mike followed.

"Come on, Zo, you know that wasn't me!" he called after her as he shut the door behind them. "Vito was just... happy to see her again, that's all!"

"Forty-eight other contestants, Mike," Zoey said, seething. "There were forty-eight other contestants at that reunion. And you had to talk to _her_?!"

"I'm not allowed to talk to other people?!"

"Not when they're _her_! You _know _Vito always tries to come out whenever you talk to Anne Maria at these things! You guys aren't even close anyway!"

"I was just trying to be nice, say hi to everyone-"

"Yeah, nice," Zoey scoffed. "I think having a reporter catch the two of you feeling each other up in a closet is a just a bit beyond 'nice'."

"It wasn't the two of _us_, it was her and Vito, I had nothing to do with this-"

Zoey stomped toward their bedroom door, entered the room, and slammed the door shut. Mike tried to follow, but the door had been locked.

"Zoey!" Mike called. "It was just a stupid mistake! You know me better than that! I'd never want anyone else but you! I hate that this happened as much as you do!"

Silence came from inside the room.

"ZOEY!"

Still no response. Mike groaned and went to flop down on the couch. Zoey wasn't normally the type to banish him to sleeping in the living room when she was upset – she wasn't the type to stay upset with him for very long at all – but this time, he'd really gone too far.

"You should know better too, Vito..." Mike grumbled. "Why'd you have to do this in the first place?"

_Hey, either you let me have a crack at Zoey – ugly girl, really, but I'll take what I can get – or you keep her to yourself and I find pleasure elsewhere, _Vito answered inside his head. _I ain't no monk._

"Screw you, Vito."

Vito's only other response for the rest of the night was laughter. Mike failed to see the comedy in the situation.


	51. Fifty-first Reason: Stupid, Stupid

**Stupid, Stupid, Stupid!**

Zoey lied awake in bed, unable to sleep no matter how much she wished she could drift away and forget about the night. The incident weighed too heavy on her mind.

Now that _Total Drama _was over and all the contestants were adults who had moved on with their lives, reunion events had become much less common. It had been over a year since she'd seen some of her old cast mates. While they managed to keep in touch with close friends like Cameron and Sierra, a lot of the others were too busy with their own closest friends or their own personal lives to keep up much contact. Both she and Mike had felt excited about this for months; even if their feelings on the show itself weren't exactly warm, they had still become quite friendly with a lot of the other players and still admired some of the ones who they'd watched before joining. Spending the evening at a reunion event when there hadn't been one since the show went off air sounded like an excellent way to spend an evening.

They didn't even stay an hour.

Mike and Zoey initially parted ways when they got to the event, both to catch up with their own personal friends and to dissuade any present reporters who intended to pry into their relationship rather than ask questions about their creative endeavors. Zoey didn't think much about Mike's whereabouts until she saw Anne Maria and Vito, both with scowls on their faces, being followed by a reporter.

The reporter caught Zoey's eye. He asked if she wanted to see the video he got. He showed her the video before she could even protest.

Anne Maria and her boyfriend – her boyfriend's body and not his mind, but still – in a janitor's closet, kissing and- where the hell were his hands?!

Mike came back after Anne Maria walked away, and the reporter gleefully showed him the video before he could even adjust to being out again. The entire party mood died for the two after that. Zoey stormed out after giving only a terse goodbye to the group she had been speaking with, and Mike followed her out, calling apologies the whole way. She couldn't even bring herself to speak to him on the entire drive home.

Logically, Zoey knew none of this was Mike's fault. It wasn't as if Vito had been triggered; his shirt stayed on the whole time. (A good thing, for the very idea of another girl's hands on Mike's bare chest made Zoey shudder.) How could Mike have known that the very action of greeting Anne Maria could bring Vito out? Even after all these years, neither of them could perfectly predict the actions of the alters. If anything, Anne Maria was the one who should have put a stop to it... but Zoey couldn't blame her, either. It's not like any of them had talked in ages. Everything Anne Maria could possibly know about Mike and Zoey's present life would have to come from the tabloids, which pushed "Have Zoke broken up?!" headlines every other week. Add in the fact that Zoey wasn't by Mike's side, and she probably thought the two had split. It was all a misunderstanding.

If it was anyone's fault, it was Vito's. Zoey wished Vito didn't share Mike's face so she could punch him in it.

This whole argument was stupid, and banishing Mike to the couch was simply petty. Zoey got out of bed and headed for the living room to check on him. He sat in the dark, cocooned in a blanket and staring vacantly at the TV as it played some old sitcom Zoey didn't recognize.

"Mike...?" she called quietly to get his attention. He turned to face her, and the two sat in awkward silence for a moment. Mike was the one to break the silence.

"I'm sorry, Zoey. I was so stupid tonight."

Zoey shook her head. "You weren't... I was. Making a big deal out of something you can't control was the stupid thing about tonight."


	52. Fifty-second Reason: Sorry

**Sorry**

Zoey turned off the TV, switched on the lights, and took at seat at Mike's side. He drew his blanket closer to himself and didn't turn to face her.

"I'm still so embarrassed about tonight..." he said. "The others haven't pulled anything like that in years, no matter how much they beg me to let them. And now the video's probably gonna be all over the Internet by morning."

"Has Vito done that since our relationship started?" she asked. "Besides what happened on our first _Total Drama _season?"

Mike shook his head. "Not since. That wasn't his first time – plenty of girls from school had plenty of... experience with Vito and Manitoba," he said. "Not just kissing, either... and not just when I was single. I had relationships last only days because she couldn't stand the idea of me making out with other girls, even if it wasn't really me."

"It does make me uncomfortable," Zoey admitted. "I mean... I know it's not your fault and that you can't help it... I don't want to hold your disorder against you... but I can't shake the fear that they'll end up taking you away from me. That you, Mike, will decide that kissing some other girl is much better than kissing me and then you'll leave. It doesn't matter how long we're together or how much you swear that won't happen. I'm always gonna be afraid of it. The fear isn't so bad normally... but when I see you with another girl like that... it hurts. It doesn't matter if it's not your mind in control, whenever I see your body, all I can think is that it's you. I don't want Vito to have free rein."

"I don't either," Mike said. "He's been asking for years for me to let him out every once in a while to go flirt, but I'd never let him do that. I want to stay loyal to you, Zoey. The idea of them using my body for personal stuff like that grosses me out." He finally turned to face her. "I'm so, so sorry about tonight. Maybe there was something I could have done to keep control, or maybe I should have been able to tell I was about to switch and walked away. This never would have happened if I didn't let my guard down."

"It's Vito's stupid fault, not yours," Zoey said. "You promise you'll be more careful in the future?"

"I promise."

"Then that's all you can do. I'm sorry I freaked out at you like that. I don't think I'll ever be used to this thing, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't try to understand and be patient."

"I still feel like I should apologize," Mike said. "How can I make it up to you?"

Zoey smiled and stood up. "For starters, don't sleep out here on the couch. It's not good for you. I'm going back to bed, so come with me."

Mike smiled, stood, and hugged her from behind. "How about I show you how sorry I am once we get there?"

She turned her head and briefly kissed his lips. "Sounds good. I can't wait to see what you have in mind..."


	53. Fifty-third Reason: Change

**Goodness, sorry this was so late! I had a busy day this week and it's knocked my writing schedule out of whack. Add in the fact that it took me forever to get something for this prompt that I didn't hate, and I was afraid I'd have to skip a day! But I got something, at least. My updates may be at more reasonable hours of the day now rather than the crack of midnight due to the shift my schedule has taken, but even if I have to post about twelve hours later than normal, I swear, I'm still going to do my best to post one a day!**

* * *

**Change**

Mike and Zoey sat in their favorite picnicking spot, eating sandwiches and talking about how things had been since they saw each other last. Since the weather had been in a state where it's warm, but not unbearably hot, the two had taken to enjoying a simple dinner in the park on the first night of their visits to each other instead of putting out money they barely had to go to restaurants.

Mike frowned and swatted his hand down next to him. "Stupid ants," he said. "That's one thing I don't like about eating out here."

"They are pretty annoying," Zoey said as she flicked one off of her knee. She moved her attention from Mike for a moment to take another bite of her sandwich, only to hear him swatting wildly at the ground.

"Confounded bugs!" he shouted. Zoey looked over, her food still in her mouth. Judging by how he hunched over and the cranky tone his voice had taken, Chester must have come out. "What good are they?! Just crawlin' around, taking crumbs... mooches, that's all they are!"

"Mike," Zoey said sharply.

With a sharp gasp, Mike sat up again. "Huh? Zoey, did I...?"

"Chester," she answered.

"Oh." Mike scratched at the back of his neck. "I'm sorry, I know you don't want to talk to him... it's just these bugs- BUGS!" He hunched over again. "I hate bugs! Stupid nature lovers, insisting we leave bugs alive so we don't hurt their feelings!" he ranted as he resumed smacking the ground. "Should lock the whiny little punks in a room with some bugs! See how they feel then!"

"_Mike_," Zoey repeated, a bit harsher this time.

Another gasp, and Mike was upright once more. "Wow... Chester's really not in a good mood today, is he."

"When is he ever?" Zoey asked.

Mike gave a quick laugh. "True, but at least usually he keeps his grumbling inside my head. I think he really hates bugs. You should have heard him freak out when he heard I was gonna spend last summer camping."

"Maybe you should take your mind off the bugs," Zoey said. "I know they're annoying, but he comes out every time you acknowledge them."

"Sorry about that," Mike apologized. "I'll try to keep him in."

The conversation changed to all the stupid things Chester could find to be frustrated by. While neither of the pair liked to think about Mike's disorder, ignoring it didn't help anything, and sometimes, Mike found he needed to laugh about some of the ridiculous things it made him do to prevent himself from getting too irritated by it. Zoey encouraged this talk; she'd do anything to show Mike she wasn't ashamed or afraid of him and that he didn't need to feel uncomfortable talking about something that was unpleasant, but a part of his life.

No matter what happened in their lives, the one thing that would never change was that Mike always _would_ change. With no way to avoid that, all the pair could do was make the best of it.


	54. Fifty-fourth Reason: Let Go

**Let Go**

Zoey sat at the kitchen table, reading a college textbook and taking down notes. The clock on the wall chimed to indicate that ten o'clock in the morning had passed. She'd been awake for hours now, since before sunrise, but Mike remained asleep. While she usually awoke before him, he normally didn't sleep in this late. Still, he seemed peaceful when she left the room and she hadn't heard any strange sounds coming from the room, so she figured he was doing all right. She'd rush to his side if something didn't sound right, but for now, she'd let him sleep.

Shortly after the clock's chime, Mike came shuffling out of the bedroom. He still wore his pajamas and his hair was an even wilder mess than normal, as if he hadn't even attempted to flatten it yet. He walked with the slow and unsteady steps of a zombie, not having fully woken up yet.

"Good morning!" Zoey greeted happily.

"Morn..." he mumbled, exhaustion in his voice. He staggered his way to the coffee pot and poured himself a mug.

"I made that hours ago," Zoey said. "You might wanna make a new pot."

"Hm." Zoey's words didn't seem to penetrate Mike's brain fog. He sat across from her at the table and gulped down half the mug of coffee at once, oblivious to the stale taste and lukewarm temperature.

"Are you all right?" Zoey asked, closing her homework.

"Couldn't sleep," Mike mumbled. "Been having nightmares again."

"I'm sorry..." Zoey switched seats so she could be next to Mike. She tried to place her hand on his shoulder, but he jolted and pushed it away.

"I don't wanna be touched right now," he said. "The nightmares have been about... well, you know. Stuff that happened before."

Zoey quickly withdrew her hand. This wasn't the first time she'd heard this. While he usually appreciated physical affection when he was dealing with those old memories, on rare occasions, the slightest touch could set them off. "Do you need to talk?"

Mike nodded. "There is one thing about them that bugs me... I don't remember last night's nightmares ever happening to me." He seemed to gradually wake up as he spoke. Zoey wasn't sure if it was from the adrenaline rush of almost being touched, or if that nasty coffee was already taking its effect. "Sure, I remember stuff like it, but not this exact thing. But the whole thing was so vivid... it was like being that scared, lost little kid again. I don't know if my mind is making stuff up... or if I'm starting to remember the stuff the alters took. And if I really am remembering old stuff... man, no wonder I broke all those years ago. I'm an adult and I can't handle thinking about it. How was I supposed to go through it as a kid? I know I hate having alters, but they're probably the only reason I'm functioning at all..."

Zoey had no idea what to say. Every instinct told her to hold him close in case he started to cry again, but she knew touching him would only make things worse. "Have you told the doctors about this?"

Mike shook his head. "I keep managing to get it off my mind by the time I see them again... I have an appointment tonight, so I'll try to remember then." He finished draining the coffee from the mug, this time cringing as he removed it from his lips. "Ugh, that's awful!" He set the mug back on the table and smacked his lips, trying to get the taste out of his mouth. "I'll make a fresh pot after I get a shower. After that, you wanna go do something? I need to get out of this apartment."

"A break from homework does sound good," Zoey said. "Are you sure you'll be all right, though?"

"I'll have to be," Mike said with a shrug. "The nightmares suck, but I have to deal with them, don't I? I can't just give up whenever I'm not feeling good, or I'd never be able to do anything. Someday I'll need to learn to let go and forget about everything that happened. It happened years ago. It _ended _years ago."

"Just don't push yourself too hard," Zoey said. "It's not weak to take a break if you need one."

"Got it." Mike leaned in to kiss Zoey on the cheek; in his current state, he could handle touching if he was the one in control of it; then headed off to get ready for the day.


	55. Fifty-fifth Reason: Sensual

**Holy CRAP this is late I'm so sorry**

**I'm also kinda sorry for the content of this chapter. The prompt I was given was "sensual", and there's not much I can do with that without... well, I'm pushing the T rating again. Sorry, and I understand if you'd rather come back tomorrow.**

* * *

**Sensual**

Zoey loved the sounds Mike made as she dragged her fingertips down his chest.

It was rare that she could see him like this. Often, when they were intimate, Mike refused to remove his shirt for fear that he'd switch, even for a moment, and ruin the mood. It had happened before, after all. So whenever he felt strong enough to remove it in her presence, she savored every second of it. The soft moans he made when she touched his chest. The subtle taste when she kissed it. The feeling of her bare skin on his when he held her close.

She kissed his lips and ran her fingers down his bare sides, not using her tongue or even opening her mouth that much. His own hands slowly caressed her head and neck, combing through her hair, not enough to pull, only enough to relax. After he made another gentle groan against her mouth, she pressed a little harder, but otherwise didn't change her mouth's position. This was no wild make out, just a tender, loving kiss for the sake of feeling the way it moved when she pleased him.

Slow and sensual. That's what tonight was for. She felt no need to rush. She wanted to savor every touch, every kiss, every moan, until all her senses burned and begged for more. Then she'd escalate just enough to satisfy that burning, only to savor once more, never moving on when there was still more to do.

Mike wasn't teased; he knew where he wanted the night to lead in the end, but he'd enjoy the journey as long as possible. He didn't just love her body, he loved _her, a_nd he'd give anything to make the affection she currently showed him last forever. No other girl could do anything to make him need her as much as Zoey could simply by slowly running her tongue against his mouth and pressing her palms against his stomach.

They'd make it there eventually. But for now, they both enjoyed the slow, sensual ride and felt no desire to end it any time soon.


	56. Fifty-sixth Reason: Everyday

**Everyday**

The days had turned into a rut.

Every day was the same. Mike and Zoey would awaken at the same time, with Mike much less ready to do so than Zoey was. The two would share a pot of coffee together, barely speaking due to their exhaustion. They'd then get ready for their respective days, unable to speak much while busy. Zoey would head off to her college classes, while Mike would go to whatever part-time position he was filling for that part of the year, mostly cashier jobs in fast food restaurants and grocery stores.

Even after Zoey's classes and Mike's work had ended, there was still no time left for the two to connect. She had mounds of homework to finish after arriving home, and even if she had a break from homework, she still had clothing commissions to work on. Mike spent his evenings working toward a career he wanted much more than menial service jobs; he'd attend every audition for independent stage shows or films he could, and when he got the role, most of the time went toward practice and filming. This is why he worked the menial jobs he so loathed. They both needed the money, but he needed the hours free to work for his acting career. Neither his cashier jobs or Zoey's commissions would have been able to support them on their own, but with Mike's steady pay and Zoey's occasional lump sum, they had enough to get by. Unfortunately, with everything going on in their personal lives, they barely had enough time to connect anymore.

Zoey sat in their bedroom, sewing the skirt of a costume someone had ordered from her. Her eyes felt heavy from hours of sitting through classes and researching in the library, but she'd promised to have this finished by the end of the month, and getting the payment by then would be a blessing. The pair weren't starving, but after paying for necessities, they didn't have much to work with. The cash from _Total Drama _mostly dried up after the show ended. Other than the occasional "where are they now" special, they didn't get paid much for what they did all those years ago. Zoey laughed inwardly at all of her peers who spoke as if her life would be smooth and she'd never have to work a day. She wondered what they'd say if they saw her hunched over her sewing machine at midnight, cursing at the hobby that once brought her so much joy and wishing she could crawl into bed and sleep the rest of the month away. At least in that moment, she was in a better state than the occasional day she spent crying because she felt she'd lost control of her life somewhere. She knew Mike felt the same, since she'd soothed him out of his own breakdowns after one too many failed auditions.

The bedroom door creaked open as Mike stumbled in, holding a script in his hand. He dropped it on the desk where Zoey worked, then collapsed face first on the bed without even bothering to change his clothes.

Zoey decided the skirt could wait a few minutes and went to sit next to Mike. She rubbed his back, but didn't get more of a response than a groan.

"How'd the audition go?" she asked.

"I have no idea," Mike answered, his voice muffled by the pillow. He turned his head so he could speak more clearly. "I feel like I bombed it. I've been so drained this week, I probably forgot how to show emotions."

"I'm sure you did fine," Zoey answered. "You've been afraid that you failed and gotten the part before."

"Yeah, maybe," he answered. "At least I didn't switch this time. I let them get whatever they needed out before I went in. I've been too tired to fight them back otherwise."

"I hope you got it," Zoey said, still running her hand over his back. Mike closed his eyes as she touched him.

"Mike? You still awake?" she asked.

"Hm..."

"Can you stay up longer? I really miss you," she said. "I know all this will be worth it someday... I'll be an elementary teacher, you'll be a famous enough actor that you won't need the part-time work anymore, and we'll have more time... but I barely see you anymore, and I hate it..."

"I hate it, too," he said, reaching one hand out and resting it on her knee. "But I can't remember the last time I wasn't exhausted. I don't think I can do anything tonight."

"I can't either," Zoey said. "Getting up and coming over here was enough. I can't even stand again."

"Then just lay with me?"

Zoey nodded, lied down next to Mike, and pulled the blanket over them both. The skirt could wait until morning. Neither of them could remember the last time they lied together like this, instead of one staggering into the room late, long past the other had fallen asleep. There wasn't much more movement than the occasional smile, petting of hair, or stroking of skin, but it felt like much more than they had experienced together in a long time.

It would all be worth it someday. For now, all they could do is muddle through the everyday slog and help each other survive the stress with what little strength they had left.


	57. Fifty-seventh Reason: Yes

**Yes**

"Do you need to say 'yes' to everything?"

The question sounded sarcastic, but Mike was honestly curious about this. He had a rare day off where he didn't have work and there was nothing for him going on at the local theater, and he'd hoped to spend it with Zoey, but she was still working on yet another commission. Instead, he sat in bed and talked with her as she worked. He swore to himself he wouldn't study scripts or do any research online today. He may have been determined to make this work and get his name out in any way possible, but it wasn't worth neglecting her anymore than he already had.

"You mean the commissions?" she asked, not looking up from her work.

"Yeah," Mike said. "Could you close them for a bit? We could afford it for a little while, and you look like you need a break. Every time I see you, you're doing homework, sewing, or sleeping."

"Like you see me much anyway, you're never home anymore..."

"I'm not trying to pick a fight, I just want to know if you could take a break. Or even turn down complicated orders for a while. I could slow down, too... we've been working ourselves to death."

"If I'm gonna be a teacher or a seamstress, I need to work as hard as I can-"

"I don't want to see you burn out. Are you even going to like sewing anymore if you keep it up like this?"

Zoey stopped moving her hands and stared at the fabric she'd been working on. It wasn't her best work. She'd been so focused on pumping out pieces and filling orders that she'd stopped putting in her usual care and effort. This wasn't even fun.

"This order's not due for a few weeks, I guess I could take a day or two off... maybe get some housework done-"

"No." Mike stood up and hugged Zoey from behind. "Don't work today. Please rest. That's the only thing I want you saying yes to. I'll take care of stuff today. You worry about you."

Zoey smiled for one of the first times in weeks. "Okay, but I want you resting with me later. No auditions today."

"Yes," Mike answered. "Yes, I'll stay home today." He kissed the back of her head. "You get some sleep, I'll go take care of things, then we can catch up later. Today, I don't wanna agree to do anything for anyone but you or me."


	58. Fifty-eighth Reason: No

**No**

_Where are you going this early? _Vito asked inside Mike's head as Mike got ready for the day. _It's summer and you don't got work or a meeting with the shrink. What happened to you being lazy on summer days?_

"I'm meeting Zoey somewhere," Mike answered.

_Where are ya takin' the ball and chain in that scruffy t-shirt? I thought she was one of those classy chicks who liked theater and fancy restaurants and shit._

"We're going to an amusement park." Mike didn't even bother to argue about Vito's current nickname for Zoey. They'd had arguments about Vito's dislike of Mike's commitment before, and they never accomplished anything but bringing them both in circles and making Mike angry.

_An amusement park? What are you, twelve?!_

Mike stopped engaging him. Vito was clearly in a nasty mood today, and he wasn't going to like anything Mike had to say no matter what. He looked in his bedroom mirror and ran his hand through his hair to get the messy-on-purpose look he normally went with. After he felt satisfied with the minimal work, he grabbed the bag off his bed to bring it to the kitchen, pack lunch, and make sure he had everything else they'd need.

_So, you plannin' on goin' back to her place tonight?_

"I don't know yet. I might go there, she might come here. Does it matter to you?"

_I was just thinkin', if you're comin' back home and you don't have her tied to your ankle, there's this club I wanna-_

"No." Mike didn't even pay attention to the rest of his sentence. "Even if I come home alone, I'm not going clubbing."

_But Anne Maria might be there-_

"No! How do you even know that?!"

_Been talkin' to her on the phone and online whenever I can get out. I bet Zoey would love to know some of the stuff we've tal-_

"Ugh! No! Don't do that!" Mike snapped at him. "I'm gonna pretend you didn't even say that... don't talk to her anymore. Zoey would be pissed if she knew."

_Jealous bitch._

"How am I supposed to get into a club, anyway? I'm seventeen."

_Just wave your name around, I'm sure someone will recognize you and 'accidentally' forget to check your ID. It's what Anne Maria does. Then you can go to sleep and let me front once you're in._

"I'm not sneaking into a club so you can make me cheat on my girlfriend," Mike said.

_You're not very grateful._

Vito had tried many times to guilt Mike into giving up control, but as time went on, it worked less and less. After confirming he'd packed everything he wanted to bring, he closed the bag, grabbed his keys, and headed out the door with them both in tow. Learning to say 'no' to Vito's demands was one of the more freeing things Mike had ever learned to do.


	59. Fifty-ninth Reason: Come Here

**Come Here**

Zoey looked toward her front door, anxiously waiting for a hit of the knocker or a ring of the doorbell.

A sound never came.

Where was Mike? This week was his turn to come visit. She'd talked to him that afternoon and he said he'd drive right out after his doctor appointment. He was supposed to be there hours ago. What had happened?

She looked down at her cell phone and scrolled through the call history. She'd tried calling him at least ten times in the past hour, including leaving some increasingly hysterical voice mails, but so far, she'd received no response. He wasn't the type to blow her off for no reason, so all she could think was that something awful had happened. Did he ever start driving out? Did he even make it to his appointment?

Would she ever see him again?

She moved her hand to redial Mike's number once more, but before she had a chance, the speakers on her phone sprung to life. Her heart swelled as his ringtone blared and his photo appeared on her phone's screen. The phone barely had time to display "call from Mike" before Zoey tapped the answer button and whipped the phone to her ear.

"Mike?!" she cried into the phone, unable to speak any more calmly than that. "Where are you?!"

"Just woke up." His words came slowly, interspersed with heavy breaths. Zoey had a feeling that by 'woke up', he didn't mean from a nap. "I blacked out during my appointment, I don't even remember coming home..."

"Do you know who it was?" Zoey asked.

"No," Mike answered. "I don't know if whoever it was did anything, either... I'm still not fully here. Talking and moving are still hard. I'm sorry, but... I don't think I can drive like this... assuming my car's not still at the psychiatrist's office anyway... I'll try to come out next week..."

"Should I let you go?" Zoey said. "I just wanted to know you were okay..."

"I was hoping you could stay on the phone. I don't know what I can talk about, but I don't want to be alone."

"Just tell me if there's anything I can do."

The call fell into an almost silence, filled only by Mike's occasional struggle for breath. He mumbled something she couldn't understand.

"What was that?"

"Come here?" His speech had grown even slower and fainter. She could only understand pieces of what he said. "Don't... alone... it's late... but... can..." He trailed off into another gasp.

"Mike?!"

"It's me, I'm here, it's me... please come... if you can..." The line went dead.

Zoey immediately sprung up to find her parents and ask if she could- no, tell them she _was _driving out to Mike's. It was already late and it would likely be past midnight by the time she made it out there, but she couldn't just sit here while her boyfriend was going through who knows what. They seemed equally worried when he never appeared that night, so surely they'd understand.


	60. Sixtieth Reason: Please

**Please**

Mike gave her a spare key to his house months ago. Zoey wasn't sure when she'd need it at the time, but tonight, it was a godsend. She needed to get into that house as soon as possible, and she didn't want to wake his parents or even wait for them to come to the door if she didn't have to. Her panicked brain told her to rush inside and up the stairs without regard for things like locking the door behind her or trying to keep quiet in case people were asleep, but thankfully, she managed to keep enough composure to go up as if this was a regular visit.

A regular visit. Nothing strange about coming in here without him at 12:30 in the morning. It's not like he was upstairs having a mental breakdown or anything. No need to panic...

Zoey quietly opened the door to his bedroom. He sat curled into a ball, gripping his knees, the way he usually did when his mind wasn't feeling right. His cellphone sat in the middle of the floor as if he'd dropped it. He didn't turn his head or do anything else to acknowledge her.

"Mike?" she whispered.

"Come in." He still spoke faintly like he did on the phone earlier. Zoey closed and locked his door, then sat next to him. He straightened out his legs and moved his feet from the bed to the floor, his movements slow and stiff, as if even that bit of effort was almost unobtainable.

"I don't have full control yet," Mike said. "Everything's weird and foggy... it's hard to remember things, even stuff like how to talk..." He gasped, leading Zoey to squeeze his shoulder and murmur his name.

"...yeah, I'm here. Still Mike." He exhaled heavily. "I remember you, though... I mean, I remember everything if I try hard enough, but with you I don't need to try... that's why I asked you to come... I needed something familiar..." He wrapped his arm around her waist and rested his hand on her hip. "I'm so sorry I'm always doing this..."

"Don't apologize," she told him as she leaned against him. "Do whatever you need to get better." She took the opportunity to quickly scan her eyes over the arm that wasn't behind her. A weight lifted from her heart when she couldn't find any scratches or bruises. One of her biggest fears when Mike couldn't be contacted was that a violent alter had appeared and taken their rage out on him.

"I'm scared..." he admitted. "It always feels wrong when I can't think straight... a lot of them are strong now and they won't shut up, it's so weird having to fight through them to control myself... I'm scared and I hate it and I don't want to be alone..."

Zoey ran her hand from his shoulder to his back and began rubbing it.

"You don't have to do this..." Mike said. "I know I'm too much to handle... I'm so happy you came, but... if you ever wanted to walk out on this... I wouldn't blame you. I have no idea how I'm worth all the trouble I put you through."

"Mike, stop, we've talked about this before..."

"It'd be kinder if I let you go."

Zoey loathed when he spoke like this, but now was far from a good time to lecture him. She needed to remind herself that nothing he said when he was like this should be taken seriously and that he'd regret it in the morning.

The reminders never made his suggestions that she would ever abandon him any easier to stomach.

"Do you want me to go?"

"No!" Mike's eyes widened and his whole body went rigid. He stared into her eyes. "I'd never want you to leave! But..." His body language wilted. "But I don't want to guilt you into staying, either..."

"Tell me what you want from me. Don't try to guess what I'd want, tell me what _you _want."

"I want you to stay with me. Not just tonight, but always. I need you to always be here to comfort me... I know I'm needy and difficult... but I'll do anything to make it up to you, I promise, just say the word and I'll do anything... as long as you stay..." His hand gripped her waist as he rested his head against her shoulder. She couldn't see his face, but she could hear the tears in his voice. "Please, please stay... I love you so much... I couldn't handle losing you... it's not just about you comforting me, I want to make you happy, too... if I drive you away... it'll mean I failed..."

Zoey wrapped her arms around him. "I'm not leaving you. You're the most awesome guy I've ever known, I have so many good memories with you, you're so amazing to me... trust me, you're worth it." She kissed the top of his head and laid him down on the bed. "Do you think you'll be better if you rest?"

"Yeah, I think so. I couldn't sleep earlier because I was too anxious, but maybe I'll be all right if you stay in here."

She draped the blanket around them both. "Then get some sleep."

"I'll make it up to you in the morning, I swear," he said. "We can go out and do something. Anything you want. Or we can stay in, if you'd rather do that. Just tell me in the morning and I'll do it. You deserve everything for coming out here for me..."

"I only want you to do one thing for me tonight. Please get better."

Mike smiled for the first time that night. "I'll try my best." He cuddled up to Zoey and rested her head on his chest. The change was subtle enough that most may not have realized it, but she noticed that he moved much easier now.

He always said she calmed him, but this was the first time she'd recognized evidence of that.

She held him closer as they both drifted off to sleep. "Please get better," she whispered.


	61. Sixty-first Reason: For You

**We're more than 3/5ths of the way there! Thanks for sticking with me so long!**

**Sorry chapter updates have been so late recently. Not only have I been trying to sleep better, but I'm also working on another project along with this. It's in the same vein as "Only When I Lose Myself", so I don't know how much of my audience here will go for it, but I'm writing it regardless. So I'm balancing two projects at once here. But don't worry, this fic will keep its once-a-day schedule until the end for as long as I can help it!**

* * *

**For You**

Zoey reached toward Mike's side of the bed, only to find no one there. Her brain flew into a panic before she even had time to think about it rationally. He never woke up before her. Was there a reason? Was he okay?

"Zoey? Are you awake?"

She heard his voice calling up the stairs. Around the same time, she noticed the time on his clock. 9:03. She slept that late?

"Yeah, I'm up! I'll be right there!" she called back. Her overnight bag still sat in the car, forgotten in the previous night's panic, so she headed downstairs still wearing her day clothes from yesterday. She found Mike sitting in the kitchen, smiling and holding a cup of coffee. A vase of white daisies sat on the table. She didn't remember seeing those last night, though it was possible she missed them due to having other things to worry about.

"Here, I got this for you," Mike said, handing her the cup. "The flowers, too. Mom took me to get my car, and I decided I'd pick up some things while I was out. You know, to say thank you for last night. I just got back."

"You didn't have to. I wanted to come out and help." She took a sip of the coffee, letting the taste and texture of the mocha espresso flow over her tongue. "I appreciate it, but I don't want you feeling like you owe me anything..."

"But I like buying you presents," Mike said. "You went out of your way for me, so I like doing it for you, too."

Zoey smiled and took another sip of her drink. "Thanks," she said, sitting across from him. "This is really good, and the flowers are nice. I could make some good hair clips with these."

"So, what do you wanna do today? It's your choice. I'll take you anywhere you want."

"You don't have to-"

"Please let me, Zoey. Is there anywhere you want to go? Anywhere in the area you've been curious about?"

She racked her brain, thinking of places she'd driven past but never had an opportunity to visit. "There's this record shop that looks interesting. Tommy's Tunes? I think it's on Spruce?"

"Yeah, I know that place," Mike said. "Never gone in there, though."

"Could we check it out? There's a few CDs I'm having trouble finding, and I wonder if he has copies. I know CD stores aren't really your thing, but..."

"Hey, don't worry about it! If that's where you wanna go, we'll go there. We can still talk while you look, right?"

"Of course we can."

"Then I don't mind. As long as we get to spend the day together, I don't care what we do. I know a good pizza place down there, too, so we can stop for lunch."

Zoey smiled. "Promise to let me pay half? You've paid for a lot today and the day's barely started yet."

Mike laughed. "Fine. Like I said, we'll do whatever you want. Today is for you."


	62. Sixty-second Reason: Hold

**Hold**

Mike always felt a need to show and receive affection on a physical level. He realized that the very first time he had a girlfriend, at a time in his youth where even hugging could be seen as scandalous. The touch of someone he cared deeply about did more to calm him and make him feel needed than almost anything else he could imagine. His need for physical affection wasn't entirely related to the raging hormones of your average teenage male; that did tie into his need for affection sometimes, but it wasn't always in the front of his mind. Instead, he needed the reminder that someone cared about him. Someone wanted to be close to him. Being held could communicate the idea of 'it's okay, I'm here and everything will be all right' when his thoughts were too muddled for words to penetrate the fog.

He didn't mean to make the fact so obvious from the day he met Zoey, but it happened unconsciously. Even before they decided to become a couple, without his thinking about it, his hand always found its way to hers. He'd hold on to her a few seconds longer than he had to when he pulled her away from danger. His arm would curl around her shoulders or waist when he had opportunity to stand close enough.

He loved reminding himself that she was there. There was a girl out there who wanted physical contact with him. There was a girl who accepted his disorder after so many others had shunned or exploited it.

He'd regularly ask Zoey if she minded how he drifted toward her without thinking, and she'd always answer the same. She loved it when he held her. His willingness to be affectionate with her even where others could see, instead of playing it cool and distant for the sake of reputation, was one of the things that drew her toward him from the start.

So without fail, whenever they went out to socialize with others, he'd close his hands around her smaller ones, play with her hair, or find some other way to physically interact with her without getting too personal or distracted, even as he talked to others.

Some found it cute. Some rolled their eyes. Some made jokes. Some commented that it seemed a bit possessive.

But she always loved it when he held her, no matter the circumstance, so nothing could make him stop fulfilling the craving for her touch.


	63. Sixty-third Reason: Honor

**It took me forever to even get an idea for this prompt, and even what I did come up with feels like such a stretch... I don't know, maybe I'm burning out... is anyone still reading this?**

* * *

**Honor**

"Zoey? Do you trust me?"

Mike typed the message to Zoey, then switched back to his Internet browser. Articles about couples from the show always ran at their peak at the mid-point between seasons, when analysis of the last season had been done to death but the next season was too far for people to make predictions, and Mike and Zoey were never left out of the articles. It was usually all the same nonsense, either lauding their relationship as the most romantic, perfect thing ever televised or vilifying Mike as an unstable, abusive monster, but a new topic would still occasionally pop up. Today's new topic had put fears in Mike's had that he never considered before.

Mike brought up Zoey's messenger window once it beeped. "Of course I trust you. Why wouldn't I?"

After a few seconds, a new message appeared. "Did something happen?"

"I just found this article," Mike replied, including a link in the message. "It's about how most of the couples that have gotten together on the show are long distance. There's a paragraph focused on us in there."

Mike read over the paragraph again while he waited for Zoey to finish. The tone of the article attacked the general concept of long distance relationships, even between people who had already met face to face. After all, if they couldn't see each other on a daily basis, how could they keep the relationship strong or make sure the other wasn't cheating?

Their paragraph of the article argued that Mike specifically couldn't be trusted. He was willing to cheat right in front of Zoey's face, so surely he'd take advantage of her not being there. Any indication that the article understood the full story between him and Anne Maria remained absent.

"So they think I shouldn't trust you," Zoey typed.

"Do you?" Mike asked.

It took Zoey a full minute to start typing again. Mike's heart sank with every second that passed without her sending a new message.

"I trust you," she finally replied, but before Mike could relax, she added another message. "It's Vito I don't trust. Has he tried anything when I'm not around?"

Mike typed out that he didn't know, but then deleted the message and replaced it with something more confident. "He hasn't. If he did, I'd have confused girls calling me and asking me why I can't put him on. I haven't heard anything, so he can't have anyone on the side." That much was true. Before he started seeing Zoey, Vito spent a lot of time picking up girls and giving them Mike's cell number. Mike could never figure out how to explain why he had Vito's phone and couldn't hand it over. He wasn't about to explain his disorder to total strangers.

"I always thought I'd never be able to have a long distance relationship," Zoey said. "I figured I'd be too anxious about them getting bored with a relationship that's mostly social and they'd get out their physical needs somewhere else. I've known you long enough to know you wouldn't do that... but how do I know you have Vito under control?"

"I do, I swear," Mike said. "Recently, he's only been able to come out when I'm topless. That's not something that happens when I'm out in public, and it's not like I've got girls hanging around my house."

Zoey stayed silent a bit longer before replying. "Do you trust me, Mike?"

"I have no reason not to," Mike said. "You're not that kind of girl."

"This writer is right, though, it'd be so easy to get away with..."

"That's why we need to trust each other. What's it called when you trust without proof? The honor system?" Mike asked.

"That sounds right," Zoey said. "I don't just want to trust that you won't betray me, I want to trust that you wouldn't even consider it."

"Why would I consider it? Any other girl would be a downgrade," Mike sent, along with a smiling emoticon in the hopes of lightening the conversation.

Zoey sent back the same emoticon. "I know you wouldn't want to cheat on me, and that if Vito did something, you wouldn't lie to me about it. I'll never be able to prove it if you lie... but I believe you wouldn't, so there's no point in me worrying about it. This article is garbage, just like everything else that gets posted about us."


	64. Sixty-fourth Reason: With Child

**Another reminder that I am not choosing the names for these chapters! I'm working off a prompt list! "Trust" would have worked a lot better for the last chapter than "Honor", but "Honor" was my prompt and I couldn't think of anything else beyond the honor system. I do need to make stretches sometimes.**

**For the person who suggested some prompts - I already did "Flowers" back in chapter 18, while "Serious" and "Acceptance" aren't on the list. To keep the name true, I'm not expanding the prompt list - 100 chapters, then it's getting marked complete. Maybe I'll take requests later and turn them into a new fic. Who knows. But it's not happening before this is done.**

**AND I AM NOT THE ONE TITLING THESE, I'VE PROBABLY HAD THIS PROMPT LIST SINCE BEFORE THE SHOW EVEN AIRED.**

**Ahem. Moving on... yeah, this is late... ugh, I'm running out of steam... sorry this message isn't friendlier. XD;; Maybe tomorrow!**

* * *

**With Child**

Mike sat and waited for Zoey to come out of the bathroom. How could this have happened?

They were careful. They used protection. They checked the dates. They followed all the instructions.

And the damn condom still broke.

What was she going to do if their fear came true? She still had to finish high school, and he couldn't always be there to help. He wasn't sure if he'd ever be able to handle kids, even if they had managed their own independence. What use would he be at a time like this?

Zoey came down the stairs, shaking and stepping unevenly. She plopped down next to Mike and exhaled heavily.

"Negative," she said. "Thank god." She still held her face in her hands and hunched over. "Thank god..."

Mike wrapped his arm around her, his instinctive move whenever she seemed upset. "So we don't have anything to worry about?"

"I'm still a little freaked..." Zoey said. "I can't help but think... what if it was positive? What would I have done? I do want kids... but not now."

"We would have managed something..." Mike said, with no confidence at all to his voice.

"I hate saying this, but... after this scare... I don't think I want to risk it anymore," Zoey said.

Mike's mind immediately began to protest. Losing out on Zoey's intimate touch, especially after the two had become so comfortable with that part of their relationship, sounded like the worst sort of hell. It was one accident. Accidents like this almost never happened. Nothing even came of it. What were the odds it would happen again?

But once he remembered the terrified look on her face that night when they realized what happened, he couldn't bear the idea of ever putting her through this again. His opinion didn't matter much here.

"If you don't wanna do it anymore, we don't have to," Mike said. "I don't mind."

"You don't need to lie about it to make me feel better."

"OK... fine. Fine, I'd mind a little. But who cares if I mind, right? You have a lot more to worry about than I do."

"So, if we stop for a few months, or longer, until I'm not nervous anymore...?"

"I'll live." Mike leaned over and kissed her forehead. "Do what you need to do to relax. That's what you're always telling me."

"Can you imagine us with a child?" Zoey asked. "Not now, but in a few years... I really do want kids when we're ready. How do you feel about that?"

Nightmarish thoughts flashed through Mike's brain. What if his anxiety turned him into an absent father? What if his alters turned him into a man like _his_ father? What if any children he had hated and feared him just as much as he hated and feared his own? If his mental issues got in the way, he'd deserve it...

"Can we talk about that when the time comes?" Mike asked. "I'd rather think about something else right now."

He couldn't bring himself to crush Zoey's dream of a family. It meant so much to her. Maybe he'd change his mind and become more comfortable with the idea when the time came.

Mike really, truly hoped he would.


	65. Sixty-fifth Reason: Don't Talk About It

**Confession - I wrote this prompt MONTHS ago, before I started posting these. I don't know if I like it or not, but any ideas for a redo I could come up with seemed too similar to things I've already written. The writing/concept quality may be a little weak because I didn't have as much practice as I do now when I wrote it. Or maybe I'm just in one of those moods where I'm constantly apologizing for everything even when I don't have to! Who knows!**

* * *

**Don't Talk About It**

For a while, Mike figured he would want nothing to do with his graduation formal, but the opportunity to take Zoey to a formal dance was too good to pass up. It would have been better if he didn't have to spend the night with the rest of his graduating class, but no plan's perfect, right?

However, he wasn't planning on running into an old girlfriend he hadn't seen since junior high. One of the other guys had brought her as his date, but at the moment, he was nowhere to be seen.

"Hey, Mike," she greeted him when they ran into each other.

"Hey, Rachel," he said. This felt awkward, but things would have been more awkward if he ignored her, so Mike attempted to make conversation. "Um... Zoey, this is Rachel. We used to be friends, but we haven't seen each other in a while."

"I was his girlfriend," Rachel corrected. While she faced Mike, her eyes were looking off to the side. "I know Zoey... I saw you guys on _Total Drama_."

"Oh."

"So, Mike, you never told me about... you know. Your condition," Rachel said. "I didn't know until I saw the show."

"Really? I thought everybody figured it out a long time ago," Mike said. "Someone found out and spread it around school, I thought it made it all the way through the neighborhood by now..."

"I don't listen to gossip," Rachel said. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't like talking about it."

"You couldn't trust me? We were dating-"

"I don't like talking about it," Mike repeated. "Can we not do this?" He took Zoey's hand and led her to the snack table. "Come on, let's get a drink..."

"You never mentioned her before," Zoey said once they were out of Rachel's earshot.

Mike shook his head. "There's a lot of things I just don't like talking about."


	66. Sixty-sixth Reason: Run

**Run**

Zoey never considered herself athletic before _Total Drama._ She made sure to eat healthy and walk often, but she didn't think she was the type of person who could play sports or run marathons. The burst of adrenaline she received after being pushed too hard may have destroyed her social judgment, but if she realized anything good from it, it was that she had more physical strength than she gave herself credit for.

This was useful when Svetlana insisted on competition, although it didn't mean Zoey stood a chance against the athletic prodigy Mike had living in his head. Svetlana often challenged Zoey to a run through the park whenever she came out, but Zoey lost sight of her early into the challenge. She didn't feel winded when she passed the finish line, but she couldn't keep up her speed for very long. Svetlana sat on a bench at their marked finish line, crossing her arms and tapping her foot impatiently.

"Well! That took you look enough!" Svetlana scolded. "Svetlana has been waiting for a very long time!"

"Sorry, Svetlana," she said. "Looks like you win again."

"Of course she did," she said, beaming. "Svetlana always wins. But it's easy for her to win when you do not even try."

"But at least you got to run, right?"

"This is true!" Svetlana stood up and stretched her arms and legs. "Mike does not let Svetlana out to stretch or run very often. He tells her it's distracting to his classmates when Svetlana does jumping jacks in the middle of a lesson. They should simply look away, then!"

"You promised you'd let Mike come back after our race," Zoey said quickly, hoping to cut off her rant. "So, do you mind?"

"Very well. Svetlana would like to run again, but she did make a promise." She took a harsh breath, then whoever replaced her blinked rapidly and shook their head, attempting to adjust to the new surroundings.

"Mike?"

"Yeah," Mike replied. "Svetlana was out the whole time, right?"

Zoey nodded. "I raced her like I promised. That's all that happened. She didn't try messing with me this time."

"That's good. She's always been one of the more agreeable ones, so I don't mind letting her out when she asks every once in a while. She doesn't normally do stuff to get me in trouble like Vito, and she did tell me she'd stop trying to experiment with you if I let her stretch when she needs it. Thanks for helping me humor her."


	67. Sixth-seventh Reason: Walk

**Walk**

Mike never went for walks on his own. The risk of switching and getting himself lost was far too great. While it wouldn't have been as dangerous in his teenage years as it was when it happened when he was a kid, too many memories of waking up in the middle of nowhere during the pitch of night put him off the idea long ago.

The story was different when he walked with Zoey, however. Having someone to talk to served as helpful distraction from the clamor in his head when the others wanted to go a different way.

Unfortunately for Mike, Zoey's distractions weren't always foolproof. He realized that today as they walked past a large grove of trees. A fence lined with 'DO NOT ENTER' signs separated the trees from the main path. Anyone who walked into that dense grove could have gotten themselves lost for days.

_What do you think they're hiding? _Manitoba asked inside Mike's head.

"I don't think they're hiding anything," Mike said. "The trees are just for show."

_Those signs are pretty suspicious... they don't want us in there for a reason. I wanna know why._

"Mike?" Zoey asked. "What are you talking about?"

"Sorry, Zoey, give me a sec," he told her. Zoey nodded, understanding what was probably going on. Satisfied that Zoey knew, he returned to talking to Manitoba. "It's a safety thing. I don't think there's anything out there but trees."

_You don't think, but how do you __**know?**_

Manitoba had a point... maybe the signs were suspicious after all. If someone wanted to hide a treasure, those trees would be the perfect place to do it, wouldn't it?

Mike took a few steps toward the fence. He didn't remember telling his legs to move, but he felt too hazy to question it much.

"Mike, come back!"

He almost turned to head toward Zoey's voice, but Manitoba interrupted. _She doesn't trust our skills, does she? Does she think we're weak? C'mon, we're __**men! **__We'll go in and get that treasure easy! She won't even have time to worry!_

Manitoba was right! They were strong! How could they call themselves men if they turned down the chance for adventure?

Mike closed his hand around the fence. He thought he heard Zoey yell, and a small part of him still wanted to turn back to see what she wanted, but Manitoba pulled him forward.

His next memory was of someone yanking down on the hem of his shirt. How did he get halfway up the fence? When did he climb this? WHY did he climb this?

"Mike! Get DOWN here!" Zoey shouted.

"Huh?" He looked around wildly, trying to figure out where he was. They weren't too far from what he remembered the last time his memory wasn't clouded; they'd simply stepped off the walking path.

"I switched again, didn't I," Mike said.

"Yeah."

"I think it was Manitoba," he said. "I'm not sure. I'm remembering something about treasure." Zoey let go of his shirt and stepped back, giving him room to jump back. He landed on his feet, but a painful shock still shot up his legs. He wondered how Svetlana did that without hurting herself, since he could barely manage without falling over.

"Think you're better now?" Zoey said. "I don't want you getting lost in there."

"I'm fine," Mike said. "Thanks." He took Zoey's hand. "Come on, let's get back to walking."

"You wanna keep going after that?" Zoey asked as they headed back for the path. "I know I worry a lot, but..."

"Yeah, he's gone. I like these walks a lot more when you're here to stop me from doing stupid stuff like that."


	68. Sixty-eighth Reason: Storm

**Storm**

The weather forecast said it'd be clear that Saturday evening, so Mike and Zoey packed up a dinner for themselves and headed to the park. The idea was to enjoy a nice meal with each other, gaze at the stars and the moon, and catch up with each other after spending the week busy with even more work than usual. He even surprised her with a vase of flowers after they set up their picnic. It seemed as if the night would make for a lovely, intimate date, something the two hadn't done in far too long.

They weren't counting on the clouds rolling in and pouring rain on them both the second they'd unwrapped their food.


	69. Sixty-ninth Reason: Umbrella

**Umbrella**

Fortunately, Zoey had an umbrella in her bag. Unfortunately, it was too small for both of them to walk with it.

Instead, the two of them moved to lean against a tree and wait out the storm. Mike held the umbrella while Zoey pressed herself against his side to get as much of herself under it as possible. They left the picnic setup where it was. The rain poured so heavily, it had rendered their food inedible within seconds. All they could do was wait for the rain to ease enough for them to walk home. For now, it was too heavy for them to even see.

Mike really wished the weather hadn't ruined their plans, but he wasn't going to complain about Zoey clinging to him like this. While eating and stargazing weren't on the agenda anymore, they could still sit and talk. It wasn't a total loss.

And once they got home, she could change into those warm pajamas that looked so cute on her and he could make her favorite citrus tea. Then they could put on some stupid B-movies, maybe that karate movie she'd been talking about wanting to see earlier, and cuddle under the biggest blanket in the house.

Mike leaned his head back and smiled. Maybe their date night wasn't ruined after all.


	70. Seventieth Reason: Open

**Open**

Mike learned early on in life to keep himself closed off. The world was not an accepting place; it was a cruel one, filled with judgmental people waiting for him to slip. One wrong move could have earned him disdain, so he felt it best to make barely any moves at all. It felt safer to try to blend in with the crowd and hope no one noticed his idiosyncrasies. His peers found getting to know him to be frustrating when he insisted on hiding himself from the world, and friendships and relationships rarely lasted very long when he wouldn't let others get to know him, but what else was he to do? The second word got out about just how broken he was, it'd all be over, wouldn't it?

When he received that proof, it only made him more determined to shut himself off from the world. His entire set of peers outcast him and tossed him aside once they knew who he truly was, so once he had an opportunity to make new friends and even a relationship elsewhere, how could he bring himself to let them know the truth? He'd been abandoned enough. He didn't want to deal with it anymore.

But with closing himself off came a new set of problems. Everyone could tell he was hiding something, but no one could tell what. Instead of being abandoned because he said too much, he could feel the others' confusion of what he could be hiding and why he couldn't explain why he acted so erratically. He quickly learned that it was inevitable; whether people knew the truth or not, he'd always be thought of as a freak.

Or would he? In the end, something strange that he never expected happened. He ended up outed – but to Cameron and Zoey, the two he was most eager to make a good impression with, it didn't seem to matter. In fact, being outed to Zoey is what kept her around. He almost lost her to his refusal to tell the truth, but instead, she stayed when she realized his odd behavior was beyond his control, not because he actively wanted to hurt anyone.

Opening himself to the world remained a frightening proposition. He'd never be prepared for humiliation again. But with the support of friends like Zoey and Cameron, maybe he could slowly come out of his shell.


	71. Seventy-first Reason: Sleep

**Sleep**

"Before we do this, I should warn you about some stuff first."

"What would you need to warn me about?" Zoey asked. It was her first time in Mike's room, and for the first time, the two of them planned on sharing a bed. His bed looked a little small, but sleeping close together didn't exactly sound like a bad idea in her mind. She still felt a bit nervous sleeping in here at all, but it's not like more than that was going to happen, right?

"It's about how I sleep... I'm not a quiet sleeper," he said. "It really annoyed the other guys back at camp... a lot of the time, the others start talking and keeping me awake, so I have to tell them to quiet down... or they'll take over and talk out loud even when I've let my mind shut down. On rare occasions they'll even get up and move around, especially Svetlana. I don't know how to make that stop, so I don't mind if you wanna leave and go to the guest bed."

"I already knew about that," Zoey said. "They got it on camera... which is creepy... but I saw it. I'll get used to it."

"Did they show me doing anything else weird?"

"Not that I saw."

"Well... sometimes, I'll have nightmares," he admitted. "Really awful ones. I might end up screaming or saying really weird stuff... if the others talking doesn't wake you up, that definitely will."

"What are the nightmares about?"

He remained silent and looked away. She could tell he didn't want to answer, so she refused to press the issue.

"Well, is there anything I can do if that happens? Any way to make you feel better?"

"I may end up clinging to you. If I do, could you maybe hold me back? Rub my shoulders or kiss my forehead or something, do something relaxing? Knowing you're there might work. Being alone without a distraction is one of the worst things for my nightmares, so just having you here is a great help."

Zoey nodded. "I'll do that if you need it." She gave him a quick hug, then headed to get into bed. "Hopefully, me being here will stop it from happening at all."


	72. Seventy-second Reason: Insomnia

**Insomnia**

"Come on, guys, go to sleep already, I have work in the morning... no, Svetlana, I'm not gonna go for a run this late... you can tell me that story in the morning, Chester... I want to sleep..."

Zoey sat up in bed and watched Mike toss and turn. While he'd been sleeping easier ever since they moved in together, he still had nights where the others were too restless for him to sleep. He stopped turning while facing Zoey, his eyes still wide open.

"I give up," he said. "I'm exhausted, but they won't be quiet... I'm just gonna go to the living room. No point keeping you up with me."

"You don't have to," Zoey said.

"I think I should." Mike got out of bed, then kissed Zoey on the forehead. "Sleep well. I'll see you in the morning."

Zoey rested her head on her pillows after Mike left and shut the door behind him. She wasn't used to sleeping without having him there anymore.

Both of them would be exhausted at work the next morning.


	73. Seventy-third Reason: Sing To Me

**Sing to Me**

Mike awoke to the sound of music he didn't recognize. Zoey must have woken up already and started to play music in the living room. He didn't mind waking up to it. This wasn't the first time he'd awoken to her music, and he did tell her not to worry about waking him up past a certain hour. Just because he liked sleeping late sometimes, that didn't mean Zoey should have to change her routine and stay stone silent for his sake. He hummed along to the bits of melody he could pick up as he got dressed. He wasn't normally a musical person, instead preferring to listen to whatever got played on the radio and never getting attached to specific bands, but there was something he liked about the voice he heard now. The voice sounded familiar, but with the door and the distance between him and the source, he couldn't place where he'd heard it before.

Whatever singer he expected to hear when he left the bedroom and peeked into the living room, Zoey was far from his expectations. But there she was, drifting aimlessly around the living room in an amateur dance and singing along to the slow, piano-centric love ballad that played from the radio on the table.

Mike remained in the hallway, hoping she wouldn't see him right away. He got the feeling she'd stop if she caught him there. But she had such a lovely voice... after all this time, why had she never sung to him before?


	74. Seventy-fourth Reason: Rhythm

**Rhythm**

Mike and Zoey stood in the middle of the living room, swaying to the rhythm of the song Zoey sang earlier. She'd caught him listening, and while it embarrassed her, she managed to make something good out of it. If he got to hear her sing, then he had to do something he was embarrassed about, too. He had to dance with her.

He protested at first. He swore he wouldn't be any good at it and she'd laugh at him. Svetlana was the dancer, not him. But before long, she managed to convince him to give it a try. It wasn't an expert ballroom dance by any means. Instead, Mike rested his hands on her hips, Zoey wrapped her arms around his neck, and they swayed back and forth to the song, not moving their feet. Zoey wondered if this bugged Svetlana, but as long as Svetlana wasn't so bothered that she felt the need to come out and show how it's done, Zoey supposed it didn't matter.

"Hey, Zoey?" Mike asked. "Can you sing again? I want to hear your beautiful voice..."

Zoey didn't believe the compliment, but she obliged and joined the song at the next chorus.

Mike pulled her closer when she started. Zoey wasn't fully comfortable singing where she could be heard, and Mike wasn't sure if he was comfortable with his dancing. But despite their discomfort with one aspect, they enjoyed the other aspect enough to make it worth it.


	75. Seventy-fifth Reason: Crash

**Crash**

Zoey had enjoyed ice skating ever since she was a little girl, although she never had anyone her age to skate with until recently. She and Mike managed to find a little pond in the park that no one ever used, so whenever the weather was cold enough for the water to freeze over, the two would come out to skate together. At the moment, Mike was out of Zoey's sight, but she didn't mind that. She knew he could have trouble controlling his direction sometimes. He'd be back by her side eventually.

"Svetlana shall go for the gold!"

Zoey turned toward the high-pitched voice to see Mike – well, Svetlana now – skating and spinning in intricate patterns across the ice. She felt a bit bad about it, but instead of yelling Mike's name, she watched in silence. She'd try to call him back in a few minutes, but for now, she found it fascinating to see just how skilled Svetlana was at this. She never could wrap her head around how that worked. Mike's body always had the potential to do this, but he could only maneuver it properly when he wasn't actually Mike.

"It's time for Svetlana's finale!" Svetlana made one final spin, then leaped into the air.

Mike picked an awful time to come back. Mid-air, Svetlana's graceful jump abruptly turned into Mike's panicked flailing as he struggled to gain a sense of where his body was and what it was doing. He ended up crashing into Zoey and knocking her flat onto the ice, along with landing face first onto the ice himself.

"Ow, ow, ow..." Mike tried to stand up, but couldn't regain his footing and instead fell back into a sitting position. "Zoey, I'm so sorry..." He reached out his hands and helped her sit up. After a fall like that, the two decided they were too sore to continue skating.

Zoey had no hard feelings toward Mike or Svetlana. They had fun, and it was rare that their skating trips ended without at least one of them taking a tumble.


	76. Seventy-sixth Reason: Never Alone

**Never Alone**

Loneliness was Mike's biggest fear. Perhaps 'loneliness' was never the best word for his situation; after all, with the voices in his head, he never was truly alone.

But that was exactly why he hated when no one else was around.

He needed other people to distract him. The others always talked, but at least when he had an outside focus, he could ignore the chatter and instead listen to the voices that existed on the outside. It was never easy to pretend the voices weren't there or to fight the urge to switch identities, but at least outside distractions helped him make an attempt.

Sitting alone in silence left him with only one thing to focus on, with nowhere to escape from the voices. If he was lucky, it would only be someone like Chester, Svetlana, or Vito, who would rant about their own feelings and desires without any real regard for Mike's existence. They'd use him as a listening ear and nothing more. Mike found it annoying, but it was preferable to some of the other sounds in his head.

There were identities that weren't so well-formed. These identities lacked names, full personalities, or the strength to come out very often, if at all. Rather than alters, they were more like memories. They served as a place for him to put thoughts he longed to forget. While distracted, he could ignore them and let them do their duty of holding all the things he couldn't handle.

But when alone, if he wasn't too careful, those voices would creep through. They'd remind him of the past, despite his best efforts to pretend it never happened. Some would scream in anger, some would cry in fear, and some would simply plead with Mike, wanting to know why he created them just to take on such pain.

Mike never had an answer. All he could do was wait for the sudden rush of negative emotions to pass and give him room to breathe once more.

He wondered if he was inviting Zoey over or calling her too often. Did he come off as too needy? She didn't seem to mind, and he could only hope she wasn't hiding any resentment.

He needed her to distract him whenever possible. The voices had been growing louder over the past few months, and Mike couldn't even bear to think about what could happen if they became too strong.


	77. Seventy-seventy Reason: Silence

**Silence**

The previous night was another bad one for Mike. He hesitated to call Zoey over again – hadn't he begged her to drive out in the middle of the night enough? - but in the end, he made the call and once more asked her to spend her night holding him while he had yet another nervous breakdown as a result of the static and noise in his mind.

Four times in as many months. This wasn't fair. He had to stop doing this.

As always, he spent the next morning in fear that she'd confront him about how needy he'd been and tell him he needed to stop calling her and learn how to handle this himself. But the lecture never came. Instead, she engaged him in a happy conversation as they ate breakfast. She gladly accepted that he wanted a day to laze around the house to do low-pressure things such as reading or watching TV. She made no demands and no suggestions that she didn't want to be there with him. Slowly, over the course of the day, Mike began to accept that Zoey honestly enjoyed spending time with him, even if they weren't doing anything. The day seemed particularly relaxing, but it took until the evening, when Mike's parents had gone to bed and the couple had changed into their pajamas and settled in to watch that week's terrible monster movie on one of their favorite channels, for him to realize what was different aside from Zoey's presence.

His head was silent.

If he focused very hard, he could pick out bits of chatter, the usual accusations and cries that often guilted him into a depressed spiral. But unlike most other times, he found it harder to focus on it than to ignore it. For one of the few times in his life, he knew what it was like to have only the outside world to focus on. Even Chester's usual rants about how they shouldn't be mocking the movie, they didn't even _have _movies back in his day and Mike should stop being such a spoiled brat and appreciate it, remained absent.

Did Zoey have some sort of influence on his ability to tune out the clutter? Were the alters feeling unusually nice today and giving him a break after this most recent meltdown? Mike couldn't be sure of the reason. He also knew not to get too used to the silence, for he'd experienced it before, but it never lasted more than a few days before the voices rushed back, louder and more frustrated than ever.

But for now, he could enjoy it while it lasted. He was just a normal teenage guy, enjoying a night in with his awesome girlfriend and with no problems to worry about, just as it should be. He'd make every second of silence count.


	78. Seventy-eighth Reason: Panic Attack

**Fun fact - this is the first "reason" I wrote, long before I started publishing these. It's gone through some editing, of course, but it was the very beginning of my drafts. I still like it, which is weird for me!**

**And since I don't think I've said it recently - thank you so much, my readers and reviewers! You're all great!**

* * *

**Panic Attack**

She hated when they made him lock the bedroom door.

It wasn't the first time this happened. After the two of them finished work, they were supposed to get ready for a nice dinner out. She'd already picked out a dress she made but had yet to wear, they'd already made reservations, and all they had to do was change their clothes and get going. But instead, Zoey arrived home to Mike's car parked outside, their bedroom door locked, and no Mike in sight.

"Mike?" she knocked on the door. "Are you in there?"

"GO AWAY!"

It was a loud, harsh voice, much different from how Mike would ever speak to her. It must not have been him in there.

"Mike?" she tried calling again. The sound of his name sometimes snapped him out of these attacks.

"I SAID GO AWAY!" Not this time, apparently.

"No... stop it, stop it, stop it..." Mike's voice had returned to its normal tone, with a harsh sob following his words.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"Stop it, stop it..."

"GO AWAY, ZOEY!"

"I said stop..."

His voice continued switching wildly between anger and distress, sometimes changing tracks mid-sentence. It was rare for Mike to make constant switches like this. Zoey had only seen it a handful of times, and she hated every second.

"Please open the door."

"No!"

She had no idea who had told her no. "Mike, please..."

Mike and whoever else was in there stopped speaking, no matter how many times afterward Zoey called his name. She sat in the hallway with her back against the wall. It looked like they'd have to cancel their reservations again. That was the least of her worries; instead, she mainly focused on hoping Mike would come back fully, and soon. For both their sakes.

A constant, violent sobbing came from the other side of the door as Zoey sat helplessly, unable to reach out to her panicked boyfriend. The only upside she could find to the situation was that he was making any sound at all.

This was always much more terrifying when he went silent.


	79. Seventy-ninth Reason: Late

**Late**

No matter how late it got, Zoey kept her place outside the door and listened for any sign of improvement from within. Mike, or whoever had control of him, had long ago stopped screaming words, leaving Mike's sobs as the only sound she heard most of the time. Whenever things got quiet, she'd shout Mike's name or knock on the door, triggering another scream that soon devolved back into cries. She never thought she'd be happy to hear him scream like that, but at least it let her know he was still in there. She still had no idea if his demons intended to hurt him, or if he intended to hurt himself to make them stop, no matter how many times he swore he was past that point of his life.

He swore he was past that point of his life before, but that didn't stop her from finding telltale marks on his arms and chest more than once.

Her head dipped in exhaustion, but she managed to shake herself awake before she fell into deep sleep. She couldn't leave Mike alone when he was going through this. She knocked on the door again in hope of inviting another sound, but this time, only quiet came from the other side.

"Mike?" she called, but received no answer. "Mike?!"

Just when her head began coming up with worst-case scenarios as to what could be happening on the other side of the door, the knob turned. Mike stepped out, looking as if he'd seen better days. His hair stuck out even worse than usual, and while he didn't cry at that moment, his puffy eyes and stained cheeks made it obvious what had happened not too long ago. Faint red lines traveled up both his arms, but to Zoey's great relief, the skin wasn't broken. He couldn't have used anything sharper than his fingernails.

"Hey," he greeted Zoey hoarsely as he sat himself in the hall next to her. "Sorry about that..."

"Never apologize when that happens," Zoey said. "I was worried about you, not me. What happened? Is everything all right?"

"I left work early," Mike said. "My head felt fuzzy, but I thought that maybe if I got home and took my meds in time, I'd be fine. But I didn't make it. I remember going into the bedroom... and now I'm here. I never got to take them. I blacked out for a while."

"I thought I heard you in there," Zoey answered.

"It wasn't me. I don't know who was out. Probably a few of the nameless ones. I've been gone this whole time. One second I was stepping through the bedroom door, and the next thing I remember is you calling me just now." He sighed heavily. "I messed up our date again, didn't I."

"You didn't mess up anything! This wasn't your fault!"

"What time is it?"

"...midnight," Zoey answered. She tried her best to hide her disappointment, but it still showed in her voice. "They're closed by now."

"Damn it... Zoey, I'm sorry..."

"I told you to stop apologizing."

"Did you eat yet?" Mike asked. "I'm starving. I did get to take my pills, so I'll be fine soon. Right now I just want food."

"No, I've been sitting here waiting for you since I got home."

"We can still go out somewhere, then. Even if it's just for a burger. You wanna?"

"You'll be all right?"

Mike laughed as he stood. "Of course I will. I break down sometimes, but I come back, you know that." He held out his hand to help Zoey up. "I'll be fine. Give me some credit."

"I just worry," she answered, unable to hold back a smile. Seeing him happy – or acting happy, at least – after she spent hours worried for him was contagious. "If you want to, then yeah, let's go to the drive through. It's not the steak I was craving, but it's still cow, right?"

Mike smiled at Zoey's joke, but quickly frowned when he noticed his arms. "Shit, did they do that again...? At least it doesn't hurt... just let me get a jacket, then we'll go."

It was later at night than they normally spent out of bed, and the parking lot of a 24-hour fast food place wasn't what Zoey had in mind for a romantic environment for the evening. But at that point, they could have made sandwiches for dinner and she would have been happy.

Mike would be fine. Even if he was still feeling shaky – somehow, Zoey got the feeling he was faking that smile – at least he could pretend at all. He'd bounce back fully by the morning. That was all she needed to know.


	80. Eightieth Reason: Completely

**Completely**

He woke up on the floor again. How long was he out? He remembered the sun being up, but now the sky was pitch black. The ceiling lamp was on, though, giving Mike a full view of the destruction in the bedroom. He'd stripped the bed and tossed sheets, blankets, and pillows all over the room. The bedside lamp sat in the middle of the floor in several pieces. He must have torn the wire out, since it sat on the other side of the room, far from the outlet. Books, CD's, and papers littered the floor. Thankfully, none of the CD's seemed damaged. Some of those things were hard to find, and Zoey would not be happy if Mike destroyed them in the midst of a fit. He'd been having these way too often recently. They hadn't been this frequent since he was a child who had no idea where to begin in controlling himself.

He brought himself up to his feet and inspected himself for injuries. Thankfully, they only aimed to cause harm to inanimate objects this time. He then went to find Zoey and let her know he was back. The room could be cleaned later. Zoey took priority.

He found her sitting in the living room, sketching in a book and listening to headphones. She seemed calm, so they must not have targeted her, either. They usually didn't. During his latest fits, the alters only wanted to destroy and they didn't care what, so as long as she stayed out of the room, they wouldn't follow and look for her. Mike sat next to her, prompting her to put her book down, pause her music player, and move her headphones to around her neck.

"Mike?" she asked. "That's you?" Mike nodded. "I heard crashing. Are you all right?"

"I'm fine this time," Mike answered. "He wrecked another lamp, but I think that's the only thing broken. I'll clean it up in a bit, I just wanted to check in on you first."

"This is the third night this week..." Zoey said. "Mike, I'm only saying this because I'm worried... maybe you shouldn't be trying to ease off your treatments. I think you still need it."

"No, I don't," Mike said. "I can't keep seeing doctors and taking pills forever, can I? I need to learn to survive without all that stuff. It's just been a bad week. I'll work harder and do better next week, I promise."

"Maybe you're not ready to let go of the treatments yet... there's no shame in asking the doctors to up your dosage again if that's what you need."

"They... they don't know I'm only taking half in the first place," he admitted.

"MIKE!"

"I can't depend on those stupid pills to keep me happy and calm for the rest of my life!" Mike argued back. "I need to learn to control myself! What happens if I don't have any for some reason, then I get anxious and I switch? If they're like this when I'm still taking some, what happens if I go a few days without and THEN I switch? What if they do something to you because my mood got too bad and I had no practice fighting them off? At half doses, they don't go after you, so maybe I can make them stop altogether, then I'll stop taking pills at all and by then, I'll know how to fight them off and protect you. I'm doing this for your sake, too, not just mine. I'm your boyfriend, I'm supposed to do whatever I can to keep you safe. If I can't get complete control of myself without outside help, something's wrong."

"I haven't seen you smile since you made this change," Zoey asked. "Are _you_ happy with the way things are now?"

"I'm... I'm not," he said. "I've felt like depressed, scared crap. But it has to get worse before it gets better, right?"

"Take your pills," Zoey insisted. "I miss happy Mike... I've been scared for you for a while, even before you started having these fits. I knew something was wrong..."

"But how can you love me like this?" Mike asked. "I'm dangerous and unpredictable, you need to cheer me up way too much... I'm a lot of work. I'm trying to be less work."

"I've never once thought you were too much work," Zoey assured him. "I love you completely, everything about you, no matter what you're going through. I'm happy that you want to protect me, but it's not worth you being miserable." She kissed his cheek and held him tight. "Worry about you. If you want to worry about me, do that after you've taken care of yourself. I don't feel like you're dangerous to me, and even if there is a risk, seeing you hurting like this isn't worth it."

"Thanks, Zoey," he said. "I've been feeling broken for a while... but with you, maybe I can feel complete again."

"Just give you time, and you'll bounce back?" Zoey asked, repeating what he'd told her many times before.

He nodded and smiled for the first time in days.


	81. Eighty-first Reason: Scream

**We're four fifths of the way through! I'm getting closer to the end - this is exciting! I may get to finish this the way I planned from the start! As usual, thank you all so much for keeping up, whether you've been here from the start, or you just started reading and it kept your interest enough for you to make it this far! It's had its ups and downs, but all in all, I'm proud of this and I feel like it's made me a better writer than I was eighty-one days ago.**

* * *

**Scream**

Zoey bolted up in bed at the sound of a shrill shriek that pierced right into her heart. She knew exactly where it came from and why it happened, but as she looked to her side, she wished for the sight to not prove that knowledge right.

And yet, it did. Mike clutched his half of the blanket and panted heavily, with beads of sweat forming on his forehead. Between breaths, he mumbled words Zoey couldn't quite hear. She reached out to touch his shoulder in the hopes of calming him.

"NO!" Mike screamed and jerked away the second her fingertips brushed against his body. "GET AWAY! DON'T TOUCH ME!"

"Mike, shh... relax..." she whispered. "It's all right, no one wants to hurt you..."

"GET AWAY FROM ME! I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS! STOP IT!"

"It's me... it's Zoey..."

"Who?!" Mike responded. She expected that, but she still hoped against hope he'd recognize her this time. "I don't know you! Leave me alone! I want to be alone..."

She tried touching him again in an effort to calm him down, but this only triggered another series of screams. He cried out until his throat must have gone raw, and when he could no longer scream, reverted back to his struggling breaths.

Zoey rolled over to face away from him. She couldn't stand seeing him in such terror, especially when there was nothing else she could do. He'd be fine in the morning when the nightmare had time to fade out of his memory, but even knowing that never made handling this any easier. She could have dealt with it if there was something she could do to ease his pain, but not when her every attempt only made things worse.

She didn't expect to eventually feel his hand on her shoulder and his chest against her back. He still fought for air, but handling physical contact without screaming again meant a great deal for his progress.

"Zoey? That's your name?" he whispered, sounding too weak to speak any louder.

"Yes, Mike. That's me." He never willingly came near her when he couldn't remember her before, but she wasn't about to question that now.

"How do you know he won't hurt me again? Can you keep me safe?"

"I'll do whatever it takes to keep you safe, I promise," Zoey said. She reached up to touch the hand he rested on her shoulder "I'll never let him go near you again."

"I don't remember anything about you... but I feel like... I do know you..." Mike spoke slowly as he sorted through his half-asleep thoughts. He wrapped his fingers around her own. "This feels familiar... we've done this before?"

"We have," she answered. "You like holding my hand."

"I do..." he agreed and squeezed her hand tighter. "I think... I trust you... I think you'll protect me..." He fell silent and pressed gentle circles into the back of Zoey's hand with his index finger. "Zoey? I can't remember... do I love you?"

"You've loved me for a long time."

"Yeah... yeah, it feels like I have..." More of his memory seemed to unlock as Zoey spoke and confirmed the parts he couldn't recall through the stress. She knew most of his memory shut down whenever the flashbacks hit and he began trying to forget everything in a panic, but it always completely returned by the next time she spoke to him again. She never saw it come back gradually before. "Being this close to you feels so good. I must love you."

"I love you too, Mike. That's why I'll do anything to make sure you're not hurt." Mike didn't respond, but those chilling screams and pants had also stopped. Satisfied that she finally managed to help him even when he didn't know her, Zoey drifted off to sleep. As her last waking thought, she wondered if he'd remember all this in the morning.


	82. Eighty-second Reason: Break Down

**Sorry chapters have been so late recently. This week, I've been the worst combination of sick and busy... but I haven't missed a day yet, and I don't intend to!**

* * *

**Break Down**

Zoey staggered through the door and tossed her bag into the corner. She collapsed on the couch with a harsh exhale, her body and mind both drained beyond belief. Adult life crushed down hard on her mental state. Her college classes heaped on so much work, she wasn't sure she'd be able to handle one class worth of assignments, let alone the four classes that had assigned tests and projects in the next week. Her latest client for her clothing business insisted on acting difficult, constantly changing her requests and nitpicking every preliminary design Zoey sent. She would have refused the project by now if she didn't fear what it would do for her reputation; they couldn't afford to lose that bit of income, and besides, she held great pride in her dedication to never dropping a project until the customer was absolutely satisfied.

Another thing had stressed her out recently, but even admitting that she couldn't handle it to herself managed to guilt her. She promised she'd always be there for him! How could she ever resent him for something he didn't choose and couldn't control?

Granted, he could be making this easier if he'd stop skipping pills under the assumption that he'd be all right without them if he tried hard enough...

No! She had to stop thinking that! She had to stay strong for Mike. He needed her... but in a way, she found herself wishing he didn't.

It wasn't that she didn't want to deal with him. In fact, the opposite held true; she loved knowing that she could make him happy and help him out in ways that no would else could ever hope of doing. She was his most special person, and she would never want to hold that title for anyone else. But sometimes, for his own sake, she wished he didn't need her help. Such a smart, brave, kindhearted guy didn't deserve to go through such mental hell. He deserved to follow his dreams and enjoy life without worrying if his disorders would mess it up for him. She couldn't help but wonder, was it selfish to wish he could live like a normal young man without worrying about such things? Despite how much she loved taking care of him, she wondered how less stressed she'd be if he could handle himself without her... or, at the very least, if he stopped pushing himself so hard until he broke and she had to pull him back from something preventable.

But she couldn't let herself break down. She couldn't let herself even consider what life would be like if he didn't mentally depend on her. She had to keep fighting so she could be there for him.

And she couldn't let him see that she was on the verge of breaking in her own way. She had to be strong for him, not expect him to take care of her. Zoey decided not to let him see how badly she wanted to cry. She'd fight and say strong so he could continue to worry about himself and not her.

She'd be able to fake it. She'd be able to fight off a break down. Nothing could go wrong...


	83. Eighty-third Reason: Stand

**Stand**

Mike wasn't sure how to react when he walked into the bedroom to the sight of Zoey sitting at her sewing table, sobbing heavily over a torn skirt.

He never heard her cry like this before. She rarely showed any outward signs of sadness around him, and even when she did, it was in reaction to his own pain or because his alters did something stupid to her. But even without her showing it, he sometimes had the feeling something was wrong with her, especially in recent days. She spent a lot of time alone in their room, claiming she had lots of work to do. She didn't want to go out to do anything, and rarely wanted to do anything around the house with him, not even holding a simple conversation. If he tried to physically soothe her at night, the most he could get was a small kiss good night before she rolled over, claiming to not be in the mood.

He asked repeatedly if she needed help, but she swore she was fine, to the point of getting agitated with him if he asked too much. He started to believe she could deal with this on her own and that there was nothing he could do. But if something as simple as a torn sewing project could reduce her to tears, despite her taking it in stride so many times before, he couldn't walk away.

"Zoey, what's wrong?" he asked as he closed the door.

"Nothing's wrong. Don't worry about me," she cried, which didn't help make her claim sound at all convincing.

"I'm going to worry if my girlfriend's crying like this," Mike answered. "What happened? I didn't do something, did I?"

"It's not you... I_... _I can't stand anymore of this!" she screamed, crumpling the skirt into a ball and tossing it across the room as she did. Mike ducked so it wouldn't hit him in the head. "I can't stand the pressure anymore! My sewing isn't good enough for this customer, I can't keep up with school, I have to keep turning you down when you want to do something, friends keep calling and wondering where I am and I can't even find the time to call them back and explain... I keep letting everyone down... I'm supposed to be stronger than this, I need to be there for so many people, but I don't have the strength to please anybody anymore... you're upset with me, right? I know everyone else is, and I know you're avoiding me."

"I thought you needed space..." Mike said. "What was that about you needing to be strong for everyone?"

Zoey didn't answer right away.

"Zoey, come here. Please talk to me. What's bothering you?"

She stood and slowly walked over to where Mike waited. As soon as she was close enough, he reached his arms out to embrace her. She held him back and slipped back into crying, burying her face into his chest and staining his shirt with her tears in the process.

"I shouldn't... be leaning on you... of all people..." she cried. "You need me... it's not supposed to be the other way around... "

"You're allowed to need me. Why didn't you come to me before if you did?" Again, she didn't answer. "Please tell me what's wrong. I want to help, I swear. Lean on me just once."

He wondered how long she'd tried to stand on her own, and why she didn't believe he should be there to catch her if she needed it. She wasn't ready to talk yet, so he stood and pet her hair, hoping to calm her down enough for her to speak. If she broke in ways similar to his own ways, talking could be exactly what she should have been doing.


	84. Eighty-fourth Reason: Strength

**Writing does not go so well when I'm sick... hope I can return to form soon...**

* * *

**Strength**

Mike managed to slowly lead Zoey over to the bed so she could sit. She refused to let go of him and sit on her own, instead choosing to sit in his lap and leave her face against his chest. Her body trembled as pent-up stress and emotion poured out in her sobs. Mike frowned as he stroked her back, hoping it would relax her. How long had she been keeping this in? He thought she rarely cried for herself because she wasn't that sort of person, but had she been lying to him about her feelings all this time? Pangs of guilt washed over Mike's heart. Should he have realized this was about to happen before it did? Was he too neglectful for not noticing that she was hurting?

"Talk to me," he repeated when her sobs grew quieter. "What's been going on, Zoey? Why haven't you told me you weren't feeling good?"

"I'm supposed to be strong, aren't I?" she said, her cries still clear in her voice, although the tears had stopped flowing. "Remember when people used to say I was weak and that I relied on you too much? I wanted to be able to take care of myself and not have to drag you in every single time I needed help. Not you, and not anyone else. It's not fair for anyone to have to take care of me."

"You take care of me all the time. What's not fair is if you don't let me try to return the favor. I hate seeing you upset."

"But I don't want you to think I'm weak."

"Do you think I'm weak for needing help?"

"No! Of course not!" Zoey stiffened in Mike's arms. "Of course you're not! You're fighting as hard as you can... if you were weak, you would have given up already, but you never did. Needing help every once in a while doesn't mean you're weak, it just-" Zoey stopped talking, having realized what she said. Mike smiled down at her, pleased that she worked it out.

"...oh," she muttered. "I guess that's me too, huh."

"Remember when we talked about you overworking yourself before?" Mike said. "You look like you need another break. We'll be fine if you close off the commissions again."

"But I don't want to just give up on this project," Zoey said. "I should be able to handle it."

"When I started seeing psychologists and I told them I felt scared and depressed all the time, they suggested I take pills," Mike said. "I hated the idea at first. I wanted to be strong and fight everything on my own. I already had trouble getting control back from the others in my head, so why would I want to give control to these doctors, too? I kept insisting I didn't want them, but then one doctor said something that's stuck with me... he said being strong isn't just about fighting for yourself. It's about knowing and admitting when you can't fight anymore and not being too proud to ask for help." He took Zoey's chin in his hand and turned her to face up at him. "You're not a weak woman. I don't care what those stupid magazines keep saying. You've fought for me and everyone who asks you for anything all this time. Let me do the work every once in a while, and tell people when you can't handle what they need from you." Mike sighed. "I guess I should be doing that, too."

"Make you a deal," Zoey said. "I'll let you help me with what I need to get done... and you'll let the doctors help you and start listening to them again. Got it?"

Mike chuckled and hugged Zoey close. "Got it. We'll both try harder together."


	85. Eighty-fifth Reason: Fear

**I swear, I had this written for June 8, but FFNet's story manager has been broken all day. I didn't miss a day on purpose! Consider this June 8's update. June 9 will come later today, and that'll get me back on track.  
**

* * *

**Fear**

Zoey wasn't afraid when Mike started wearing jackets around the apartment. It never once occurred to her that it could even be a problem. Sure, it may have been uncharacteristic, he never did this in previous winters, but this year was particularly brutal. If that was what Mike needed to keep warm, then who was she to judge?

She felt a bit of concern when he stopped wanting to hug her. Physical affection had been a big deal for him from day one, so why did he flinch when she touched him? He never told her to stop, he tried his best to return her romantic gestures, but the enthusiasm he once held for being hugged and petted by her had started to die off. He wouldn't even remove his shirt for the back rubs he once craved anymore.

She worried when he started making emergency appointments with the psychologists. She asked why he went so much more often now, but he never gave a straight answer. Mike told her it was nothing major, he was just trying to work through something only they could help him with. They were close to a breakthrough and he'd be fine any day now. He returned from several appointments with shaking limbs, glassy eyes, and an unwillingness to talk to Zoey about anything other than that he'd had a bad switching experience. He swore it wouldn't happen again, but as it continued happening, her worry grew.

Even as her worry mounted, true fear didn't grip her mind until the day she heard a blood chilling scream coming from the bathroom. She rushed to the bathroom and rattled the door, trying in vain to turn the locked knob, as the screams continued. No matter how loudly she called his name, the noises would not cease. It didn't take as long as two minutes for Mike to finally answer, but every second she spent separated from him nearly killed her.

Her fear wasn't eased when the door finally opened. Mike stood hunched over, his hair sticking out wildly, his breaths ragged. But what stood out most to Zoey was the marks all over his bare arms and torso. His jacket and t-shirt had been discarded on the bathroom floor, revealing what must have been weeks' worth of cuts all over his skin. Some had begun to fade, but there were plenty of fresh ones. The newer cuts went deeper than the older ones, as if whoever had done this had escalated their efforts with each attack. Several still-bloody slashes covered his chest, and fresh blood smeared all the way down to his stomach. No wonder he'd screamed so harshly.

"Mike?! Who did this to you?!" She refused to believe Mike did this to himself, even if it was his own hands. It had to have been one of the others. The idea of even his hands doing this nauseated her, so she couldn't bear to consider his own mind having anything to do with this.

"Help me," he whispered. He took one step toward her before wobbling and collapsing into her arms. "Please help me..."

She walked him over to the couch, and the second she laid him down, she couldn't get to the phone quickly enough for her liking.


	86. Eighty-sixth Reason: Cry

**OK, we're back on track!**

**As an aside, I think after this, I'm only doing one more angst prompt, and then I'll be ending the run with some more fluff. I didn't expect to do so much angst from the start! Funny how fics can take turns you didn't expect when you started them... I thought this would mostly be fluff, but I guess my ideas got away from me, especially after the warm reception I got for "Forever".**

* * *

**Cry**

The next few hours blurred in Zoey's panicked mind. She remembered calling for an ambulance and saying her boyfriend had hurt himself; she hated that phrasing, but had no time to elaborate on the reasons for Mike's injuries. She remembered helping a disoriented Mike down the stairs and out the door to wait, though in the moment she didn't think to grab him a shirt and cover him up. He was at such a loss that he might not have been able to put it on anyway. She remembered him – or whoever was out – violently fighting back when the paramedics strapped him to the stretcher and loaded him in. After that, her memory became shaky. She assumed she drove herself to the hospital, but had no idea how she managed that when she could barely think straight from her fear for Mike. She also didn't remember sitting in the waiting room or finding Mike's room once he got checked in, but here she sat with him. He still didn't have a shirt, but the bloodstained gauze wrapped around his torso helped to offer a bit of modesty. Gauze also covered his shoulders and extended to halfway down his forearms. Zoey acknowledged for the first time that his wrists were in perfect health and not in need of medical attention. She mostly felt relieved that things never went that far, but she couldn't help but wonder if that was only a matter of time if she never discovered what was going on.

"What did the doctors say?" she asked Mike. They did talk to her about Mike's situation, but she wasn't mentally present enough to listen at the time.

"It's not life threatening," Mike answered. "It still hurts like hell – even if you didn't catch me in the middle of doing it, you probably would have noticed I was hurt, there's no way I could hide this one – but I'll be fine." He seemed oddly calm, despite what had just happened. Zoey wondered how many sedatives it took to get him to this state, considering the way he'd thrashed as they prepared to drive him here.

"Do you know who did this?" Zoey asked. "I don't know who I've been talking to tonight. Sometimes it seemed like you, but other times..."

"I've switched a lot tonight," he said. "It's one of the nameless ones. You know, the memories? He had some pretty bad stuff. I had him buried pretty deep, but they all come up eventually... all those appointments I've been going to were to try to bury him again before he broke down and started 'punishing' me for what I forced on him, but that hasn't worked out, obviously."

Silence fell between the pair. Whenever Zoey thought she'd seen the worst sides of Mike's trauma and she couldn't imagine a worse hell for the sweetest boy on Earth, something like this would happen and make all the previous incidents seem underwhelming. What could he have possibly done to deserve something like this? She thought of what little he'd told her of his childhood, vague tales with only just enough information to suggest he'd seen more in the first ten years of his life than the average adult would be able to stand, stories where even telling her what little he could caused him visible distress. Tears of sympathy and rage formed at the corners of her eyes. How could that man have done something like this to his own son?! Mike said his father could be dead as far as he knew, and while Zoey normally found it horrible to wish death on someone, dead was the best state for that waste of oxygen to be in. If she ever learned he was still alive somewhere, she'd show him the pain he put Mike through!

Mike's brow furrowed. "Zoey? Don't cry..." He reached for her hand. He couldn't make it from their positions, so Zoey placed her hand in his and let him close his fingers around it. "I'll be fine... it could have been a lot worse. I'll heal, I swear."

"I know you'll heal later, but I can't stand seeing you like this now..." She could prevent herself from breaking down into sobs; he didn't need to worry about her now, not on top of everything else; but nothing would stop the tears from silently flowing down her cheeks. "Did they say how long it'll take? Can you come home tomorrow?"

Mike frowned and glanced away from her. "Not tomorrow... I don't know when I'm coming home. They want to keep me for a while. Watch me, work with my MPD until this new guy goes away, maybe change my meds again. I can't come home unless they're sure I won't hurt myself... or you."

"They think you'd hurt me?"

"They think it's possible."

"Do you think you would?"

Mike had no answer. He only squeezed her hand tighter. It probably wasn't fair of her to ask that question, she realized. She knew Mike would never cause her harm, but he didn't always have any say over what his disorder made his body do.

"How long will you stay?" she asked. "A few days?"

"This happened a long time ago, too, before I met you. They kept me for three weeks."

"_Weeks?!"_ she couldn't help but exclaim.

"If that's how long it'll take to keep me safe again..." he said. "I want this thing in my head gone, and daily appointments obviously aren't working..."

"If it's what you need..." Zoey's tears never stopped flowing. "But I'm gonna miss you."

"I'll miss you too, Zoey. But I'll be fine after that, so please don't cry."

He smiled weakly to ease her, but she knew the difference between his genuine smiles and the ones he gave to fool himself into thinking everything would be okay. This one was the latter, and it only made things worse.


	87. Eighty-seventh Reason: Never Give Up

**Never Give Up**

"I don't want to stay here anymore! Please come get me, Zoey! I can't take this!"

Mike's words came crashing out of the phone the second Zoey answered, without a greeting to offset them. She'd left him behind at the hospital several days ago, with assurance from both the doctors and Mike himself that everything would be fine there and Mike would be his regular self – not perfect, but functioning – within a few weeks. He seemed optimistic about the situation the night Zoey left, confident that some time away from everything and some careful monitoring would get him back on track and he could stop having these freak-outs that approached a deadly level of danger. She couldn't visit him in person, but the hospital allowed Mike to call her daily and let her know how he was doing. He told her for several days that he was relatively happy, that he had a great session with the psychiatrist that day, that the food was awful and he missed her, but he felt safe staying there and he couldn't wait until they helped him feel safe about going home, too. He adjusted, and Zoey felt sure that everyone made the right decision in keeping Mike there for a while, as much as she wished things could be different and she could have him by her side once more.

Given all of their earlier optimism, suddenly hearing Mike on the verge of panic came as a heavy shock.

"Did something happen?" she asked, trying to stay calm. "What's wrong?"

"I can't stay here!" he repeated. "I want to go home now! They keep asking questions I don't want to answer, I don't even remember some of the answers, I don't know what they want from me-"

The more he talked, the more Zoey realized something off about his tone. He spoke higher and faster than normal. It was a subtle change, but over the years, she learned to pick out subtle changes in his voice and movement and react accordingly.

"Can I talk to Mike, please?" she asked.

"I don't wanna go back in there!" the alter cried. "I'm scared! The doctors wanted to talk to me about that crazy guy in here, the one who likes blood, I don't wanna see him again-"

"Mike's been working on getting rid of him," Zoey answered, assuming the alter was talking about the one who got Mike committed here in the first place. "It'll help if he gets to talk to me."

"Right, he's happy when he talks to you... and when he's happy, the scary guy goes away..."

"So you'll be safe if you let me talk to Mike," Zoey said.

"If you say so..." With those final words, the alter gasped, giving Zoey the audible signal she needed when she couldn't watch Mike's visual cues.

"Mike?" Zoey asked to confirm who had come out.

"Huh? Zoey? Is that you?" Mike asked. "How long was I gone?"

"Someone else was on the phone, but only for a few minutes. He sounded scared and kept asking me to come take you home."

"I keep telling them you can't do that," Mike answered. "The doctors have wanted to talk to the memories a lot today. They've been pretty loud recently – that's why the cutter got strong enough to come out as much as he did, I guess. They keep remembering what they saw and hearing different memories from the others, and it stresses them out and gives me a headache to listen to it. I think they need to talk through what happened to us so they can calm down. I've had to do this before, so I should be used to it."

"You don't sound used to it," Zoey said.

Mike sighed heavily. "I'm not. It takes a lot of alone time and maybe a pill or two for me to be okay enough to talk to you. But I've gotta keep trying, right? I do want to come home, but..."

"But you can't until this is fixed," Zoey said. "I'll be too worried that you'll get hurt again if you come home before it's time."

"I know, I know. I'll keep fighting from here. I won't give up, I swear. I'll stay and I'll keep trying."

"Never give up," Zoey said. "Tell that to the others, too. The harder you fight, the quicker you can leave."

"I'll let them know," Mike said, though he didn't sound too hopeful that it would accomplish anything. "Listen, I'm running out of time. I need to hang up. I'll see you soon, all right? I love you."

"I love you, too. I can't wait." After they exchanged their goodbyes, Zoey hung up the phone and leaned back on the couch. She couldn't give up, either. She missed Mike like hell. Even their small apartment felt much too big and quiet without him. But the knowledge that he was safe kept her from sinking too low into her loneliness. He'd be back sooner or later, and they could return to their usual lives. They only had to hang on until then.


	88. Eighty-eighth Reason: All I Have

**All I Have**

"Good morning, Zoey! Happy Valentine's Day!"

Zoey sat at the table with her coffee, having woken up before Mike as usual. She turned her head toward his voice and smiled at the sight of him in the hallway. His first actions after leaving the bedroom were to wrap his arms around Zoey from behind and kiss her cheek. He then headed off to pour his own mug with a spring in his step and a wide grin on his face.

"Good morning, babe," Zoey said, laughing at her boyfriend's enthusiasm. "Sure you need that? You look awake enough."

Mike shrugged as he carried the mug to the table. "Maybe not. I'm just in a good mood today. It's great being back home." His smile somewhat faded, but didn't leave completely, as his eyesight drifted to the middle of the table. "Sucks I couldn't get you anything today, though."

Zoey didn't notice until Mike pointed it out, but the table was strangely bare considering what day it was. He always gave her gifts for relevant holidays, Valentine's Day included. It started off things like cutesy stuffed animals, cheesy greeting cards, or cheap jewelery. Zoey always appreciated his efforts, though she did like it a bit more when they grew closer, his gift giving skills improved, and he started buying things more personalized toward what she wanted. No matter what other gifts he chose, though, the batch always included a bouquet of fresh flowers, which was always an ideal gift for Zoey no matter what. This morning, however, no flowers were present for the first holiday since they got together.

"I didn't forget about you!" Mike said quickly. "It's just, I've only been home a couple of days and I still need to get adjusted again. Being out of work that long doesn't give me much spending room with my own money, so I can't afford a really nice flower arrangement like I usually do, never mind anything else... and I don't want to go into our shared account for a gift, that's not fair... I considered getting something simpler, but that might have looked like I cheaped out and didn't care... but it's not like I ever got the chance to get out and buy anything anyway. Today came up way too fast." He scratched the back of his neck and grinned sheepishly. "I'm sorry about that... I'll go all out for your birthday to make up for it, I promise."

"Don't worry about it," Zoey said. "I'm so happy you came home before today that I didn't notice you don't have anything else. You being home safe is my gift."

"I still wish that wasn't all I had," Mike said. "Maybe we can go out for dinner tonight? Would that make up for it?"

"Do you have enough money for that?" Zoey asked.

"Just barely, I can't afford anything really nice, but-"

"If it's a struggle, then I don't want it," Zoey said. "You're my gift this year. This past month has been such a mess, having you here and seeing you smile again is the best thing I could get."

Mike's nervous grin transformed back into an honest one. "Really? Then how about we just hang around the house together and not worry about anything? Would that be all right?"

"Of course it will," Zoey said. "We haven't gotten a chance for that since you got home, have we? Doing nothing today sound perfect if I get to do nothing with you."


	89. Eighty-ninth Reason: Next To You

**Next to You**

Zoey had always gotten the feeling from media that she should be appalled by the idea of a Valentine's Day without a gift or a date, but on the morning after her first one with Mike where neither were present, she felt no regrets for how the day went. Spending the entire day in their pajamas, holding a crappy movie marathon and eating cheap delivery for lunch and dinner, was one of the best things she could have asked for. It sounded underwhelming on its own, but given their recent circumstances, it served as a welcome return to normalcy. Mike wore a genuine smile the entire time, without a hint of anxiety. Occasionally someone like Chester or Vito would come out to comment on the movies, but the more unstable alters remained at bay and Mike returned shortly after each switch. For the first time in weeks, he happily cuddled her without showing any pain and even actively initiated as many kisses and touches as Zoey did. They hadn't spent a day like this since they were in high school, and with all of Mike's mood issues and Zoey's stress, they weren't sure they'd ever have a chance again. The nostalgia was a breath of fresh air for both of them after a very long stream of stress and sorrow that threatened to break them down to a point where they would never piece themselves back together again.

And as if the rest of the day wasn't enough, they steadily became more physical with each other as the movies continued, eventually reaching a point where they both decided heading to bed was a much more worthwhile activity than putting on a movie they weren't focused on. Zoey knew she missed him in more ways than she could count, but she underestimated how much she missed him leaving her breathless until she found herself so deeply lost in his affections once more.

She opened her eyes to the sun the morning after, her mind and body still spinning after last night. Mike remained asleep, as usual. Zoey smiled to see him so relaxed; he didn't mumble or squirm, he only laid sprawled out on his side of the bed, his body lightly rising and falling with his breaths. The only thing that concerned her were the cuts that still marred his skin, but even those had faded since she first saw them. The only marks that remained obvious were the two largest ones that raked down his chest, but he claimed those didn't hurt anymore. He seemed to like it when she kissed them last night, so she believed that. She wasn't sure if she believed they'd ever fully heal, but as long as they didn't hurt him, it wasn't a problem. Mike was still that handsome young man she fell in love with all those years ago. Even if the scars reminded her of how she almost lost him, they'd also remind her that he was strong enough to survive, even when his mind became so bleak.

She reached out and gently dragged her fingers down his chest, between his cuts. Mike smiled at the contact and rested his hand over hers as it moved. She continued stroking his skin wherever she could reach, which kept that adorable smile on his face. He draped his arm over her waist and pulled her closer as she caressed him.

Normally she'd get out of bed by now and get an early start on some work, but what would the point have been? Zoey much preferred being here next to him, savoring his warmth and his soft breaths. She had him by her side once more, and if it was completely up to her, she'd never let anything take him from her again.


	90. Ninetieth Reason: Laced Fingers

**Laced Fingers**

Such a simple action could make him so happy.

There were all sorts of ways Mike could show Zoey his affection, but nothing as simple and non-distracting as holding her hand. If he felt the need for physical contact, then as long as she was near, he could do it. Whether they hung out with other people, went to see at a public show, took a walk, or just sat around the house doing nothing in particular, he'd always reach out to take her hand. Rarely was it a conscious decision; it was just the easiest way for him to touch her without making others uncomfortable, and it was one thing she never turned down.

She didn't always return the hold, and that was all right. It was still worth it even when he was the only one to make a move. Her smaller hand fit so nicely inside his curled fingers, and the warmth and softness of her skin was all he needed to keep himself stable with the reminder that she sat there by his side. But when she did hold his hand back, it made things even better. When she laced her fingers with his, pressed her palm against his hand, and gripped him tight, the reminder extended beyond her presence. Sometimes, the more negative voices inside his head could make him forget that she really cared about him and thought he deserved her love. When she actively and positively reacted to him, though, it meant that she wanted to be close to him as much as he wanted with her. Her actions spoke much louder than Mike's disorder could ever hope to drown out.

Lacing his fingers with hers wasn't his favorite way of getting his treasured contact with her, but when he needed an instant calm, it was the most convenient. He valued it highly for that alone.


	91. Ninety-first Reason: Again

**Here we go, final stretch... just ten more updates, and I'm done. Thank you all for sticking with me this long! It's been fun! Chances are, next time you see one of these notes, it'll be at the end of the hundredth reason.**

* * *

**Again**

Mike was a liar.

It wasn't that he wanted to hurt Zoey with his lies; on the contrary, he lied to protect her. More importantly, he lied in the hopes that if he repeated it enough, someday, the lie would come true. He knew he was wrong when he said it. Zoey probably knew that, too. But no matter what, whenever something went wrong, he'd make the same promise he knew he couldn't keep.

"It won't happen again."

Vito won't go off chasing other girls again. Svetlana won't get him stuck in a situation he's not flexible enough to get himself out of without injury again. Manitoba won't make gross passes at her again. Chester won't ramble angrily and aimlessly at her again. The frightened memories won't make him hide from her again. The depressed memories won't cut his skin again. The angry memories won't lash out at her again.

They won't control him again. That's what his lies boiled down to, and what he wanted so badly to believe. But Zoey wasn't buying it. He thought she wanted those promises, but they just made it worse when the alters did eventually come back, just as Mike knew they would from the start. Their relationship started on lies and almost broke before it could get anywhere due to the lies. She didn't want lies anymore, no matter how well-intentioned they may have been.

So after yet another incident where he hurt Zoey with his lack of control, he didn't promise it wouldn't happen again. Instead, all he could do was apologize. He felt as if it wasn't as good as a promise, but at least this was something she could believe. If that was all she wanted to hear when he screwed up, then that's what Mike would say, instead of promises he knew would never come to pass.

He only made her one more promise about how he'd deal with the alters. "I won't lie about them again."

Finally, he found a promise he could be sure of.


	92. Ninety-second Reason: Moment

**Did I get any new readers from Tumblr? Hello, new friends! Thank you SO much, Havefaif, for recommending this fic over there - I NEVER expected someone to do that, but apparently I made that much of an impact! Pretty sweet!**

**After this, we only have eight updates to go. I hope you'll all stick around until then!**

* * *

**Moment**

Taking life one moment at a time was the best thing they could do.

At the beginning of their relationship, even during their best times, they worried that more painful moments would come soon. It wasn't a needless worry; it was a rare month where Mike could go without a single problem. Harmful thoughts swam in Mike's head even when things are all right at the time.

_I feel fine, but will it end soon? Will I break again? If we plan to do something next week, will I be well enough to handle it?_

The worry managed to cloud many of their early dates. They couldn't enjoy themselves when all they could do is wonder if they could make it through the evening without Mike having a bad switch or a nasty flashback. They both wished they weren't so anxious about it, but they couldn't help but worry for the sake of the other. Zoey didn't want Mike to suffer, and Mike didn't want to ruin Zoey's anticipated evening all because his mind did something stupid.

It took a lot of fighting with their own minds, but over the course of their first few months, the two slowly began ignoring the fear and enjoying their moments together. Things would fall eventually, they couldn't deny that, but in the moment, it was all right. Things became much happier when they could focus on what was around them and not on possible future worries.

Zoey knew from the start that to take care of Mike, she'd have to be there to pick him up during the hard moments. But things got much better after she learned that caring for him also meant that when his mood was high, she could help to hold him up there as long as she could. It didn't mean she ignored about his disorder, it meant she was helping him to ignore it. And in his highest moments, that was what Mike wanted desperately to do.


	93. Ninety-third Reason: You Save Me

**You Save Me**

"You saved my life."

The two had cuddled in silence for quite a while before Mike spoke up. Zoey pulled back from their tight embrace to look him in the eyes. "Did you say something?" she asked. She thought she heard him, but she must have been mistaken, right?

"You saved my life," Mike repeated as he cupped her cheek in his hand. "I really believe that."

"Really? How?" she asked. "You were the strong one during _Total Drama_, not me. Ask any fan site, I didn't do anything."

"Didn't do anything? You did plenty!" he asked. "Ignore those stupid sites, they don't know what they're talking about."

"Like what?" she asked. "I mean, yeah, I had that adrenaline boost for a while, but you weren't even there and I almost got Cameron killed. I didn't save anyone. Even if I helped Cameron in the end, all that was my fault in the first place." She frowned and looked down, away from Mike. Thinking about what had happened just a few months ago still made her feel guilty.

"Just because you weren't pulling me back from the jaws of a mutant shark or something, doesn't mean you didn't do anything to help me," Mike said. "Do you know how desperate I had to be to sign up for that show? I saw the first three seasons, I knew how dangerous it was... but at the time, I didn't feel like I had any other choice. My MPD had been getting worse and worse. I kept getting thrown out of school clubs and my grades were slipping because I couldn't keep control. Everyone in school found out about my disorder and they kept avoiding me. Rumors went around that I attacked someone, and I couldn't remember if that was true or not. The more stressed I got, the more out of control the others got, which only stressed me out more. I was starting to consider..." Mike's voice trailed off. "Well... things weren't good," he said with a nervous laugh. "I auditioned for _Total Drama_ because I didn't know what else to do. I wanted to prove I could do something, so when I saw the ads announcing that auditions were open again, I went for it despite thinking it'd be a stupid idea even if I wasn't messed up. Do you know what could have happened? I could have been rejected by everybody for my disorder, humiliated on national TV, and sent home as an even bigger wreck than I already was. But you accepted me... even when you didn't know what was going on and I kept hurting you, you still tried to be there for me. And when you finally found out my secret, you stayed. Getting to be with you... it was the first time something went right in a long time. I don't even care that I didn't win the money. Money wouldn't have helped if I left with everyone – with YOU, the coolest, cutest girl I've ever met – thinking I was a freak." He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tight again. "I've been so lonely for so long, but now I have you. If I was alone much longer... I don't know what could have happened. You saved me, Zoey. I haven't been this happy in years, and it's all because of you."

Zoey hugged him back. Surely he exaggerated, surely he put her on a pedestal, surely she wasn't that special, surely he would have been just fine without her... she couldn't believe that Mike, or anyone, could need her in their life that much.

But he sounded so sincere when he spoke, just as he always did when he told her how much he liked her and how much she meant to him. If he honestly believed she saved him, she wouldn't try to convince him otherwise.

She still couldn't believe she had that much of an impact on him, though. After all, things couldn't be so bad in his head that he'd consider anything that drastic, could they?


	94. Ninety-fourth Reason: Fine

**Fine**

"I'm fine."

It was one of the most common phrases to come from Mike's mouth. It was also one of the most useless, because it could mean anything.

Sometimes he said it during bouts of mania, when he had just come out of a low period and felt overjoyed at the ability to feel once more. He'd grin wildly and assure Zoey, over and over again, that everything was fine now, and as long as he had her, it would be fine forever. This sort of fine made him somewhat clingy. He wasn't possessive and wouldn't force her into spending time with him, but when she did stick around, he'd hold her and kiss her and profess his love for her as much as she could stand it. Even her asking him to slow down couldn't break his smile during those highs. He'd do whatever she asked of him when he was like this. This was way stronger than fine, and Zoey found it exhausting at times, but they slowly worked on learning each other's signs so they could meet in the middle and not overwhelm or neglect each other, so the manic 'fine's weren't so bad.

They were better than the lies, after all. Sometimes he'd say he was fine and smile like usual, but with a huge difference from his mania. The corners of his mouth twitched. He couldn't keep his eyes open all the way and he laughed way too much. His desire for her contact would crash and he'd begin to hide from everyone, Zoey included. All the while, he'd continually say he was fine, despite showing every physical sign that he was most certainly _not _fine. Sometimes Zoey would convince him to stop lying to her and to stop lying to himself, and he'd quit repeating that phrase and let her know what was really going on in his head so she could help him stop it. But just as often, he'd keep saying "I'm fine" until the point where he had broken so badly, he couldn't tell her anything at all.

Sometimes, the words "I'm fine" would come from his mouth, but it wasn't his own mind saying so. She felt grateful that these times were rare, for nothing good ever came from an alter trying to convince her that Mike was okay; after all, if she was talking to an alter that would make such a claim, that alone was evidence that Mike was as emotionally gone as he could be, and those alters never had a non-selfish reason to convince her to not try to bring him back.

She liked the word best during his times of calm happiness. He'd communicate the fact that everything was normal in his head with the way he'd treat her as a friend and partner, not as a savior who ranked above him or as someone he owed anything to. They could go out and do things, or sit at home and do things, without him worrying so much about how she felt about him. He'd never stop instinctively holding her hand or playing with her hair, and she'd never want him to stop, but it felt more natural when he was calm. He didn't cling as if she could leave at any moment, and he didn't hesitate as if she'd shatter.

She hated admitting there were times she liked better than others. She didn't want to sound as if she loved him any less when he went through emotional extremes that he couldn't fully control. But if she absolutely had to choose, she'd say he seemed the most fine when he didn't need to say so.


	95. Ninety-fifth Reason: Lost

**Lost**

Mike often felt lost growing up. After all, it's hard to find yourself if you're unsure who you really are in the first place. When he first developed MPD, he spent more time blacked out than he did in control, partly because he had no idea how to keep control and partly because, even if he did know his triggers and how to avoid them, he didn't really want to stay conscious most of the time anyway. On the rare occasions when he was out and not terrified enough to want to go back to sleep, he had no idea what to do with himself. He could barely ever remember where he was or how he got there, which made it difficult to decide where to go next. Most often, he wouldn't even try, instead choosing to sit and wait until he inevitably switched again within hours.

Things improved after he escaped the toxic environment that originally broke him, but not by much. While being brought to safety gave him a bit more will to live, he had no idea what he wanted to do with it, or even what he could do. He'd drift around through groups of friends and activities, but he could never stick with anything for very long before his disorder ruined it for him. Thinking back, he didn't know how many friends he made and clubs he joined because he honestly enjoyed the idea, and how many were due to a desperation to prove he could handle _something._ Teachers often asked him, especially once he reached high school, where he saw himself in the future, but he never had an answer. He barely knew where he was now. How could he tell how many opportunities he'd have as an adult, and how many his disorder would destroy before then? He pushed through and tried his best to put on a brave, smiling face as he drifted through life, but he could never stop feeling lost and empty, no matter how skilled he became at hiding it.

Maybe it was obsessive to thank a single person for giving purpose to his life, but he couldn't deny the major impact Zoey had on his mental state. He'd thought that previous girlfriends could save him before, but things never worked out that way. But Zoey was different. She stayed by his side without making him feel like a burden or a freak. She encouraged him to fight for himself and go for what he wanted, even if he felt afraid that he'd mess up and everything would go wrong. Even if she held the same fears for his sake, she still believed in him and wanted him to succeed. And when he did fall, she'd be there to pick him up and make everything okay again... at least, she would when he'd let her get close enough to help. Any time he avoided her was his fault, not hers. She tried her best by him, and he couldn't thank her enough for it.

She helped him get to a point where he could start standing on his own. He'd need to fight to make it through no matter what, but with the encouraging pushes she gave him at the start of their relationship, he slowly built the confidence to make it alone, without help.

But even if he could make it alone now, it didn't mean he wanted to. He found his place in the world after drifting lost for so long, but that place would have been a lonely one without her by his side. If it was weak of him to need her, then he'd admit to her being his weak point for the rest of his life. Being confident but lonely sounded no better than lost.


	96. Ninety-sixth Reason: Fate

**I'm not trying to make a sympathy grab, so let me just say that things for the next couple days are going to be less than ideal. I'm going to try my best to stick to my schedule, but it's entirely possible that I may need to skip Thursday and/or Friday's update. If that's necessary, I'll update more than once on Saturday to catch up. This WILL be finished on Sunday, I promise!**

* * *

**Fate**

Despite living together for years, Mike and Zoey both still had boxes in the apartment they hadn't opened since they moved in. They would have gone through them if they had any need, but the need never came. So much time went by that they forgot what some of the boxes could have held, since they couldn't think of any important possessions they were missing. So on a day when they didn't have anything else to do, the pair decided to go through the boxes and get rid of some things they wouldn't miss. Even with all the hard work, they still enjoyed getting to bond while working by talking about various things they found, talking about how they didn't remember owning some things, and laughing at the fact that they ever owned some of these odder trinkets in the first place. Mike in particular wasn't familiar with most of the stuff in his boxes, since a lot of it was never his to begin with, but he ended up keeping a lot of it because the alters complained if he tried to put it in a donation bag. Some boxes were familiar to him, though, like the box loaded with B-movie DVDs. He and Zoey had since bought most of them over again, but they all came from bargain bins at the grocery store, so it wasn't like they wasted a lot of money on duplicates. The two went through the DVDs, laughing at some of the more memorably bad ones and putting aside ones they hadn't seen yet to watch later while the duplicates got donated. At the bottom of the box sat a stack of unmarked discs in jewel cases, with no booklets or anything else that could identify what they were. The two assumed the discs were movie copies Mike had made from his computer, so they put those aside to watch after they finished cleaning.

That night, they settled in to watch one of the discs. Mike couldn't think of what movie could possibly be on the first disc, but neither of them expected what faced them.

"Whoa! I thought I threw these out!" Mike exclaimed at the TV. A teenage Mike faded in on the screen, sitting on his bed and grinning nervously.

"Um... hi," said the younger Mike. "My name's Mike, and I'm here to audition for _Total Drama_!" He grinned wider and sat up tall, but the whole thing seemed forced. "I'm going to be an actor someday, so I should get all the exposure I can get! I've been a member of several acting groups in my area, and I've come up with plenty of personalities- _characters_!" he quickly corrected himself, but his smile had already faded and the blood drained from his face. "I like to come up with characters to play! And I... I've studied all sorts of different talents to make my characters more believable, I'm very athletic and tough and I'm a good explorer, and I'm sure these talents will help me win! So choose me! I'll be great for the ratings with my personali- _CHARACTERS! CHARACTERS! _Oh, forget it! Forget I said anything! Damn it, damn it, damn it!" The Mike on the screen quickly lunged off the bed and toward the camera, presumably to turn it off, but ended up crashing into it and knocking it to the floor. It recorded the dust bunnies underneath Mike's bed for a few seconds before he finally turned it off, bringing an end to the disc.

"Mike?" Zoey asked. "What was that?"

"One of the audition videos I made for _Total Drama_ years ago," Mike answered. "I didn't know I kept these. I remember most of them being like that – I kept slipping up and hinting at my disorder somehow. It'd been a part of my life for so long, it was kind of hard to not bring it up, even though I was so sure bringing it up would mean I wouldn't get picked."

"I saw the one you sent in," Zoey answered. "Was there any reason you didn't keep trying until you got it right?"

"You know what? I did," Mike said. "I finally made the perfect take where I didn't mention my personalities or trip over my feet or anything... and then when I went to mail it in, I sent in the wrong disc." Mike rolled his eyes. "I really couldn't get anything with that stupid audition right."

"But you still got picked," Zoey pointed out.

"Yeah, I thought about that for a while, and you know what? I think it worked out that I sent in the wrong take. That 'perfect' take wasn't embarrassing, but it wasn't very interesting, either. I don't know what Chris would have done with that. But show him a kid who admits to seeing psychiatrists and then tries to back pedal? I bet he invited me on so he could figure out what that was about." After a bit of silence, he continued. "You know, maybe it was fate that I messed up so bad."

"Fate?" Zoey asked.

"Yeah. If I had done a perfect audition and sent it in, Chris probably wouldn't have invited me on. If I wasn't invited on, I wouldn't have built confidence from being able to not completely screw up any of the games I played in... and I wouldn't have been able to meet you. I was supposed to tank the audition. I hated myself so much when I realized I went and sent the wrong take, but now I think that was lucky. I was supposed to get myself on that death trap of a show, and making a fool of myself in front of a board of producers was the only way to do it."

"Sounds like some pretty crappy fate," Zoey said with a laugh. She then hugged his arm and leaned against him. "But hey, if that's what it took for me to meet you, I should be thankful for it. I'm sorry you had to go through that, though."

"Nah, I'm over it," Mike said. "Now I'm just happy that it brought me here." He kissed Zoey on the head, then got up to retrieve the disc from the player. He briefly considered throwing it and the rest away, since it no longer served any purpose and he didn't want anyone else seeing any of these.

But instead, he decided to keep them as a reminder that no matter how much he thought so in his youth, fate didn't _always _hate him.


	97. Ninety-seventh Reason: Smile

**A prompt called "Smile" is exactly what I needed today.**

**The way things stand, I probably will have an update for Friday, but it's Saturday that's looking questionable now. We'll see.**

* * *

**Smile**

Screams of laughter echoed through the bedroom of their apartment. They were adults now. They'd managed living in an apartment on their own for a while, alongside attending school, holding down work, and generally doing all the boring things society expected adults to dedicate most of their time toward.

But that still didn't stop them from putting time aside for things like tickle fights.

"Zoey!" Mike called out through his laughs as she lied over his back and tickled his sides. During a brief second where he could catch his breath, he managed to turn around and roll Zoey on to her back, then pin her hands above her head. Despite the fact that the tickling had stopped, they both continued laughing with each other for a while longer.

"I win!" Mike said, the laughter still in his voice.

"Do you want a prize?" Zoey asked, smirking at him.

"Hm..." Mike made it obvious as he looked her over and considered what he wanted. His eyes lingered on her smile. Even after all these years by her side, not once did he ever tire of that beautiful smile, especially not when he was the one causing it. She radiated joy with every smile she gave. Her brown eyes sparkled as the corners of her soft lips turned up, showing Mike clearly how much she enjoyed being here with him.

Those soft lips... yes, that would make for a nice prize.

Mike leaned down and softly kissed her smile. The kiss only lingered for a second, but her joy shined even brighter when he pulled back.

"I wouldn't mind giving you that as a prize again," she said.

Mike laughed again – how was he supposed to stop laughing with her here with him like this? – and kissed her once more. "I could do that all night," he said, but as he spoke, his eyes drifted toward the clock. "We should probably get ready to go soon, though."

"Yeah, you're right," Zoey said. Mike let her go and moved off her so she could sit up. "We can get back to that later." She ruffled his hair with one hand and kissed his forehead. "Happy birthday, honey. I hope you have fun tonight."

"I'm sure I'll love whatever you have planned," Mike told her. "Now go get ready." He watched her leave for the bathroom so she could get ready for their date, the smile never leaving his face. Once she shut the door behind her, he began gathering the clothes he planned on wearing that night.

One part of his process of getting ready involved retrieving a small, black box from underneath a stack of old scripts in his dresser. He slipped the box into the pocket of the jacket he picked out and made sure it didn't look too obvious. He couldn't let Zoey see it before he was ready.

There was one thing he'd wanted for his birthday for several years now, but circumstances and anxiety never let him ask for it. He hoped tonight would be different.


	98. Ninety-eighth Reason: Beauty

**Saturday and Sunday's updates still look iffy, and tonight was a MAJOR close call... but we're almost at the end!**

* * *

**Beauty**

Mike groped around the bathroom, trying to find his shirt. He'd made a lot of progress with his triggers over time, to the point where he could shower without switching for even a moment, but his eyesight still blurred and his movement became sluggish as he tried his best to keep Vito in check.

Still, progress was progress. Even if movement was difficult, at least he could move at all.

He pulled his shirt over his head, thankfully returning his consciousness all the way, then continued getting dressed without having to worry about switching anymore. With all of his excitement for tonight, he couldn't allow himself to switch, and he felt confident he'd be able to prevent it for the rest of the day. Nothing could possibly kill his mood or stress him out this time. His curiosity about what Zoey had planned for his birthday excited him too much for him to worry about stress.

Not only that, but if his own plan went well, this could become his favorite birthday of his life.

He pulled his jacket on and checked the pocket to make sure the box was still there; if he dropped that in the bedroom and Zoey found it, it may have ruined everything. Satisfied that it remained in its hiding place, he turned to the mirror and messed up his hair with one hand to give it that "accidental" look Zoey liked so much. He then headed back to the bedroom, where Zoey got ready for the evening.

He couldn't help but gasp at the sight of her, even from the back. She wore a strapless black dress that fell to her ankles and clung tightly enough to her body to emphasize her figure. Mike stood and watched for a minute as she brushed her bright red hair. She usually kept it pulled back, but he liked it best when it fell loosely over her shoulders.

Once she finished with her hair, she turned to face Mike, not showing surprise that he stood there. He did often watch her get ready for dates when he finished first, after all.

"What do you think?" Zoey asked, blushing slightly.

"Beautiful," Mike said, a huge grin plastering his face, but it quickly faded. "Not that you don't always look beautiful! You do! ...but that doesn't mean you don't look even more special tonight- you just- I just-"

He spent so much time stammering nervously that he didn't notice Zoey approaching him until she'd silenced him with a kiss.

"...you look beautiful," Mike repeated, his smile returned. He wrapped her arms around her and pulled her close, savoring the scent of her shampoo and perfume.

"You look great, too," Zoey told him as she ran her fingers over his shirt, down from his chest to his stomach. "Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah. You?"

Zoey nodded and stepped back. The two chatted about nothing in particular as they gathered their keys and wallets, put on shoes, and headed out to the car.

Thinking back, Mike realized he may have lied to Zoey. He said she looked beautiful, but that wasn't entirely correct.

By saying she looked beautiful, he may have implied he just meant her looks, but that wasn't true. She _was _beautiful, inside and out. Only a truly beautiful heart could make him look forward to every minute he spent by her side. Only a truly beautiful heart would accept him and work so hard to make him as happy as she did.

He only hoped that she felt the same way about him and that he could give her even half as much joy as he received.

He hoped he'd find out tonight.


	99. Ninety-ninth Reason: Say You Will

**Say You Will**

"How did you even get tickets for this?" Mike said, still laughing from the last performers on stage. "I tried and they were out in a minute!"

"Just got lucky," Zoey answered with a smile. "I really wanted to get these for you, since I knew you wanted to see it and the day was perfect."

"So you bought the ones I was after," Mike answered her, still smiling. He took a sip of his water, pleased with the direction the night was taking so far.

A restaurant the pair liked going to for special occasions hosted a comedy show that evening, with various comedians Mike enjoyed. He immediately jumped for the chance months ago when tickets first went on sale, not even acknowledging what day the show took place on, only to miss out on it. He felt disappointed for a while, but after Zoey began to talk up having a surprise for him for that night, he pushed that disappointment out of his mind. He didn't even guess that this could have been his gift to him. Good food, an entertaining show, and, of course, an evening out with Zoey; what more could he have possibly wanted for his birthday?

Well, there was _that,_ but he'd worry about that at the end of their date. There wasn't much he could do about it in the middle of a crowded restaurant. While some guys preferred having an audience for it, Mike didn't want to raise a fuss. That was supposed to be their moment, not something for strangers to witness and congratulate them on.

Mike eyed Zoey's wine glass with very mild envy as she took a sip. She'd shared a sip with him earlier, and he did enjoy the taste, but he couldn't risk pouring himself a whole glass. The alcohol would tempt Vito, and while no night was a good night for him to show up, tonight would have been particularly bad. She lowered the glass to the table and returned her gaze to Mike. "I can't wait to see you up on that stage some day."

Mike almost choked on his steak in surprise. He quickly grabbed his water and washed it down. "Me? Doing a show here?" Mike asked once he could talk again. "Man, I don't know... I mean, I know I've gotten some minor roles before, but... getting a role somewhere like this? Shows here are big, the sorts of things that sell out quick. People like me don't get roles here."

"Why not?" Zoey said. "You've been working hard. What makes you think you won't make it someday?"

"I just don't want to get my hopes up, I guess."

"Go ahead and get your hopes up," Zoey said. "Keep going to auditions and you'll get it, I know you will. Now say it."

"Say what?"

"Say you'll play a show here."

"Zoey, I'm not-"

"I want to hear you say it."

Mike sighed heavily. "I'll play a show here someday," he said, not entirely sure if he believed it or not. Zoey still smiled at him; clearly she had confidence in him. Maybe her confidence counted for something?

They put their conversation on hold once the actors for the next skit came out, though Mike kept the idea of performing up there someday in the back of his mind. Maybe he wasn't confident about it. He still wasn't confident about a lot of things, no matter how much progress he'd made over the years.

But no matter what he tried for in his life, Zoey always believed he could do it. If she said he would make it someday, then maybe he'd have to believe her.


	100. One-hundredth Reason

After the two finished their meal and their show, they decided to head for a walk in a nearby park to walk off dinner before heading home. It was already late by the time they got here, and they had the park to themselves. Not a single soul roamed the paths aside from them, not even an animal, leaving the area silent except for the click of Zoey's heels on the concrete and the crunch of the occasional leaf under Mike's feet.

The solitude made everything perfect. One of his biggest fears was of the paparazzi figuring out what was going on and interfering with the moment, but there was no one with a camera in sight. Mike couldn't have planned this any better.

"So, I made a good choice for your present?" Zoey asked.

"Yeah!" he answered. "That was great! I'm glad I got to go see that. Tonight was per- well..." He buried his hands in his jacket pockets. "Tonight was almost perfect."

Zoey's brow furrowed. "Almost perfect? Did something go wrong? Are they talking again?"

"Nah, nothing went wrong," Mike answered. "I haven't heard much from them all day. It's just that there's one more thing I want to happen tonight. If that happens, _then _tonight will be perfect."

"What do you- oh... I get it." She smirked and wrapped her arms around his waist from behind. "Don't worry, baby. I have one more surprise left when we get home..."

Mike's heart began skipping beats. For a moment, he considered taking Zoey home right then. This could wait until tomorrow, next week, maybe even next year... he might lose Zoey's next present if his plan didn't work.

But no. He'd been putting this off long enough. He needed to get an answer from her.

"I can't wait," Mike answered as he rested his hands over hers. "But that's not what I meant... I figured that was a given. There's something else I want first."

"What is it?" Zoey asked. "I think most places are closed by now, but whatever it is you want, I'll get it for you somehow. I want tonight to be perfect for you."

"I can get it here," Mike answered. He glanced around the park and settled his eyes on a bench. "Come on, let's sit. I wanna talk to you about something."

The two headed toward the bench, a confused look on Zoey's face. "Mike? What's going on?"

"How are you feeling?" Mike asked.

"Well, confused," Zoey said. "I don't know what you're getting at."

"I mean in general. Are you happy? Happy with me?" Mike asked. His heart pounded in his throat and threatened to choke him. It wasn't too late, he could turn back, he could try this again another day...

"Of course I'm happy!" Zoey answered. "You've been great to me all these years. You're so easy to talk to, I have a great time on our nights out... you're my best friend, Mike. I love you. I can't imagine not being happy with you. I know we've had our rough patches, but I've never stopped loving you, not once..."

Mike's mind raced. Okay. She's happy. That's good.

But was it enough?

"Is everything all right, Mike?"

Was he shaking? Panting, maybe? Mike figured he must have been doing something to concern her, but everything was in such a haze that he could barely tell what his body was doing. He didn't feel that he'd switch, but his nerves were completely shot and it stole away his focus.

"I... I love you too, Zoey. A lot."

Shit, that was corny. Better keep going before she notices.

"You've taken such good care of me over the years... I know I'm so much work, but... you're always there to help..." His hands went back into his pockets, his right hand closing around the box with a force that threatened to crush it. "But it's not just about that... you're always there when I'm happy, too... I love being with you, no matter what we're doing... I feel like I can only really be myself when you're there... you know how hard that is for me, but when I'm with you... it's not... I'm not broken, I'm not crazy... with you, I'm... just Mike..."

Crying was not part of Mike's plan, but that didn't stop tears from welling up in his eyes. Zoey wrapped her arm around his shoulders, but for one of the few times in his life, it did nothing to soothe him. His nerves and emotions continued to run haywire as he reconsidered whether to do this or not.

He already went this far. He had to continue. He had to ask her.

But what if it makes her leave?

But what if it makes her stay?

"I can't imagine... being without you..." he continued speaking, trying to fight through the tears. He made constant pauses to breath or recollect his words, but he fought through as well as he could. If there was anything he'd gotten good at over the years, it was fighting through and doing what he wanted even when his mind tried to stop him. "It's not just... about when I'm sick... I love having you then, but... maybe I could make it on my own... but I wouldn't _want _to... I want you there when I'm happy, too... and I want you to be as happy as I can make you, too... I love you, and I... want to be by your side... that's what I want for my birthday, more than anything... so... I want to ask... if..."

He removed the box from his pocket and opened it in front of Zoey, revealing a silver band, set with square rubies all the way around the circumference. It didn't have a particularly elaborate design; Mike wasn't sure what counted as nice and what counted as gaudy in the designed rings, but he did like this simple one. He knew Zoey liked red, so he could only hope she liked it, too. More importantly, he hoped she'd like what it represented.

"Zoey? Will you marry me?"

Time froze after the words left Mike's mouth, and immediately he regretted everything. Should he have gotten a gold ring? Maybe she'd like diamonds better? Was this ring too cheap?

Did the ring not even matter? Was he too much work? Would she say no regardless?

When did it get so hot? There had been such a nice breeze before. It was only early March. So why was he breaking out in a sweat?

Just when he considered putting the box back in his pocket and forgetting this whole thing, her hands closed around the hand that held the box. Mike couldn't tell if his heart had stopped or if it pounded too fast for him to feel it.

He messed up, she's going to let him down gently, he just ruined everything, shit, _shit, __**shit!**_

"Mike..." she whispered as she tightened her hands around his. Her hands felt so soft and warm, but his nerves fired too hard for him to savor it. He stared into her eyes and awaited her response, fearing the worst.

A single syllable escaped her lips, almost too quiet for him to hear, but her smile gave it away.

"Yes."

She let go of his hands, moved her arms to encircle his waist, and rested her head against his chest.

"Of course I will." She'd started crying as well, but even with the tears obscuring her words, Mike heard enough to know that his plan worked after all. He wrapped his free arm around her and squeezed her tight while he waited for his mind to relax enough for him to speak again.

"Give me your hand," he said. She sat up and placed her right hand in his as she smiled at him through her tears.

He lifted her hand to his mouth and kissed the back of it, then dragged his lips to her ring finger. She kept her hand in place when he let go to remove the ring from the box.

"I... hold on," he said with a laugh as he fumbled to remove it from the velvet that held it in place. Normally his clumsiness embarrassed him, but what he was about to do elated him too much for him to care. He finally managed to get it out, somehow without flinging the ring or the box across the park in the process, then took her hand in his once more.

"Zoey Skinner..." he said as he slipped the ring on her finger. "I like the sound of that." He kissed the ring once he had it in place, then pulled her into an embrace once more. "I love you, Zoey. Thank you so much. For everything."

She didn't respond, but she didn't have to. Her arms around his body and her head against his shoulder told him everything he needed. The two sat in silence, gazing at the full moon and the plentiful stars, as Mike thought about all the future could hold for them. He had a strong feeling Zoey thought of the same things.

They'd been through a lot together ever since they locked eyes on the boat to Wawanakwa at the age of sixteen, through many highs and just as many lows, but Mike wouldn't have changed a single event he went through with her.

Every day they spent together gave them another reason to fall in love and look forward to the next moment they could share. Mike knew that no matter how hard he tried, he'd never be able to name every reason he loved her, and for as long as she stayed by his side, the list would only grow.

**One-hundredth Reason: Marry Me**

* * *

**And that's it... after over three months, I've finally finished this. I don't know how to feel! I'm so proud of myself for finishing it... but I'm really going to miss it! I made mistakes, I cut it close with deadlines, I let things take twists and turns that I didn't expect from the start, but on the whole, I'm proud of what I've done. I feel like I've improved as a writer a lot over the course of this, so I'm glad I did it for that alone. If you've come this far, whether you were here from the start or you've just found this fic after it's gotten old, thank you so, SO much for sticking with me for one hundred chapters! I hope you enjoyed it!**

**For now, I need a break. Writing this was a lot of fun and I don't regret it, but at the same time, I think I want to take the rest of the summer off. Besides, I could use a bit more inspiration, and "All Stars" can provide that for me. If you see me in this category again, it'll likely be after the season has finished its run. I hope to see you then!**

**Thanks for the reviews, the follows, the favorites, and the page views - all my fans, you've made this journey worth it! Thank you!**

**~Irk Splee**


End file.
